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Ok, this will be my last update before we leave. I have found my composure and thanks to you guys I have a solid plan. I will act as if nothing is up and keep a look-out for anything suspicious. If I get nothing there then I will get her phone tonight when she sleeps and see what I find there. Is it possible to forward her texts to me? She has an Iphone 7. Wish me luck!

Oh man i'm just coming up to speed on this thread.

Look up breathing relaxation techniques right now. It's very simple to to and will help you to relax.

This is of course a huge deal but you will manage and have a better start than most of us.

This is data-gathering time, Mr. Bond.

Cross-posted.

Godspeed Dan.

At spokeo (google it) you will probably get his name by entering the phone number. It will cost $2.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 5:10 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

You can take screenshots of the texts and send them back to your phone.

Shes home. She looked a little shocked to see me dressed for the party. She asked if I was alright and that I looked a little pale. She was kind enough to say that I could stay home if I wasn't feeling up to it. Shes in the shower now (with her phone).

How sweet of her.

This is a good cover. You are ok but not feeling quite up to par.

Perfect cover. Be friendly and try and enjoy yourself. Keep alert and easy on the alcohol. You don't want this to be any worse than it is.

A PI would be your best bet if you can afford it. You need to move fast and get this over. If you can't afford that get a car/GPS. The quicker you get this over the better. You do not want to linger in this!!!!

say your battery is dead and you want to call the kids .... check her call history

Ok, this will be my last update before we leave. I have found my composure and thanks to you guys I have a solid plan. I will act as if nothing is up and keep a look-out for anything suspicious. If I get nothing there then I will get her phone tonight when she sleeps and see what I find there. Is it possible to forward her texts to me? She has an Iphone 7. Wish me luck!

You can copy/paste and forward but screen shots are good too.

Good luck man. Everyone is here for you.

Well... Looks like she fucked up! 414 text messages to one number in the last 11 days and over 4 hours of call time. These texts and calls were not on her phone when I checked last night. She will be home in about 45 minutes. Not sure what to do now.

It would be good info to plot the time and see how long this has been going on? Whether you caught it early or not.

long term thinking. Workplace affairs are tough to get evidence on especially if it goes deeper underground. That's why a PI could be of benefit. But a lot have good success with vars and GPS.

The big thing is if they work together the affair won't stop. It's like an addiction. You get the addict around the source you always get relapse.

She's put you in a bad situation but you are the one that'll have to get yourself out.

Sorry you're here.

screen shots of the iPhone would be best because you can get the date/time stamps in there as well. But you mentioned earlier that you hadn't found anything in there before, which means she's deleting the messages as soon as they're being sent or received. The good news is that if you were able to see the texts on your phone bill, that must mean that he doesn't have an iPhone which means it won't be iMessages which are completely untraceable.

Stay strong tonight, pay attention to who she talks to, and the types of conversations. Also who she avoids, especially if you can notice avoidance of eye contact, or even stolen glances.

Be nice and cordial to everyone, but try to stay in the background so you can just observe. Don't cling to her side the whole time, be a doting husband and offer to get her a drink or an appetizer etc. the more time you give her to herself, the more likely she is to slip up.

My husband had the OW's number listed as a man in his phone.

If you can get her phone, go through all her contacts and you might just figure out who he is.

Oh, man I've been following this all day. She definitely caught on and warned OM. I hope you are able to find out more and do some hard core investigating tonight after she goes to sleep. At least you have the number and that's a good start.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and I hope you are able to keep yourself composed. I confronted too early. Things went underground from there.

If you have the number from the phone bill and you get a hold of her phone, in the contacts there is a search field. Type in the number and the name will come up. I would be surprised if the name is the actual name of the person. Like others have said, they will put it in their phone under a different name.

Try spydialer.com to search for the name associated with the number it is free and is usually pretty accurate.

As has been said workplace adultery is hard to detect. Marz said this last. My WW had workplace adultery for 4 years. I was suspicious but never got any proof. After about a year things got better between us and I thought I must have been mistaken. The worst decision I made was to not hire a PI. I won't get into all of the details but one was that if she wasn't committing adultery and found out I had hired a PI it would greatly damage our marriage. I wasn't mistaken but I never did get any proof. I have loads of proof now. We're separated and I've filed for D.

Hire a PI even if you get electronic proof. If there's nothing salacious in the electronic "evidence" then the texts and whatever can be excused by being "just between friends" and you're paranoid and out of control. My WW and her POSCOW made a pact to not communicate with their cellphones because he got caught by his wife screwing a different woman and she left him a short time after he and my WW started playing footsie. They could communicate very well through workplace electronics. PI, PI, PI.

You've been advised to get a VAR for your wife's car. Good idea. Get another one to carry on your person at all times. There are too many stories of false DV charges to risk not having one. A friend has a DV charge on his record for the rest of his life. It is false. His WW admitted it was false but she wouldn't go and get it rectified because that would look bad for her.

Trust your gut. I let my brain and heart over ride my gut to my detriment.

So sorry you have a reason to be here. Nonetheless, it is the best place you could have found so soon after getting suspicious. There's lots and lots of support here. The intent is to get out of adultery whether you R or D. Best wishes to you.

So you found 414 texts to one number, but none of them were on her phone when you checked. Why do you think she deleted the texts from this person? There is obviously, at the minimum, something inappropriate going on that she doesn't want you to see. As others have said, you also need to check her location history to see where she's been going after (or before) work.

A VAR in the car is a now a must as well. The Sony icd-px333 is a decent model for < $50. Add a micro SD memory card to extend the recording time. Get lithium AAA batteries. Check the manual on how to turn off any lights and beeps. Set it for better or best recording quality. Set the microphone sensitivity to the most sensitive.

Get some sticky backed Velcro from WalMart or Home Depot to secure in under the passenger seat.

You'll probably find out more than you want to in a couple of days.

More words from another BS that confronted too quickly. If she thinks you look "pale," maybe you can play sick for a few days while you gather evidence. It will also explain why you can't eat anything and are tossing and turning all night.

Confronting before you have evidence of what is really going on allows cheaters to minimize, gaslight and go underground. Confront them with what you have and they will know you are onto them, and they will hide it better. This happened to me - I confronted my WH with evidence of an inappropriate text relationship/EA with an out of town AP he met through work. It was a freaking full-blown PA but it would be months before I knew that because the A went so deep underground.

Gather intel. Your betrayed brothers will advise you in no uncertain terms what to do when - AND IF - you have confirmation that there is infidelity in your life.

One step at a time.

I don't know if you will read this in time. When you are at the party ring the number and hide your number, then look and see who's phone rings.

There is also some chance it's another woman don't discount that possibility.

There is also some chance it's another woman don't discount that possibility.

Sure, that's possible, but why delete all of the texts between them? Unless they are talking about who they are cheating with?