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My wife of 15 years has been cheating for the last six months and I can’t make sense of it. She ended the affair immediately when I discovered a text message on her phone. She didn’t try to deny it and is willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage and family. I’m in so much shock. I’m waffling between staying for the kids and wanting to leave. We haven’t told anyone about her affair, trying to deal with it ourselves for now.

Her choice of an affair partner has me completely baffled and disgusted. My wife has a director-level position at her company and decided to cheat with a man who works in the mailroom preparing boxes for delivery. From what I can tell from his Facebook page, he’s 8 years younger, covered in tattoos underneath his clothes, has two kids with his girlfriend, lives in a crappy neighborhood in the city, no education beyond high school, Spanish is his first language since all his posts are written in Spanish, and he’s very much into working out and his appearance. She doesn’t have an answer for why she would cheat with someone like him. My professional, career-oriented wife and suburban mom carried on an affair with a loser/thug type. To say I feel inadequate is a massive understatement. I have a successful career, I provide more than enough that my wife doesn’t have to work, but chooses to work. I asked her if guys like him have been her “type” all along and if she married me for appearances, she says no.

She says she got caught up in the attention he paid her. It started as “hello” when he was on her floor collecting packages, which turned into small talk about their weekends on Monday mornings, to regularly walking to the subway together at the end of the day. He was constantly telling her that he respects her ability to climb the corporate ladder, that she’s really smart and funny, and he admires her ability to juggle work and kids. She ate it all up. He asked her to get a drink after work six months ago and she agreed, telling me that she and her team had to work late to finish a presentation. They hugged and kissed after the drink. The next week, he invited her to his apartment for a drink since his girlfriend and kids were away. They had sex, unprotected. After that, they started meeting once a week after work at an hourly motel to have sex, never using protection. She always had a believable excuse whether it was working late, meeting a friend for dinner or drinks, going to the gym before coming home. I always believed her. I had no reason to suspect anything. I thought I was being a good husband by giving her the space she needed for herself.

She says she likes him, but doesn’t love him. She hasn’t admitted that she enjoyed the sex. I haven’t asked many questions about it because I’m disgusted that she would let someone like him touch her.

I’m embarrassed and humiliated for both of us. I don’t know what to do next, I’m not sure if I can forgive and move past this disaster. She has started looking for another job. I want to tell this guy’s girlfriend, but my wife doesn’t want us to have any contact with them.

Affairs only get stronger with secrecy.....expose!

The best thing this affair has is the darkness that makes it grow. Bring this affair to light and it will die a sudden death

Expose this and the thrill will no longer exist.

So please stop feeding this affair by changing your thinking. You did nothing wrong your old ladies bad behavior is on her and her consequence for her bad behavior is the humiliation and shame that she brought on by her unhealthy behavior....NOT YOURS!

If she wants to own this and repent she will face the consequences.

Bad behavior continues with out consequences.

You are making a big mistake by hiding this.

Look at this way....she may not like the exposure but she will respect you for no longer taking her shyt.

This goes two ways...she respects you and except the consequences and is remorseful

or

She continues to disrespect you and bails.

Best to find out now which side of the fence she is on by giving her the consequences her bad behavior diserves rather the being stuck in a false R.

So piss her off and expose this....see where she lands. Or are you scared of losing a women that lies, cheats and puts your own health at risk?

BTW when is your appointment for STD test?

"My wife doesn't want us to contact them."

"Us."

BS mistake #1. At present, there is no "us." Did your WW consult you before deciding to create a one-sided open marriage and bring another man to your bedroom by fucking him rawdog? She has zero role in your decision about contacting the POSOM'S girlfriend.

Same with everything else you decide. I suggest you create distance from her. Move to a hotel for some days.

I agree with exposure. I also recommend that you file to protect yourself and the kids. You need to have control of the situation.

The reason you file is to protect assets and ensure custody of the children. You also want a clause saying each of you can not introduce anyone new to the kids for six months to a year.

You can always stop a D.

You should also get into IC as soon as you can.

