SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

VENTING POST NO CHEATER REPLY

I'm getting tired of cheaters having their special posts with stop signs in their forum but come to this forum and try to change the innocent ones that were destroyed by their cheating.

We don't get a stop sign in life as you've lied, deceived and even put our lives at risk. You go out and have an affair, you could get Herpes, HIV and/or many other STDs out there and give them to your partner.

You then get caught blame shift, trickle truth, etc..

It wasn't us loyal partners that forced you to cheat, you chose to cheat because of your low morals, poor boundaries and willingness to put you in situations that you shouldn't be in.

The whole "We are just friends" is bull sh*t. Men and women can't be just friends. The instant you get that dirty feeling you know your going too far.

Don't come here saying we have to give you a chance. We gave you that chance already as and you violated that chance.

You made yourself a prostitute for a compliment from someone other than your spouse. You forever earned the title Cheater.

Once a person becomes an alcoholic they are an alcoholic for life. Just like once you cheat, you are a cheater the rest of your life. You earned that title.

You come to this forum and proudly display WW or WH in your title then get upset when we say your a cheater still. You've done it once before and you've proven you know how to lie and deceit your partner.

If you violate anyones vows including your own. Your a cheater for life.

I wish there was a national database for cheaters just like sex offenders. Once your caught cheating your name should permanently be placed into it for all to see. This goes for the cheater and if the other woman/man. Just because your not married and you cheat with a married person and know it. Your a cheater.

I believe if you get divorced because you cheated you should lose sny rights to spousal support and child custody should be awarded by default to the non cheater. You should at best get 25% of assets while the non-cheater gets 75% or greater. And the cheater has to pay the non-cheater spousal support for life. 25% of their income or go to jail.

No the cheaters come here asking how they can fix this. Its easy, don't date other people while you are married. Stop having "just friends". Talk to your spouse when you have issues not the home wrecker on social media or work. If you get asked out say no I'm married.

You have no right to come here and complain that your spouse left you after discovering your affair and now is seeing someone else. Its all your fault. They wouldn't be seeing someone else if you were loyal. At least they chose not to lie to you and they left. The reason they left is your now tainted. You earned all the bad names and they apply to you.

Don't come here and cry a river when you get divorce papers.

Don't get mad when you are required by by your spouse to go NC.

Don't get mad when your spouse tells you cheating partners spouse or meets with them.

Don't get mad when your spouse tells everyone of your cheating. Including posting it on social media.

Don't get mad that your spouse requires you to quit your job.

Don't get mad when your spouse requires you to give all the details and times. You may think your embarrassed but we are devastated.

Don't get mad when you are required to hand over your phone and all passwords.

Don't get mad when we track you.

Don't get mad when we force you to end all friendships that concealed the affair.

Don't get mad when we shout, scream and call you names because you cheated.

Don't get mad if we require you to do something that you think is inappropriate. Your affair was inappropriate.

Don't get mad if at the end we can't work it through and we divorce you.

If I could put a stop sign so that the cheaters couldn't reply I would!

[This message edited by Txquail at 12:18 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

If I could put a stop sign so that the cheaters couldn’t reply I would

Actually, if you simply put “Vent” in your post title, (and I’m pretty sure this would qualify as a vent) that works about the same as a stop sign.

Just FYI

WH here so you can scroll past if you are enacting the stop sign rule yourself for this post.

First and foremost i see this site as a place for people broken by infidelity to heal. As such there is a relatively 'safe' place for both sides to post as they navigate recovery and their chosen path forward. WS do not post in "Just Found Out" and, if they so choose (different than the hard and fast rule above), WS can request BS not reply in to topics.

your post is full of generalizations born of pain and disgust from your own betrayal so I can see why you have said it, but there are so many unique situations here which cannot fairly be lumped into one cookie-cutter "cheater" as you have done.

I am sorry you have suffered whatever specific situation it was that shaped your view of humanity or a large portion of it.

