SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do you still have the pm I sent you Txquail? Have you read it again? Do you see how you and I could read the same pm and have completely opposite interpretations?

Also, I’ve reread our pm exchange and I did not once use the word generalizing.

And what I did was cooled you down for a day, instead of permanently banning you for making a public exit announcement. I too am now questioning that decision.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:15 PM, July 15th (Sunday)]

Txquail, dude, really you need to relax. You are making a mountain out of a molehill, you are turning this into a tempest in a teapot.

sassylee has tried to calmly and precisely explain everything to you in great detail. She didn't have to do that. She is giving you lots of room and is being very caring and patient with you. Please appreciate that.

The mods, guides and Admin are pretty darn awesome here. Even to those that have run afoul of them. Believe me.

Someone is CLEARLY hurting and you tell them to “chill” out??? For real??

Seriously, what kind of shit is this?

Either we can VENT on our own posts or we cannot without feeling bullied... which the fuck is it???

SoulCrushed16, you have a pm.

Noted

I have spent the last two weeks deep in a rabbit hole covered in dirt yet exposed and screaming. I HATE cheating, every time I see some one add their name in JFO there is a part of me that wants to scream. I have as has every other BS on this site been devastated, ripped apart, broken, crying, screaming, confused, anxious, physically ill, shaking, on and on, every single BS here has been ripped apart. Their worlds torn apart, everything they thought throughout their marriage is a lie and some like me have no idea what was real. It really is a life altering, devastating horror.

I so hear Txquail, Soulcrushed16 there are no words at all. Every message in this forum is understood and felt.

When I found out about my WH years of cheating I literally went into shock. Over and over I typed in my computer WH had a 16 year affair help me, H had a LTA advice, H had an affair I am broken. Over and over and over for months I changed the words, the description, I tried and tried for months. After about 9 months SI popped up and I clicked on it. This place helped me more than IC, more than family, more than anything.

It is a place of pain and emotion and intense feelings. I have found support, suggestions, comfort and friends. I recently had a mod change my post to a vent and it was appropriate. There is no one idea that works for people in this amount of crisis and pain. It is an fing mess to live through this crap.

Every post experessed here I felt. I am so damn grateful to have a place where others understand the unbelievable pain of a BS. I often don't like it, but I am also grateful that the WS have their own place because, although I do think it is rare, there are some who get it and some who help everyone, both the BS and the WS. Yes, there are others I would like to %$%&*. I don't go to that place much.

I do believe there should maybe be a place for explosive venting. The pain is somtimes too much, sometimes it is hard to breathe, emotions are all over the place. It is unfair, horrific, pain beyond measure. I loved the rant, I love all rants because I feel them deep in my soul with every part of myself and love when someone else expresses how fed up this is.

I also understand that because emotions fly high and people are broken in pain and on their knees, this place does need some who keep it safe as best as they can. They are not paid professionals or even paid I don't think, (mod correct me if that is wrong). They are people that have gone thru horrible pain and unimaginable things and have experienced all that we are. They volunteer their time to try and do what they can without being experts. I imagine sometimes they fly by the seat of their pants.

My point, to all cheaters FU. To those few who have worked their butts off, come to realize the true horror of what they have done and try to guide others, thank you. To everyone in pain there just are not words. To the guides and the mods, thanks for volunteering on one of the most awful sites ever. I don't know how much longer I could have gone on alone without this place so I am grateful.

Txquail, I hope you can rant away here with a warning sign or whatever is necessary so you can get all that out.

Soulcrushed16, I am so sorry for the unbelievable pain and horror you are experiencing.

To everyone, WS ruin lives, they are selfish, cruel, thoughtless, liars, and so much more awful than that. It is truly an injustice that there are no conseqences like registries, or jail time or loss of assets. I hope every WS realizes inside their soul what they have done, they have broken other people. I hope every BS finds healing. I hope the mods don't have to correct me but if they do ok. I know you do the best you can.

It is truly an injustice that there are no conseqences like registries, or jail time or loss of assets

Stay tuned, purplehaze, my divorce isn't over yet. (The reason my WH is unglued is because he's going to pay. Literally. And he knows it.). T/J over.

VENT response

This whole thread makes me want to punch a fucking wall. And I haven't felt that way in a long long time. Jesus Christ, when a BS is venting and in pain, even if they didn't write "vent" for a few posts, we ALL know what a vent looks like. If you are wayward, stay the F***out of the thread, especially if you're going to come in and "correct" said BS. Come on already.

The fact that with statements asking them not to reply (even with no "vent" posted) and they did anyway just shows the tone deafness and lack of empathy that seems to be a trademark for many Cheaters.

Rubix, I was thinking the same thing. If a BS states in the vent that they don’t want a WS to reply, LEAVE THE BS ALONE. And the defense of the WS who immediately had to post is disgusting. So what if he didn’t put “vent” in the title? This place is amazing and has been a lifesaver for me. But SI dropped the ball on this one. Big time. How can we blame a BS for verbal diarrhea on a site like this? I would have loved to post that but I’m not that confident.

There was a Wayward post with a stop sign recently that pissed me off. But guess what, that stupid stop sign was there and I had no way to defend a BS way of thinking that was being twisted into looking ridiculous. So there’s a nice little protection for a freaking cheater, but heaven forbid a BS get a little aggressive.

I wish I could give OP a hug. I wish I could say it’s ok. But at least for now, it is definitely not ok. Let’s not forget that anger is a stage of grief. And we BS’s must endure all of those stages, some multiple times. The WS that posted was out of line....period.