Hey man, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve this. It happened to me too, and just about the same way. I intended to help my cheating wife keep it a secret too at first, as I believed she wanted to restore our marriage (which was bullshit) to help her hide her humiliation and keep up appearances. The fact is, she lied and continued the affair even after swearing she broke it off. I chose to ignore all the advice from other betrayed spouses and NOT expose it and tell the other BS. Well, that was a huge mistake I made. Once I finally exposed the affair to the other BS, the shit stopped cold and the POSOM cried and tucked his tail between his legs and tried to save his own marriage. I could not salvage my marriage, and maybe you want to--the woman I was married to for 23 years was sleeping with another married man, and coming back to our bed. That was the worst humiliation I could ever have imagined. So, from one BS to another--expose--expose--expose. Good luck man, and you can get through this. It has been 1-1/2 years for me and it does get better. Drink lots of water, bring your friends in on this for support, and try to get some sleep. Go see your doctor for STD tests and sleep meds if you need them.

Sorry you find yourself here. Your WW has handed you a shit sandwich. Get tested for STDs immediately and she must as well. Expose the A to his girlfriend and the employer. Exposure puts a damper on the A. She would have continued this A indefinitely if you had not discovered it.

She regrets getting caught, she does not have remorse for doing it, or for the pain it causes you. She is not the first spouse to have an A with someone the BH thinks is a dirtbag. She sees him as younger, fitter, and stronger. You were trying to be open minded and give her space. Trust me she saw your behavior in giving her space as weak.

Read the material in the healing library top left, read and implement the 180, a tactic which will help you detach from your WW so you can heal. You will be riding an emotional rollercoaster for a long time with waves of anger and sadness. See an attorney to find out your rights. If it were me I would file for divorce and have her served. This puts you in control of the process. If your WW snaps out of the fog and demonstrates true remorse for her betrayal of her wedding vows you can always stop the process. If she does become remorseful you can let the D process proceed. Either way you control the process. If she gets mad because you filed: actions have consequences. If there are no consequences for her infidelity then the likelihood of her being a serial cheater increase. Make her walk the walk by imposing real consequences. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

fareast has this one right. Read his story and you'll understand a bit better as well.

Tell the GF your wife doesn't want them to know because she doesn't want to suffer the consequences of her actions.

I'm sorry you are here. What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Right now, your wife has no clue what she's done to you. She thinks,"oh, I stopped. I chose him. He'll get over it".

She doesn't have iota of a clue what you're going thru. She thinks she deserved to have her fun. She thinks you shouldn't be that upset, bc she was never going to leave you.

First thing you need to do is to let her know that at this point in time, that YOU don't know if YOU choose HER anymore. That she kicked you out of you marriage the first time she thought about that fuckstick inappropriately, and you're not sure that you want back in.

Second....cheaters lie lie lie lie lie lie lie. Don't listen to any of her bullshit like she didn't enjoy the sex, it wasn't about the sex, she never came, it wasn't good, etc etc etc. She did it a lot with him bc she liked it, and she couldn't get enough. And there's a 99% chance that she did things with him that she won't do with you. That's the truth about that. It sucks, but it's true.

She'll read some websites soon and start telling you she is broken and needs therapy. And that she only did it for validation. Brother, do you really think any wayward says to themselves, "I really want some validation. I think I'll cheat and get some"? No. No they don't. They cheat simply bc they want to. There's no deep thought behind it. Validation is something they say to try to blameshift it to you, make you think it's your fault. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

If you want to R, you need to wake her up. She needs to realize what she's done to you.

Expose, expose, expose, expose.

And serve her with papers. Yes, serve her, even if you want to R. Tell her she has until the D is final to convince you to stop it.

Keep posting here. It's your best chance to make it out of infidelity in the best shape possible.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 12:09 AM, May 23rd (Wednesday)]

When did you find out?

How did you find out?

When/How did you confront?

Knowing how far along things are helps each person advising understand where things sit not just on the actual time line but also the emotional timeline.

If you have not already, put her on a leash and pull her in! If you truly want to Reconcile, like every other BS that has seen success you must teach your wayward spouse to "HEEL!" It may sound insensitive to essentially call a WS a dog, but that's not it... they are worse! They are an untrained dog that thee BS thinks is trained ENOUGH. But when your not looking they are grabbing your stake off the table or jumping up and putting their muddy paws on your clean dress shirt... and often the BS blames themselves, just like the owner of the untrained dog "welp, I shouldn't have set my plate down until I was ready to eat.." or "he jumps up because he loves me..." It had nothing to do with love! The untrained dog did those things because it wanted too, and because the owner let it get away with enough for long enough, that it didn't care if they got in a little trouble, because the consequence were never real! A wag of the finger, a "go to your kennel", etc...

