Ladies and gentlemen, I cant tell you just how much I have appreciated your comments and support. I will freely admit that there was more than one time when I thought about telling everyone here to get lost, mainly because of the comments of a few people just as DDay approached and I needed people. But I’m so happy that I did return
As for my reaction the other night, please that I do not equate what she did with rape. I’m going through my own hell, I can NOT begin to dream the levels of hell that those victims must feel!!! Now I don’t want to start a big debate, but I do believe in capital punishment for rapists.
I was just shocked and yes, horrified that she would think it was ok for her to do that, never mind that I would be ok with it.
Ok, so last night we had our first real conversation since DDay, if you could consider DDay a real conversation with all the denials, lies, etc.
Yes, she finally admitted that she was having a full blown (whatever that means) affair with pos. She also said that he sent her a NC message and that she has no plans in reaching out to him. Of course she apologized profusely and said she wanted her marriage back, her family back, her life back, me back, yadda, yadda, yadda
I told her that all of that has been killed by her and her alone. The marriage is dead. I am not the same person I was just very recently because of what she did. Our family will forever be altered. Her children have and are changing because of her actions.
I told her that until a court says differently, this is still her house, I specifically did not refer to it as home. Her name is still on the lease. And even though I think it is best for everyone for her to leave and stay someplace else, I will not kick her out. I reminded her that my son is coming home from college in Friday and I believe he should be allowed to have his own room. I suggested that if she is going to stay, that she move the lower trundle bed from his room into the office and make the office her room. But I reiterated that I do think it would be best if she did NOT stay here.
I also told her how I felt about the other night when she came in bed, she apologized. I told her under NO circumstances is she to touch me without asking me first. She can go in there today to get any of her remaining stuff, but after that, it is completely off limits.
We then talked about the kids, at least I think that was the order. We agreed that they hate her for what she has done to all of us. I told her what I told them last Friday. (HOW THE HELL HAS IT ONLY BEEN 6 DAYS?!?!). I told her that I did NOT show them any of the porno photos or videos. But I did show them one of the rated G selfies of the two of the them just so they knew what he looked like.
That transitioned into her job. She told me she has been suspended and expects to be fired. I said I knew.
She asked how I knew everything, and I told her that that was none of her concern.
She then said that she prays to be given a second chance with me, but knows the odds are that we will get a divorce, but she was here on SI yesterday, and while she was unable to register for some reason, she did read a good amount and said that she is going to do everything to get me to believe that she worth a second chance. I just stared at her. She then explained to me that she read about the importance of transparency, and she gave me piece of paper with all of her various accounts and passwords, including Amazon. I remember this surprising me because it never occurred to me that she was or may have been buying pos gifts.
She also said that she is seeing a counselor today, and she is committed to fixing herself and the damage she has done to the kids, and again, she commented how she hopes to convince me that she is worth a second chance. (I am assuming that is a popular phrase in Wayward section)
I told her that I was relieved that she is seeing a counselor. I told her that both kids now have counselors. Son sees his for first time next week. She told me that neither kid is talking to her. When she talks to daughter, daughter just glares at her until she stops talking, then walks away, or yells at her “(insert name) don’t you dare talk to me.” And son isn’t taking her calls. She even called him from the house phone, and as soon as she said hello, he hung up on her.
So, family counseling will be coming down the road.
She then asked if I had any questions about the affair. I said no, not at this time as I have seen all of the videos and photos. But iI did say that I’m sure there will come a time when I will ask questions and will want to see all of the texts, emails, and any other communication between the two of them. If I were to find out that she had deleted any of them after DDay, it would prove to me that she was stiill hiding stuff from me and I could not imagine ever trusting anything she ever said or did in the future.
She then asked if there is any chance for us. I told her that I am going to go through with the divorce, but do not have a problem if I decide that we could have a parallel track where she works on her issues as to why she did this, that we might have something. I said that while I feel no obligation to her, I would not have a problem to the possibility of deciding if I want to date the new her or not. But I will not be guilted, manipulated, or coerced I into it. If I decide to do it, it is because it is something that I want for my own reasons
I clearly stated that this current marriage is over. The woman I married is dead and gone forever, just like the man she was married to is gone and will never return, and this is all because of her.
But that does not mean that there is zero channce that the new people we are won’t have something. I told her that a second marriage was something that I thought was a possibility, I made it clear that it will be incredibly tough and most likely will not happen. I told her from what I’ve read, I’m going to be an emotional basketcase around her, there will be times that I am going to be brutal to her (never physically). She said she will take anything I do and will thank me every day for giving her the gift of one more day. (Yes, she was definitely reading SI.
I told her that she needs to come here and read the first two threads by Walloped in the Just Found Out Section and and Mrs Walloped’s my story. I told her that I am not Walloped and that he is a much bigger and better man than me, and that I refuse to do some of the things he has done. And I did tell her that I’ve been posting here, and a small step in rebuilding my trust with her is to not go looking for or to read my threads or posts. And if she does start posting here, I will not read her posts/threads
We ended our conversation because out daughter was expected to come home from work at any time.
She said sorry again and thanked me. She said she will make sure all of her stuff is out of my bedroom and will start to set up the office to be her room. She said that she will plan on sleeping at sister’s starting Thursday night, but asked that she be allowed to sleep her Saturday night. She said that she will not assume she is invited to be part of family activity
She then asked if she could hug me, and after what felt like 12 hours, I think I said something like, I don’t think so, then walked out of the room. I went upstairs and cried like a starving infant with a soaking wet diaper, and as I did the hook on the door, I heard her crying as well
When daughter came home she came up to my room, & knocked. I got up to unhook the door, she came in and asked “rough (or tough) day?” I smiled and accepted her hug, and we talked about everything, from pos, to previous night, to my conversation with her mother, to possible future outcomes. I did say that we are definitely getting divorced, but anything could happen
This really sucks!!!!!!
Ok ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how did I do?
[This message edited by 2018MLMM at 11:35 PM, March 29th (Thursday)]