WhoTheBleep, if you can get a registry started I am in 100%! This is the most painful, take me to me knees, can't get up off the floor in a life with a whole lot of horrible.

I guess I hope we can scream, vent, cry, say how damn fed up this whole thing is. How unfair, how awful, how unbelievable to break even the strongest. It is no words, literally.

Can we figure out a way for that? For the screaming and the venting and the crying? Can we figure out a way to make it ok? I know the mods and the guides work hard and do their best. We cannot blame them for the shit our lives are. We need this place, well at least I do.

All of us that have been lied to cheated on betrayed beyond measure do know the pain and the injustice. It is awful and at times we are going along doing our best and are assaulted with mind movies or thought or pain that drops us. We bleed.

This is raw, emotional, horrible.

Lets go, lets figure this shit out. The most amazing thing about SI is that we can come here and feel understood. We can rant and rave and someone will come along and give us a hand. This has to work out because we need this place.

Every word in this thread is valid. We all need to be heard. How can we say all we need and not feel attacked? It is a conundrum but there are smart people here so lets go.

TXQuail

Thanks for your vent!!! Finally someone that speaks what many of us think! You said everything spot on and I wish we had a cheaters Registry including those single skanky APs.

Don’t listen to those with thin skin or folks playing the political correctness card!

Cheaters are Cheaters period!!!

We know it!!! They abhor it because they got caught and now have to face the label. Oh they were in love or unhappy!!! Bullshit I bet the the BS were equally or More unhappy dealing with your sorry asses!

I like you am tired of the Cheaters getting free rides. They whine about how broken they are and complain about their poor betrayed spouses.

Really no one forced them to fuck someone else. I think they did it all on their own. I didn’t hold a gun to their heads! If that was the case I would be in jail!

So I just wanted to say I agree and fell ya 💯 percent!!!!

Rant on my friend ... give those cheaters hell 🔥 🔥🔥

Soulcrushed17

I second your quote!

I don’t understand how the Waywards get a stop 🛑 but us BETRAYED Spouses get 2x4 from Cheaters.

Rubix and Stronger I feel the same way!! That cheater purposefully was antagonistic towards a betrayed spouse that’s in deep pain

There is something seriously wrong here!!!!

Someone is CLEARLY hurting and you tell them to “chill” out??? For real??

Seriously, what kind of shit is this?

Either we can VENT on our own posts or we cannot without feeling bullied... which the fuck is it???

SI is great! I don't know what I would have done without SI all those years ago.

There are many reasons SI is so great and stands out from other forums. The mods, the members, the guidelines.

SI has guidelines. All those guidelines are there for a reason. We have wonderful, amazing mods, guides and admin who VOLUNTEER here. They sacrifice their time and energy for us all to have a safe place for support. ALL of us. They make sure those guidelines are enforced. And they are enforced for everyone. Do they like having to be the post police that has to admonish members who break guidelines, especially when said member is in obvious pain and lashing out? I don't think so. It seems to be a pretty thankless task to me. But, the guidelines need to be enforced fairly and evenly for everyone. If one person gets an exception, than so should the next and then why do we even have a guideline?

This^^^^^^^^^^.

I hope your pain gets better OP.

Great, now you all have me agreeing with SMS.

Can anyone here seriously say that they want to exclude someone from getting help that they need? Or limit the way in which they can help others? Just because the perspective of a W doesn't help you, doesn't mean that it doesn't help someone else!

You would never classify me as someone who is pro-wayward, on this forum, or anywhere else. I think there is an irredeemable aspect to this level of betrayal. That said, I am baffled by some of the ideas thrown around here. A registry? Are you joking?

How many other registries can we think of? We could register by race, transgender status, how about anyone who engages in protest?

I have a tip for you, fellow Bs... You don't get 100% safety, ever. You never had it, you never will have it. You have no right to expect not to be hurt, betrayed or offended. A registry will protect you from what, those that got caught? Those that admit they cheated? Where do we draw the line?

All you control is yourself. We were hurt, we shouldn't have been, but we were. What can you learn from that betrayal? What will you change about you?

Completely disagree that we have no right to believe we should never have been betrayed. Marriage is a promise not to betray. It’s a legal contract to not betray.

Marriage is a promise not to betray.

Akin to pinky swearing.

We should all feel deeply disappointed, sad, and betrayed. But divorce and cheating are all around us. Ignoring that is never wise. It's more like willful denial. It us not fun to be just another statistic, but it was always possible. Not probable, but certainly possible.

Completely disagree that we have no right to believe we should never have been betrayed.

You said the word should, and you're right, yet here we both are.

People also should be able to expect to not get raped, robbed at gunpoint, or murdered. It happens everyday.

Believe what you will,. But it won't protect you. We need to protect ourselves. Need vulnerable, but cautious. Understand that these things are out of your control.

Txquail ~

a lot of people support cheaters

I agree but rest assured: I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.

I am 8 years post dday with a WH who has owned his shit, never blamed me, has done 99.99% of the work to fix what he f*&ked up, and knows that I would kick his sorry ass to the curb without hesitation. He cheated thus he is a cheater. He will never be a FORMER cheater. He will never be forgiven for his horrendous behavior and he knows/accepts it. My WH has been told many times, "If you don't like life with me then pack your shit and get the fuck out"

My tolerance for cheaters is very low.