I bet if you look back you will see where you let things slide with her. Not in the sense of "A Woman's Place", but in the sense of a partnership based relationship. Leaving you hanging, leaving you out, the kind of things that equate to you "partner" saying.... "you first... AFTER ME"

Sorry if I rambled a bit, but I hope it make sense what I am trying to say, because it made sense in my head! ...but that's not sayin much!

Just some of my Sha-Hitty thoughts!

Second time sayin this today...

Yep! GoldenR is 100% correct! I was trying to say a lot of that, just not as clearly as he laid it out!

If she did it so easily once... and don't kid yourself, a little sweet talk, some chitchat, a few compliments, a drink and a kiss, then she is willing to go to his place for "a drink" aka TO GET Fa-HUCKED and bareback no less.

and let's not be naive, as adults we all know 2 grown adults, of the opposite gender, going back to ones vacant home for "drinks" sw hen there are plenty of other options

Here was I... oh yes ... if she did it so easily, one of two things is true, she HAS done it before or she WILL do it again.

Sorry, just some more of my Sha-Hitty thoughts!

Can I just ask, would you feel better about this somehow, if the other guy had higher social status, didn't have tattoos, and was a native English speaker?

I ask you this because I want to advise you not to torture yourself with comparisons to this guy. I did that with my wife's other guy and it never did me any good. My wife's other guy is inferior to me in every way but looks. He's very handsome and girls love him. I never had that. Girls never liked me for my looks. Eventually I realized that by making a big thing of this in my own mind I was just pain shopping and making myself even more miserable than I had to be in response to the destruction of my marriage. So I just started thinking, you know what, I look like what I look like and aside from normal things like grooming and haircuts, I can't change it. So if somebody doesn't like what I look like, then fuck them.

Furthermore, I also realized that even if my wife's other guy had been dogshit ugly, it really wouldn't have made me feel much better about being cheated on.

I don't know about your wife, but when mine was checking out of our marriage, she was basically looking for a penis. It could have belonged to just about anyone who was willing. I refuse to torture myself with comparisons to the other douchebag.

[This message edited by OneLittleVictory at 11:44 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday)]

I’m sorry you are in this situation. I believe your situation is very serious because it is your wife that pursued the relationship. Your wife is the one who holds the leadership position but was willing to sacrifice her marriage, family and company position to enjoy the sexual encounters with a subordinate.

It is my recommendation that you should act swiftly with total exposure. You should also demand she resigns from her job immediately. If she chooses to disregard your demand, then you should contact the HR department with all the evidence. Also, contact the girlfriend of the AP with the same evidence.

Your marriage is in the balance because your wife is the aggressor in this relationship. I don’t believe she is remorseful but only sorry she was caught and presently practicing damage control. The relationship must be totally exposed to everyone. Hopefully, this will break the bond of the relationship. Remember, he works in the mail room and she will have daily communication with him and the affair will continue. You must remove her from this organization. Act quickly with strength

Best,

Bigheart

There is a saying here at SI - they always Affair down.

True in my case. OW was 20 years younger. Not in great shape. Crazy fashion sense (if you call it fashion). Covered in tattoos - neck, arms, chest, back etc. not educated. History of failed relationships. Blah blah blah - there is more but you get the idea. She wasn’t pretty. And her boobs hung out all over in every photo. I guess she liked to show off her assets.

Your wife did the same thing unfortunately. She chose a good looking immoral loser. She fell for his slick words and good looks. Because that is all he has. He uses women for whatever he can get.

Did she buy him things? Gifts? Fancy dinners? Or was he just after the sex? Why do women fall for those creeps anyway?

Do not compare. It will make you crazy. I almost let someone who was 20 years younger erode my self confidence. But I then realized she was the OW by choice. I was the unwitting BS. I would rather be me than her!

And this guy your W had an A with - he probably already has a new AP. That must make your wife feel real special. She most probably meant nothing to him.

There are a couple of basic books I recommend for your wife:

1) How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Affair by Linda MacDonald

2) Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass

She should start with How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair. It is a short read. It will take 30 to 40 minutes and provides a road map out of infidelity. It costs $10. You should read it as well.

