SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Have her identify a list of potential apartments next week.

Speak to your attorney tomorrow about drafting up some sort of agreement on finances, spousal support (if any) and child custody when/if you D.(sets a tone)

This isn't really a Not Just Friends situation. They were never friends; they went from meeting one day and starting up an affair the next.

This woman said something to this guy at lunch on the second day that gave him the all clear to start up an inappropriate relationship. And it was not "my husband never takes me for Thai food". Dan needs to get that out of her. What did she confide at that lunch and why?

The apt. thing is a good idea.

My BIL called me and asked when she can have her phone back? I was going to take it to AT&T tomorrow and get the number changed. I was thinking that I could add a new line for her and transfer her current number to my old iphone 5 so I can see if he tries to make contact.

My brother works at the same major hospital where my exWW works and he's told me that the amount of cheating that goes on there is ridiculous. So many of the people there work long hours in close proximity to one another and with hundreds and hundreds of rooms, many of which are empty at any given time, it's easy as hell to carry on a full-blown affair entirely at work.

Which is my point. It's pretty rampant there. Given how aggressively he pursued her, how he saw nothing wrong with it and how positively she responded to it. How they did this seemingly openly at work and how nobody else even reacted to it.

All of this together screams to me that this wasn't the first time. That she might have a reputation already. She definitely doesn't seem like a new comer at all of this skullduggery.

Yes, it was all him.

Is it weird that despite the post coming from a woman. I find it incredible mysogynistic? It pretty much casts OPs wife as unable to make her own choices and decisions, infantilizes her and moves any agency on the other guy.

I know it's meant to defend and excuse her behaviour but what the poster is effectively saying is that OPs wife is a small child and should not be allowed to make decisions for herself, be left to her own devices and needs constant surveillance and a caretaker.

I waas under the impression most folks here were adults, especially OPs wife at 45.

My BIL called me and asked when she can have her phone back?

Your BIL shouldn't be in the middle. I'd watch that. It already sounds like he's advocating for her.

This long list of demands for your WW seems a bit premature at this point. Sure, go ahead and prepare it and present it to her, but the first question she should answer is “Is our marriage over?” If the answer is yes, none of these demands really matter. She may have checked out years ago, had multiple affairs and was just keeping the marriage going for the sake of the kids. You just don’t know at this point, and it will save a huge amount of hassle and emotional pain if she has made a decision and was already living that way.

Marauder, the last "Yes it was all him" by Golden was sarcasm. As in, it was all her not him.

Your post on Page 27 expresses some real possibilities. It may or may not be true but it is worth looking at for Dan. IMO, her behaviour does not look like someone struggling with morals or making a tough decision. She jumped all in with both feet. Looks like it has the potential of not being the first time. I may be wrong but believe it's worth considering and determining.

It already sounds like he's advocating for her.

More likely he's sick of her and the drama in his house.

All of this together screams to me that this wasn't the first time. That she might have a reputation already. She definitely doesn't seem like a new comer at all of this skullduggery

In this we're in agreement. I think I mentioned earlier in the thread that Dan should be on the lookout for prior infidelities. She knew Spring Roll for less than two weeks and was already dating him, getting physical with him, and deleting texts and call history and keeping him under a false name in her contacts. That is not the behavior of a first time offender.

" Who knows if this guy was the first? Hell, I haven't even confirmed that he actually works there. His facebook page has no employer listed and no luck with google."

I think you should get a PI on him to get his info. Should be easy for them...

Is your wife looking for another job?

Not Just Friends is a book that all couples can benefit from reading (and she now has time to read)...plus it may serve as a bridge for civil discussion on topics that overlap onto your wife's inappropriate behaviors.

It already sounds like he's advocating for her.

More likely he's sick of her and the drama in his house.

And sick of his wife saying she can't believe how stupid her sister is. He is Dan's friend (Like many BIL) and more likely than not on Team Dan but needs to keep the peace with his wife...

A tough spot for SIL and BIL thanks to Mrs Dan.

Hello DaninOH,

This is my first post here.

Since 2015 I am at a different site, but they had a fault. I have experienced a lot and read a lot in almost 4 years.

The fact that a man was able, and had permission, with a happy face to put his fingers in your wife while kissing passionately, sorry but I would throw up in my mouth.

I hope not, but it reads like this is the iceberg. You only see the top.

I believe that all women have this in them, as being genetically determined.

It does not matter, because only a few act in this way.

Now you are unfortunately the Dummy.

Use your common sense with your gut feeling.

You and your daughters spend the Christmas holidays in Disneyland, and your wife at Grandma (or with the Cadadese)

STD test, paternety test and poly, in the same week. Not from power but from reason.

Best of times in these devistating and horrivinding times.

Praying for you and the kids.

Dutchman1

Dan, you mentioned that his FB page doesn’t mention OM’s employer, have you searched his name on LinkedIn? Also, it may be worthwhile to separately search OM’s name and cell number on Been Verified. You’ve been doing great so far.

A bit of legal advice though: if you jointly own your house with your WW, you can’t legally bar her from returning home if she wants to return.

I recall that last weekend you mentioned your wife only texted the OM while she was out of the house.

Was she alone or with the kids?

Were you able to account for her time over the weekend?

Is there any chance they met over the weekend?

Do you have any gps data from her cell phone?

You should be able to get a new SIM with a new number and use it in her phone and use the old SIM number in the old phone. Unless you want to punish her with diminished capability.

I would ask the guy who did the message recovery whether there is anything else you should think about before returning the phone to her with a new number.

[This message edited by NotInMyLife at 6:25 PM, December 16th (Sunday)]

If the OM is from Canada, maybe you should search on Canadian servers/networks.

Dan,

Your BIL and SIL upfront handled this well. However, like most they are not on the receiving end like you, don't understand it from a betrayed's standpoint and will probably think you should get over this and get on with life. Take her back, etc.

Don't be surprised if this happens. Right now it's impacting them in a negative way and like most people they aren't going to want to be in this very long. Plus Christmas is coming up.

Be prepared to get pressure. Unfortunately this shit happens all the time and it's become commonplace.

Good luck to you

Dan,

Unfortunately in the overwhelming majority of cases we find on SI there is always more sexual stuff that comes out eventually. More sex wit the AP and or other AP’s in the past. Has she cheated on you prior to this? And remember, just because you didn’t see it in her texts, doesn’t mean they didn’t have full blown sex. They could be communicating with other devises and or apps/programs. She may have a secret email account. The swiftness this thing took off was Speedy Gonzalez-like. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done this many times before but got out this time. I don’t want to poison your mind especially where you’re at in this moment in your marriage, but you need to steel yourself for more revelations. There’s more to this, if not with Spring Roll, with others. She was extremely confident and upfront with her communications with him. Very direct. That shows confidence that she’s done this before. A first timer would be taken aback a little and treated slower on it. She knew he was a player and went head first into this.

His facebook page has no employer listed and no luck with google.

Check and see if he's on LinkedIn