First and foremost i see this site as a place for people broken by infidelity to heal.

your post is full of generalizations born of pain and disgust from your own betrayal so I can see why you have said it, but there are so many unique situations here which cannot fairly be lumped into one cookie-cutter "cheater" as you have done.

Yep, I agree with this.

I am genuinely thankful for many/most of the wayward members on this site. I have learned a lot from them as they reveal how broken they are/were and how they are working to heal too. Their openness has helped me heal.

If I could put a stop sign so that the cheaters couldn't reply I would!

Literally, the ENTIRE "Just Found Out" forum has a stop sign for wayward spouses. I definitely recommend that you post there.

I am sorry that you are in so much pain Txquail. Your anger is born from pain.

I would make a suggestion that you stop reading in the wayward forum. It adds to your pain and anger and you really don't need that.

As AmIEvil points out your post has quite a few generalizations in it.

For instance, I don't find any Wayward here who "proudly" wears the designation of WS.

Despite what you feel, Txquail, the WS's do get to come here and cry when they get served divorce papers. It is heartbreaking. Sure, that is the consequence and chance they took, but they still can be heartbroken and they need a place to share their feelings with those that understand.

I don't think I have ever seen a post by a Wayward that espoused that their BS has to give them a chance. I have seen them say that they want and would like their BS to give them a chance. However, there probably has been a post or two by a WS that said the BS has to give them a chance but I don't think I have seen that as an ongoing theme in the Wayward forum.

ETA: Why do you feel this site should only be for BS's? This site was formed by a couple who survived infidelity. One a BS one a WS. They formed this site for all to survive infidelity, not just BS's.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:15 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

General

Whether your relationship is suffering from infidelity or your needs are going unmet, post here and find the support you are seeking. Betrayed Spouse venting is to be expected and emotions may run high. Former wayward spouses and former other persons are asked to stay out of the Betrayed Spouse venting threads and respect their need to vent at THEIR situation.

Thats why

[This message edited by Txquail at 12:20 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

You needed to post "Vent" in your topic title, Txquail or post in JFO. AmIEvil did nothing wrong by posting in your thread, she followed guidelines.

She needs to be banned or warned. I specifically asked cheaters not to post. Id get the same if i posted on the wayward forum.

[This message edited by Txquail at 12:28 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

She needs to be banned or warned. I specifically asked cheaters not to post. Id get the same if i posted on the wayward forum.

Respectfully, this seems a little overboard. AmIEvil’s post wasn’t out of line. If anything AmIEvil expressed empathy for your situation and tried to explain that SI’s objective is to aid everyone involved in infidelity.

Incidentally, why did you automatically assume AmIEvil is a female?

Oops, ^^^ I used the pronoun "she" . I didn't look to see the gender of the poster.

-AmIevil,

You have a pm-

Just Found Out

Your safe place to share your fears and pain with others experiencing the devastating discovery of infidelity and betrayal. We ask that only the Betrayed Spouse post in this forum as a newly hurting BS may not be ready to hear from a former Wayward Spouse OR Former Other Person.

General

Whether your relationship is suffering from infidelity or your needs are going unmet, post here and find the support you are seeking. Betrayed Spouse venting is to be expected and emotions may run high. Former wayward spouses and former other persons are asked to stay out of the Betrayed Spouse venting threads and respect their need to vent at THEIR situation.

I’m sorry for your pain, TXQuail.

Nevertheless, your post is full of generalizations making statements about other people, and other’s specific situations, about which you have no knowledge. Vent away, if you like. However, the vent should should be about your particular situation, as noted in CAPS by the General forum rules, not others situations.

Further, the above quotes are the basic guidelines concerning the Just Found Out, and General forums. These are found on the Forum page, before entering the threads. Maybe you should read them. As noted above, by HT, you can use a “stop sign” in this thread, by noting that it’s a vent. Additionally, as recognized by B144, the entire Just Found Out forum has a “stop sign” preventing wayward spouses from posting in it.

I'm getting tired of cheaters having their special posts with stop signs in their forum but come to this forum and try to change the innocent ones that were destroyed by their cheating.