The 15 points from Linda MacDonald's book that are a minimum for a wayward spouse to be doing in order to help you heal:

Successful Rebuilders:

• are non defensive

• examine their motives for their affairs, without blaming their spouses

• accept their roles as healers to their wounded partners

• do not resist breaking off all contact with the affair partner

• show genuine contrition and remorse for what they have done

• make amends and apologize to loved ones

• apologize often, especially the first two years

• listen with patience and validate their spouses’ pain

• allow their spouses a lot of room to express their feelings

• respect the betrayed spouse’s timetable for recovering

• seek to assure spouses of their love and commitment to fidelity

• keep no secrets

• do not maintain close ties with those who condoned the affair

• are willing to be extremely accountable for their time and activities

• frequently check in with spouses as to how they are doing

• are aware of and anticipate triggers of the affair

• are willing to get rid of hurtful reminders of the affair

• don’t minimize the damage the affair had on the children

• commit themselves to a long-term plan for recovery, honesty, and spiritual growth

I would suggest you compare your wife's actions to this list to determine if she can successfully turn her life around and heal the marriage.

I would suggest you give yourself time to process the trauma before you decide to reconcile or divorce. The paths of reconciliation and divorce run parallel for sometime. 6 months is typically recommended. If this is a deal breaker you can always divorce her then or sometime in the future. Infidelity is often fatal to marriages but it does not have to be. Many members here have created great relationships after the original marriage was destroyed.

I know you are hurting and your emotions are raw, do not try to make since of her wayward behavior. It is asinine and illogical. It will make no sense and unless you have that warped perspective there is no way to reconcile the stupidity and risk taking. She gets to own it. The consequences are hers.

Post often and make use of the resources on this site. We are here to support you as you get out of infidelity.

.

This is a long post touching on a variety of subjects to help you. Content belongs to Devoted Man and I have paraphrased it some.

Go and read the Guidelines, yellow box upper left. I would avoid the wayward forum for awhile until you have stabilized. Later on it can be helpful. They are good people trying to reconcile working on how to be a safe spouse. They can be harsh and blunt when they deliver a 2X4.

Use The Healing Library, same box as the Guidelines. There are the BS FAQ, the WS FAQ, Abbreviations, Articles (mostly on-line), Books (mostly available on Amazon or your favorite bookseller). I found the articles very helpful. Books helped me also.

You will get all sorts of replies here, and some will seem to be pushing you to D(ivorce) or R(econcile) quite forcefully. That's like those people watching a horror movie who scream, "Don't go down in the basement!" or "Get out of the house!" They're speaking from experience and their pain is often more fresh. SI motto - "take what you need and leave the rest." Note that what you _need_ may not be what you _want_, but the next point addresses that -

Go back through your thread occasionally and re-read the replies. Just like a second reading of a book reveals new insights and the second watching of a movie lets you see new things re-reading replies to your thread can be helpful as you navigate out of infidelity and as you change what you get out of a post can change, too.

One more thing - really consider keeping all of your posts in this thread for a while. People can read your first post and get your story and then jump to your last page and read about where you are now. Sort of a 'helping the helpers' approach. This is not a requirement, though it does help.

What You're Experiencing:

Likely you're in some amount of shock and disbelief. You are likely to be riding The Emotional Rollercoaser (crazy train), where you go from anger to despair to love to confusion to crying to ... all in the space of minutes. You might think that you're crazy, or getting there. This is all normal.

Your WW (wayward wife: nice way of saying cheater or adulter) has broken your "personal narrative." That's the story of our lives and how we got to where we are now. It is our understanding of ourselves and provides a backdrop of experiences. When you find out that you've been betrayed by the one person that you thought had your back and that person has also broken your narrative the result is intense emotional upset and pain. Your WW has also deprived you of your "agency." Agency is having the knowledge of your life and situation, all of the true facts of a situation, and the ability to make intelligent decisions based upon that background. Your agency is gone, decisions that mightily affect you have been made for you. This, too, is very upsetting and painful. Both together are rather horrendous.

Lots of us went on "The Infidelity Diet." I lost 20 to 30 lbs in under 45 days after DDay (Destruction Day, Devastation Day, the day we found out). Sleep? Ha! What's that?

