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Well, I am now adding spring rolls to the foods I have mentally placed on the too vile to eat list along with turnips, liver, gizzards, potted meat, beets, and kale.

I think from now on, rather than "Jennifer", we must refer to this a-hole as "Spring Roll".

Hilarious, Dan.

I do not see her as a victim here. Yes, he was open to a fling, she should not have been. She made herself available. She requested more explicit responses and he responded. He didn't make any vows of fidelity or exclusivity, she did. She created an alias for this guy, deleted their messages as they occurred and started thinking about the extra Christmas party activity almost as soon as she met him. IOW, she was ready and waiting for Robaire.

And as far as HR is concerned, what did he do besides follow herlead? She didn't resign because of a "misunderstanding" or to avoid harassment. She resigned because she messed up.

I still think SHE dodged a bullet. From what you've learned from the texts, he marked her as a target from day 1, and she was responsible for not having any boundaries which made her very groomable for him.

His rage at you tells me this would have turned to rage on her after he had "owned" her; she would then become a sub-human piece of property while he groomed the next woman. I'm guessing if you turn a PI loose on him, you'll see a string of damaged women.

I'm not buying she's a victim. At 45 she knew better.

I think from now on, rather than "Jennifer", we must refer to this a-hole as "Spring Roll".

Small "spring roll".

Fixed that for you

She did text him last weekend but it looks like only when she out.

List:

NC Letter

Resignation DONE!

Timeline

Apology letters to family

IC

STD test

Change phone number

Poly?

Oh Yeah, NO MORE THAI FOOD EVER!

What am I missing?

Poll:

"Jennifer"

or

Pepe Petit

Le Pepe petite gets mine

Sorry La Pepe petite. It should have a female pronunciation.

His screams in the parking lot. Were they female sounding?

In order to get on the same page. She (and you) should read:

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass

and

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by MacDonald

Just a thought but if you could arrange it maybe a trip away from this for a week with the girls. I'd pick Disney

May I be absolutely honest, I know this is likely not what you want to hear. All of this to me screams "experinced" cheater, aswell as "extremely willing" to cheat.

The way she got into this in such a short time, how she not only rolled with the punches but escalated so quickly, how she planned it, hid it and how BOLD and confident she was about it. Other people at her place of work HAD to know this was going on, the guy wasn't exactly subtle.

Yes, you got in front of all of this this time around. But how nobody even seems to have shrugged when she acted in this manner or taken notice. How confident she was. It feels like this wasn't the first time she did this, merely the first time you caught her.

It would explain a lot, why she never thought she'd be caught, why she was willing to escalate so quickly, why she was so open about it at her place of work etc.

She told SIL that she just went to her Boss's house and resigned.

Out of curiosity, male or female boss?

"I would love to see you out of those scrubs" and she replied "just different clothes or naked?"

Think about this for a moment. Imagine you'd send a woman such a text. Or a married woman would receive it. It would be slimy and extremely aggressive. How many would respond in that manner. What type of woman would respond in that manner?

I still think SHE dodged a bullet. From what you've learned from the texts, he marked her as a target from day 1, and she was responsible for not having any boundaries which made her very groomable for him.

Oh get out of here. She didn't dodge a bullet, she wasn't "groomed". She isn't a child, she's a 45 year old woman.

He tried his luck with her and she responded positively and aggressively. How bold he was, how nobody at work even seemed to be surprised about this, how strong he came onto her. All of this makes it seem as if she might very well have a certain history at work.

People at medical professions, especially large hospitals often spend quite some time there. There's a huge ammount of stories where affairs in the rest rooms are pretty much the norm.

You should review the apology letters before she sends them. Make sure they use the word 'affair' or inappropriate relationship ... mentions the OM by name and acknowledges discouraging you from attending the xmas party so she could enjoy the OM's company...and that she kissed and had inappropriate physical contact with the OM in his car after lunch.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 5:33 PM, December 16th (Sunday)]

Her apology letter should also promise to attend IC to fix herself so that she is a safe partner etc.

How about a post nup (sets a tone).

People at medical professions, especially large hospitals often spend quite some time there. There's a huge ammount of stories where affairs in the rest rooms are pretty much the norm.

My brother works at the same major hospital where my exWW works and he's told me that the amount of cheating that goes on there is ridiculous. So many of the people there work long hours in close proximity to one another and with hundreds and hundreds of rooms, many of which are empty at any given time, it's easy as hell to carry on a full-blown affair entirely at work.

She needs to agree to daily or whenever discussions (your choice) as to what she's learned from reading those two books. Or instead of a meeting an email summarizing what she learned.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 5:42 PM, December 16th (Sunday)]

You need to separate your finances and accounts (sets a tone) on Monday.

I still think SHE dodged a bullet. From what you've learned from the texts, he marked her as a target from day 1, and she was responsible for not having any boundaries which made her very groomable for him.

Yes, it was all him. She, at age 45, just had no clue whatsoever he was up to The poor thing...

His rage at you tells me this would have turned to rage on her after he had "owned" her; she would then become a sub-human piece of property while he groomed the next woman. I'm guessing if you turn a PI loose on him, you'll see a string of damaged women.

And if that had happened, she would have been ALLOWING it to happen. Just like all the other hypothetical women you're referring to.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 5:41 PM, December 16th (Sunday)]

another thought - was anyone at her work aware of this budding relationship? and if so - did they encourage it? If yes - then they are an enemy of your marriage and the friendship should be ended.

Yes, you got in front of all of this this time around. But how nobody even seems to have shrugged when she acted in this manner or taken notice. How confident she was. It feels like this wasn't the first time she did this, merely the first time you caught her.

Maybe, maybe not but I think I would dig around some just in case. A good polygraph question.

Has there been any past affairs?