SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If you must confront ....say you got an anonymous phone call. Do not reveal your sources.

And one more thing that was very helpful for me (BTW, many of us have advanced degrees in sleuthing), use your phone to take pictures of her phone screen if you find anything out of the ordinary. It’s a great way to preserve data that will later be gone or inaccessible.

Look the number up on the Internet. You can probably put a name to the munger there.

You caught her early. They still may be at the EA stage. Your presence at the party will derail their plans for the weekend.

Stay calm, id the OM and collect real proof. The kind of proof that HR requires to fire someone.

She’s going to know something is up the minute she walks in that door, so you have to really control yourself right now.

Don’t say anything, go to that party, watch her, if the person is there you will know who it is.

You go with her tonight.....as someone else said

the party may be a cover for a rendezvous

I hope not but don't take chances

Do not let her leave your sight tonight

I do think calling is risky. If you call the number from your phone then both of them will know that you know something is up. She will attack you for invading her privacy and not trusting her and the affair will go underground quickly. If you do call, do not call from your personal phone.

Also watch out for anyone she says, "He's just a friend". That just a friend line is clue on a possible OM. 414 is a big sign that something is not right. Possibly an EA has begun. She has deleted the evidence. Sometimes a phone is synced to a lad or computer. The information may be deleted on the phone but not the pad. If you know her email address check her emails as well. It looks bad. Stay calm; get your evidence; and then confront. You do it now and they will work to delete all evidence and turn you into a paranoid, controlling, bad guy.

Edited: I agree with everyone else. Go to that party.

[This message edited by WilliamM at 4:20 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

Shes on her way home now. I am dressed and ready to go. I have pizza on the way for the girls. I have the number stored in my phone and found nothing when I googled it. I swear when she gets home that she will able to see my heart beating.

Someone you meet there may likely refer to OM as her "work husband". That will be your guy. Waywards think that they are so clever and nobody at work knows. It is never true. People pick up on it all the time.

Most here would say that they wished they had taken more time before confronting to gather proof.

But we know how incredibly hard that is.

So if you do end up confronting try not to reveal your sources.

I would tell her “Wife, I love you but I know you are having an improper relationship! Our 25 year marriage depends on what you do next. Every lie you tell will make it exponentially hard to save our relationship.

I am willing to work with you to save our family, but I won’t be in a 3 way relationship. I cannot do that with someone who is pining for another.

So you will tell me everything that is going on with this other person and do not minimize. Do not lie.

If you decide to go to this event tonight or say you choose him over me the. On Monday I will be filing for D and I will tell our family what you have done.

So be very careful as to what you decide to do next. You have broken my heart and if it’s going to heal you need to be the main driver of that. “

I hope you can at least find out his name before confronting. If you can find out if he has a wife or gf then revealing this to her will be beneficial toward ending it.

Sorry man. If you confront you'll just get lies. We're just "friends" is the biggest lie told here.

Does she go in early, work late or have time away unaccounted for?

The thing is if they have contact it maybe a physical affair. Most betrayed spouse in this situation go into denial and need yo believe it's only an emotional affair.

You need a voice activated recorder and a GPS for her car.

Stat !!!!!!!

Also I agree tell her you got an anonymous phone call alerting you that your wife is having an affair with someone at work so ask her to hand over her phone immediately. Let her know you will hold it until you can review it.

If it’s not true she should have nothing to hide.

Again this is all if it comes out in the open. Good luck.

Her head is wrapped up elsewhere now so even if you're a little off she won't notice.

I know the feeling you're going through so try and remain as calm as you can. Easier said than done. Or it may go deeper underground.

Right now you know enough to investigate further (don't put that off) you need every means at your disposal. But you only know the "tip of the iceberg".

Sorry

Be strong ... Go to the party ... stay in touch ... you are not alone!

She's in a fantasy and seeing what she wants to see so you're safe.

I agree with the suggestion NOT to call the number. They will put two and two together instantly, and your advantage is lost forever. You are in a position of strength right now, but not for long. It is easy to hide an affair if you know someone is looking.

[This message edited by megahertz at 4:29 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

If it turns out to be what it looks like do not cry, beg, plead or or do the infamous "pick me dance". You will need to get very strong quickly.

Good luck

Danin,

I am very sorry that your gut turned out to be right.

I know this must feel like it is suddenly spiralling out of control, but if you can, take a step back, breathe, and do your best not to engage with it the second your wife gets back home.

The reason I say that is because you need to gather as much evidence as you can over the next few days, and if needs be, pass it to a private investigator. You would be amazed at what they can uncover with just a phone number.

If a PI can ID the guy in question, they can then find out if he has a wife, and what her contact details are. I would suggest that if you can hold your emotions in control until then, you will be in a position to contact his wife without saying anything to your wife, and let her deal with her wayward husband. That will derail the affair, whatever stage it has reached.

Simultaneously, you can confront your wife with what you know, and ask which one of them is going to leave their job, or whether she wants to sit down together with you, her affair partner, her affair partner's wife, and their manager (plus an HR representative) to plan a way forward.

The thing to do now is to save every scrap of evidence that you can. If you find anything on her phone, take screenshots and send them to your email address. As long as your wife does not have access to that, she will not be able to delete them.

If you must confront, do not cry, beg or plead. That does not work and will be viewed as weakness.

The phone bill is a great start but any cheater will lie, hide and deny for the most part. Not enough to confront if you can remain calm.

You need to understand this is very typical. Nothing special. It happens all the time unfortunately. However, it's happening to you.

They all follow a similar pattern. So you'll get the lowdown from many here who have gone through it.