You need to get some control back in your life, and you need to be at least minimally healthy to do so. Here's how to start:

Drink - water or juice. No alcohol for a while because that's a depressant and you don't need any more of _that_ right now. Also, alcohol lowers inhibitions. You might start throwing things. You might start screaming and cursing. If you do either of those things then you might wind up in jail over this.

Eat - regular meals if you can. If you can't, then snack on veggies and fruits throughout the day. Smoothies are good, and Ensure, Muscle Milk, and similar products can help.

Sleep - catnaps? A full night's sleep might be out of the question for you right now, but any sleep helps. Over-the-counter melatonin supplements can help you to be tired without completely knocking you out.

Exercise - I know, right? But - some form of exercise (the harder the better) can help release the stress and it gets those exercising hormones and brain chemicals released that help you feel better. Also, it is a good way to vent or release anger.

Doctors can help with any and all of the above. Don't be afraid to tell them exactly what's going on because they've seen it all before.

There's another thing that has to do with Doctors, and I say this as gently as possible. There is the risk of STDs from your WW's infidelity. Don't bother to ask her because neither she nor POSOM (piece of shit other man) really thought about this. Further, either could have lied to the other. Even further, lots of STDs are asymptomatic, so someone with an STD might have absolutely no clue that they have one.

You need to go to your Doctor and tell him that your WW had an A(ffair) and that you want a full screening. She did not use protection. Chlamydia, Tricomonas, HSV 1 and 2, HPV, HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, Hepatitis B and C.

Multiple tests spread out over time are required to detect/monitor HPV and to detect HIV infection. Also, some STDs can be transmitted through oral sex.

The long and the short of it is that neither you nor your WW know for sure the POSOM or OMs (Other man, also Affair Partner, AP) sexual history or habits with 100% certainty. You both need to be checked. Shee needs to tell the Doctor why she needs to be checked and _you_ need to go with her so that she doesn't blame you for having to be checked or get a copy of test results. Which leads us into another topic,

Her decision to have an A is 100% on her. Doesn't matter what the state of the M(arriage) was, you were not consulted about him having an A. You had no say.

Look, no M is perfect. There are a lot of things that piss us off on Monday and we're crappy to be around that night, or one or the other of you might have been pissing off the other for years. Doesn't matter. She had choices, as did (and do) you. _You_ didn't choose to have an A and you were in the same M as her.

She could have 1) talked to you about problems or frustrations or unhappiness, 2) walked out without talking to you, 3) filed for D without talking to you, 4) suggested counseling to help with difficult subjects, 5) anything but decide to have an A.

Again, she is 100% responsible for his decision to have an A. You are 0% responsible for her decision to have an A. If she tries to tell you differently, that's "blameshifting" and blameshifting is bullshit.

Which leads us to this:

Watch out for

blameshifting - "I had an A because you forced me into it!" You didn't trip her so that she fell onto a penis. Suggesting that you "forced" her to do this is ludicrous.

gaslighting - from the play, "Gaslight". This is where she tries to convince you that what you have seen, heard, or experienced did not in fact happen. It is a deflection and it is done with the intent of leaving you questioning whether or not you are crazy.

rugsweeping - don't sweep this under the rug. Things swept under the rug grow big, sharp fangs and trenchant, rending claws and then someday they erupt out from under the rug and that is bad news.

trickle truth (TT) - where his story is "only once, I swear on the grave of my dear mother" on Monday and two weeks later you dig more and get, "well, twice. But that's all, I swear!" Next in truth it was 20 times or maybe 30.

Believe only 50% of what you see and 0% of what she says. She's already blown her credibility and most cheaters lie to cover themselves. Sure, they tell themselves that it is "I'm sparing the feelings of Ignored Spouse!" or some other noble crap but it is crap. They're protecting themselves or the AP (Affair Partner).

I'm sorry to meet you, glad that you found us.

Oh, one more thing.

You need to get back some control in your life. For one thing, when WW had control she really screwed that up. For another, as long as you have decided that you won't

Exercise contol including leaving if she does not get her head out of her ass and move heaven earth to save the marriage then you're teaching her that no matter what she does you will not leave. Why should she do anything, then?

Another SI motto - You have to be willing to lose the M in order to save it.

Yet another SI motto - We teach people how to treat us by what we accept.

On more - When someone shows you who they are believe them. (Actions speak the truth.)