So, as should be apparent now, this statement is pure bullschlacka. You could have used “Vent,” in your title, or thread. Further, the fact that wayward spouse access to Just Found Out forum is blocked, completely upends your unfounded opinion that wayward receive special treatment. In my personal opinion, the fact that you generalize, and don’t know the basic forum rules, undercuts the validity of any argument you could make regarding this vent.

ETA: I see you added “Vent” to this thread. Also, I’m a BS. I got over it years ago. I had to. I had to move on with my life, and not let the negative emotions affect me. So, I can empathize with being a newer BS; however, with hindsight see that generalizations don’t help a BS spouse, because in my opinion, it keeps them in the reactive emotional loop they need to get out of.

[This message edited by Drumstick at 1:16 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

Sorry you’re having a rough day. I hope you can find a way to express your emotions productively and take actions that will aid your healing and move forward in your personal journey in recovery.

Agree with Sister - he did nothing wrong. Replied before you added "VENT" to your post.

I'm sorry you are so angry.

[This message edited by 3kids30years at 1:28 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

I actually asked Cheaters not to post here. Look at 1rst reply I was quoted.

If I could put a stop sign so that the cheaters couldn't reply I would!

Agree with Sister - he did nothing wrong. Replied before you added "VENT" to your post.

I see it both ways. The initial post did not literally say "VENT POST" but yet it was clearly and obviously a vent post. I hope AmIEvil simply gets a warning for a simple mistake, rather than getting banned.

Tx, I would like some changes too. I would like no child to ever be hungry, to be emotionally or physically abused. I would like to see the excessive violence on tv and movies and in games to be done away with. I would like to see the minimization or sexy portrayal of cheating to stop. I would like the runaway devastation of the planet to stop. There are so many things out of control at this moment.

We have the ability right now to decide together what is right. What we will tolerate. It comes down to selfishness. The moment we turn away from me first and teach this to our next generations is when this all stops. When we teach empathy and compassion and responsibility, and anyone feeling unsure can freely say, help me with my feelings....help me before I hurt someone, this is the day we all rise together and take the next step.

Punishments won't achieve what you seek. I feel your anger. I don't like reading over and over the stories of lives ruined and the crushing pain that carries on sometimes never to be released. If punishment was the answer, why is there still crime ? I'm not saying we shouldn't protect ourselves but after thousands of years, why can't we get this right? Even if you exiled every person who had an A to Mars, it would go on.

We are not animals, we can understand our circumstance. All our focus is on the wrong place. We are not in a healing mindset. I say we can get there. Think of all the pain that never happens. Technology is with us. We will soon be able to free ourselves to solve these issues if we want too. We could completely change the way we live and treat each other. I wish I could live to see it.

Guessing you have been booted from the wayward side, huh?

I see it both ways.

From what I have come to understand in my time here is that when you are in the General forum you must specifically post that it is a venting thread.

We can not ban other members from our threads. Neither specifically or generally. At least that is what I understand of the guidelines and from my experience here. We can't say "SisterMilkShake can't post on my threads" as much as some might like to. I can post on the thread and still be within guidelines. Requesting that WS's, or cheaters, not post is not the same as posting "VENT". Maybe it is impolite to ignore the request but, from what I understand, that isn't against guidelines.

However, what one can do is become a paid member of SI. If you do so, you get some perks. Like being able to prevent specific members from posting on your threads.

Vent away Txquail!

You, as well as everyone, are allowed to feel whatever emotion you need to feel.

I will not judge.

I for one am still very angry that I have been subjected to this nonsense called infidelity.

The choice to cheat was deliberate. The choice to lie to me for years was malicious. The choice to expose me to STD’s was criminal and I do not understand why every BS does not see this as clearly as I do.

I do not forgive my WH or any of his OW. I never will.

However, I do plan on having a spectacular life!

I am a firm believer that my future happiness does not depend on wether or not I forgive a bunch of dirty, sleazy asshats.

Sleep well Txquail, and dream of all your dreams coming true.