SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm sorry to hear the news, but not surprised. Sending out waves of strength for you, brother.

It was actually decent of him, in a twisted way, to send you that video. We don't know his motive, but he created more truth than your WW has.

((devastated12))

I am so sorry. I would keep the video and talk about it to your lawyer. A lot of states allow filing on the grounds of adultery. Even so it's very existence can be a very powerful bargaining chip.

I know it seems cruel of me, but you'd be surprised how people can change once money is involved. Her lawyer will advise her to get everything she can otherwise he isn't doing his job properly.

In D you have to play for keeps. You don't get any points for playing nice. Sure it might cost more and it might delay the process. The financial outcome will impact you for years.

On another topic, I find it amazing that so many WS's who previously rail against taking photos and videos with their clothes off, seem more than happy to record their sex escapades with their cheating partners.

You could make that about just about anything sexual, pictures, videos, sex acts. Very often a "no" for the H/W, and a "sure" on the 1st date with the OM/OW. It's awful.

I’m so sorry for you.

In order - obtain all evidence of A. Store in a safe place. This is your bargaining chip.

Get a shark is an attorney. Now!!!

Go no contact except for talk about kids/finances/logistics.

Put $ in an account she can not access. Immediately.

Get all financial docs in your possession. Now!!

Change all life insurance beneficiaries to anyone but her. Before you D. In my state if you are D and the life insurance beneficiary is the XW - it will not stand up in court unless the D decree stipulated the XW is to inherit.

Change all retirement account distributions now as well. She gets nothing. You may be required (as she is still your wife) to leave something - 2% of assets is enough for now.

Get all vehicles transferred to one name only. Yours for your vehicle first. This way she cannot call police and charge you with stealing “her” car. It’s been done - don’t laugh.

If you have children - go for full custody. You may not win but it will be a bargaining chip in settling the D quickly. As in I’ll agree to joint custody but you need to forfeit alimony as an example.

And tell her you are going to inform HR of her A. That is a bargaining chip as well.

I’m sorry for you. You are not living with the same person you married. Please know that. She is in the A fog and as long as she has contact with this loser - no possibility of reasoning with her. Believe me I tried to reason with my H during the A.

Waste of time. Save yourself.

I'm so sorry devastated12 :(.

What's going on with you right now, do you have a plan in place?

What are you doing for self-care?

It is time you unleash HELL on her!!!! Total exposure to everyone including her job!!!! You have given her enough time to end this

So there was a video; one of many I assume. It is a part of his trophy library. It gave him a perverse kick to send it to you (among the many he shares it with). It will be found one day on

porn site for MILF's or cheaters. You need to know that for him there are no "legal" meaningful consequences you can bring to that losers life.

Your STBX is a different challenge. Knowing that everyone is different in their responses to life's challenges, I can only offer you my own observation and experience about how I am able to live with an SO's infidelity and my response. Believe me when I tell you it did not involve driving into the sunset for a better life for myself and the people I cared for until I made an effort to provide significant consequences to my comfortable, coddled middle class cheating slut. Find your anger and destroy her world _ personal, business social. Do it with speed and stealth. But do it. If you are anything like me and most of the people I have spoken to about this you will never regret the satisfaction you get from this. Don't wait for the universe to even the score. Find and make your own justice.

It didn’t end, she’s been fucking him since I caught them the first time. He sent me a video. I’m done.

devastated12

The OM really is trash but he did you a favor. He made the facts very clear and your decision easy. Plus all you need to do is let your wife know that you have a video and get great divorce terms.

Let her keep her job and quietly get what you want. Don't tell anyone about the video or expose any more than you already have until the divorce is final. After that you can expose to anyone you want.

You’re smart and I’m sure you know this but don’t overtly say anything about the video and the divorce terms that would connect the two. Just let her know that you have it so she will be motivated to keep you happy. Store copies of the video in several places and never delete all of them.