Your only realistic option, if you never want to go through this again, is for her to realize that _she_ needs to take responsibility for her actions and then _she_ needs IC (before MC) to figure out what faulty thinking allowed an A to even be an option for her. Until she does that she is still in selfish thinking and she will just lie to the MC, too.

As she changes through IC then you need to consider IC, too, to help you deal with this. You should both sign releases with your ICs to allow them to talk to each other and when they both think that you're ready you can see an MC together. MCs assume that both folks are all-in on getting the M to work and are just having some problems communicating or similar. But that isn't the case here.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 2:12 AM, May 23rd (Wednesday)]

Devastated12,

I belive you alredy received alot of good advice. As you can see, there is not a rigth path, D or R, It totally depends on you, all post are to make you think and educate you, not to choose for you.

I just have something to say about your post.

She states is willing to do anything yo save the marriage but also potects OM (by not letting her GF know ).

IMO she is proyecting OM because 1 she has feeling for him (she said just like him but she is a proven líder)

2 is affrait OM Will tell you more. e.g. other affairs she had, other sex enconters, thing she did for him denided yo you, frineds thatkne and suported, badmouthed you, etc.

Muy friend, sorry but she is putting OM wellbeing over her family. Over you.

I belive you should expose Big time. You are the one making the calls now.

Does she still work there? Then the A is still goign on, you cant belive a thing she says. No Contact is a must.

Ask her to take a Polly test , its not reliable but foces a parking lote comfession mostrar if the times.

Get legal advice, no Matter what. Is just to know where you stand.

Last thing, I am the living proof that is better yo come from a broken home than to live in one. Other may think different but this is muy experince.

Good luck

Sorry you are here. Definitely tell this guy’s girlfriend. Don’t be scared of him. Consider reporting both to HR. Your wife can always find another job if she gets canned. It’s important to hammer home the point that this is totally unacceptable. The best way to achieve that is to let her face the embarrassment of exposure. Make sure you tell her family and friends. You shouldn’t consider these actions as revenge of spiteful. I will be very surprised if she stops her affair straight away, there is a good chance they will take it further underground.

[This message edited by Smillie at 4:49 AM, May 23rd (Wednesday)]

Would I be off base devastated that the reason you haven't exposed this to anyone else is you feel that because of who this other guy is (your description "a thug with tattoos and works in the mail room") would be an indictment on you and thus you would feel even more humiliated if others (people you know and love) knew about this?

NONE of this is on you. Let me repeat myself NONE OF THIS IS ON YOU!!!!!

You did NOTHING wrong and thus you have NOTHING to be ashamed about. The only one who should feel humiliated is your wife.

So she "ended the affair immediately when I discovered a text message on her phone"?

So if you didn't see the text message she would STILL be meeting with this guy in hotel rooms having unprotected sex.

Your cheating/lying wife "doesn't want you to tell this guy's girlfriend" and she "doesn't want US to have any contact with them".

Who gives a damn what she thinks or wants you to do.

Call this guy's girlfriend because she has EVERY right to know what's going on. She's been lied to and F'ed over just like you.

It's the right thing to do devastated and you know it.

DON'T TELL YOUR WIFE YOU ARE CALLING HIS GIRLFRIEND (or meeting with her) as your wife will tell this guy and he will convince his girlfriend that you are some crazy whacko. Also by not telling your wife if your wife goes off on you for telling her than you will have proof that she is still in contact with this other guy.

Than as others have pointed out you need to go get tested ASAP!!!

Your wife put your health in serious jeopardy all because she "got caught up in the attention he paid her"?

Also did you make a copy of the text you found on her phone?

Demand her phone IMMEDIATELY and go through it and take pictures of EVERY incriminating text or email for proof. You have no idea where this is going and your wife could try to spin this to her benefit to others if you decide to D her.

Make her call the guy on the phone (on the speaker) with you there to end it. Record this conversation without her knowing (again for proof). Make her also send a No contact email to him as well (again for proof) and make sure she copies you on the email and be there to watch her actually send it.

Sorry you're in this hell devastated. How old are your kids?

[This message edited by Booyah at 5:57 AM, May 23rd (Wednesday)]

Tell his gf because its the right thing to do. She deserves to know.

Don't tell your wife. When she finds out, and she will, its proof they are still in contact.