[This message edited by Michigan at 12:56 PM, June 29th (Friday)]

It's still going on and he has videos? I agree with you devastated. It's over by her choice. She says she deserves the fallout and she's continuing with her behavior. She's deep in the fog. Protect your assets and see if you can get her to agree to move out. Leverage is your friend here.

Making a video is much worse than merely continuing the affair. Why does anyone make videos in general? You make them to commemorate an event or to enjoy them in the future. You certainly don’t make a video of something you’re ashamed of or guilty about.

Allowing a slime ball to make a video of her makes it extremely clear how far off the deep end your wife is. To me being that stupid is worse than being unfaithful.

[This message edited by Michigan at 1:06 PM, June 29th (Friday)]

devastated12,

Your immediate family now consists of you and your children. You have to plan and work toward your family's collective future. A divorce atty doesn't just handle the legal aspects of dissolving your M. They are your advisor and advocate for the business/financial aspect. I'd suggest that you keep your kid's future in the forefront of your mind. Work the best deal for them.

Get on this stuff right away. She may sign most anything. Especially if you signal to her that you will not keep her secrets. I know you told her parents after the first Dday. She may want to keep this Dday a secret from them. If so, leverage that.

Sending you strength.

the right decision Devastated.

She blew the marriage up.

You deserve so much more.

Was the video time stamped. How do you know it wasn't old ? I am sure it was timestamped.

Why did he send you the video ? What was his intentions ? It at least gave you the truth.

None-the-less, you are taking decisive action and kudos to you for that. Her behavior is disgusting.

What is the status of the attorney ?

What is her reaction to it all ?

devastated12,

IMO the POSOM's reason for sending it only matters as a predictor, or intel, of future events. I am speculating only as it relates to what you may see from her. He may have sent it because she ended the adultery or because she wouldn't take her kink as far as he wanted to take it. This may cause her to come back as a snot nosed sniffling mess, lying at your feet, grabbing your legs, begging your forgiveness. OTOH, she may accept this as just another consequence of her behavior as she has for the exposure to her parents.

Only you matter right now. You are emotionally vulnerable. We want you to get yourself out of infidelity. Take the first step by consulting with an atty to protect yourself, and your children's future. Knowledge is power. The strength you get from knowledge is the ability to act decisively. Fear of the unknown can immobilize. Knowledge reduces the fear.

Stay strong. Keep posting. You dropped off the SI radar not long after your first Dday. Please stay with us.

Take him to court for alienation of affection don't tell HR and if you win get his wages garnished.

Talk to your lawyer that video could also be a criminal offence.

You have the proof that could ruin this guy.....not even his girlfriend will want him with out OM's financial security.

If your really lucky you live in a at fault state and you can also take your old lady to the cleaners.

That video could destroy both their lives and you can get out of this with out having to give your wife a dime.

If your old lady was footing the bill for the hotel that could be seen as a marital asset and she would in fact owe you money.

What do you mean by sent a video? How, why and when? And how do you know it wasn't before dday?

And what if anything has she admitted to.

Don't act out of rage. Think strategically and get all info you need.

Keep cool

Then file against her self entitled used ass

This is a prime example of the lack of consequences. She didn't have to leave her job, which in the end might have been a good decision money wise, but not in ending the affair. Chances are she would have continued screwing him so keeping her in the job best thing.

Frankly in cases like this its best to cut your losses and move on. She is not worth it. He sent you those for a reason. Will be interested in her reaction. He is not really marriage material. My guess is she comes back begging.

Share the video with her parents, and note it was recorded after d day.

Then, get the hell out of a sad situation.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 9:18 PM, June 29th (Friday)]

Sending sex/naked videos without peoples consent is against the law in many states.

If your wife did not give her consent before the video was sent her POSOM may have broken the law. People go to jail for those kinds of offenses.

Sorry man. Fuck her.

I feel your pain. How does the the saying go:

There once was a man that said fuck this shit, and lived happily ever after.

I know it's so hard. You have to save yourself and make your future bright again.

[This message edited by DIFM at 6:32 AM, June 30th (Saturday)]