SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m just so lost, angry, whatever now.

My husband of 17 years has been sleeping with my younger sister for almost 6 months.

He has always had a wandering eye, but to my knowledge had never acted on it. My sister is 12 years younger, taller, more busty, and she is a yoga instructor so her job is to stay fit. I’m pretty attractive by any objective measure, but it’s hard to compete with that.

For years I have noticed him noticing her. She would mostly ignore him, but sometimes she would flirt with him because she found it funny. She would bend over in front of him or talk about how she hadn’t been properly laid in a long time, stuff like that. But it never went further.

Well, many years later, she got herself into a legal issue, doing things she knows I disapprove of. About 6 months ago she actually got arrested and needed money for a lawyer. She knew I would not help her because of what it is she did that got her into trouble in the first place. So one day when I was out and WH was home, she put on her shortest dress and highest heels and went to the house and asked WH for the money. After turning her down (because he knew that I would not agree to give her the money), she offered him sex if he will help with the lawyer fees. I guess he couldn’t say no at this point - he would get the sex that he always wanted and knew that she would never tell. WH being a savvy businessman actually got her to agree to a payment plan with dollar amounts for the different sexual activities. So he ended up paying the legal bills and she “worked it off” a couple days a week for several months.

I didn’t know a thing. It was not uncommon for my sister to come over while I was out, or for her to be at the house when I got back. I thought all was normal.

One day I found an invoice for the lawyer fees. From that point onward they both confessed to what was happening.

I am so mad at both of them. WH is apologetic and tells me that it was purely sexual and he does not love my sister (which I definitely believe). She is also remorseful and felt like she had no other option. I am a bit sympathetic on that point, but if she was going to effectively become a hooker, she could have done it with someone other than my husband.

I’m so hurt right now that I don’t want to see either of them again. But everything that I’ve read says to not do anything rash in the early days. Right now no one else knows - it would just be too embarrassing for everyone. So I’m here suffering in silence and posting things anonymously to get them off my chest.

If your parents are still living, they are the first people you need to tell. Your sister is basically a prostitute. Your husband has some serious issues. Don't be in a hurry to fix this for him.

I am sorry that you are here. Others will offer a great deal of advice. Your situation is particularly bad because it's a double-betrayal.

He has always had a wandering eye, but to my knowledge had never acted on it.

My guess is that he has. It seems odd that a guy would sleep with a sister-in-law as a first act of infidelity.

Also, it is almost always the case that there is more than they are admitting. The number of "You all were right!" threads on this site is sadly high.

My sister is 12 years younger, taller, more busty, and she is a yoga instructor so her job is to stay fit. I’m pretty attractive by any objective measure, but it’s hard to compete with that.

Attractiveness has nothing to do with this. In all honesty, YOU have nothing to do with this. Your husband and your sister have major problems within themselves that caused and allowed this to happen.

My guess is that one or both of them will soon start blaming you. This is what people who commit infidelity commonly do. Do not believe them. I did... and I had two very rough years of situational depression. (you might be interested in reconciling with him... a good sign that reconciliation is possible is if he accepts full responsibility for his shortcomings and he does not blame you at all).

I very much recommend that you get yourself to a therapist immediately. Good luck.

Again, sorry that you are here... but this site is a great resource and I am glad that you found us.

Oh...F*** that S***

My sister is 12 years younger, taller, more busty, and she is a yoga instructor so her job is to stay fit.

I don't give a rat's behind what she looks like.

I’m pretty attractive by any objective measure, but it’s hard to compete with that.

You don't compete with anyone!

WH is apologetic and tells me that it was purely sexual and he does not love my sister (which I definitely believe). She is also remorseful and felt like she had no other option

BULL SHIT! BULL SHIT! AND MORE BULLSHIT! They had morals of an alleycat all at your expense and are crying the blues they got discovered. They DGAF about you during their affair. They only "care" now so they can mitigate the damages.

If your "sister" is married - inform OBS ASAP. And inform your parents. Heck - inform your parents first.

What you do from here is up to you. But damn it - this boggles my mind. Their behavior takes sleazy to a new level.

My keyboard is melting from all the stuff I typed and deleted. The "F" on that particular key has shattered from this post alone!

Chaos' reaction basically hit my own on the nose.

Their behavior takes sleazy to a new level.

My keyboard is melting from all the stuff I typed and deleted. The "F" on that particular key has shattered from this post alone!

I'm so sorry, I can't even find the words. Please take care of the basics for YOU. STD tests, read in the Healing Library (yellow box upper left corner) and get into IC for yourself. This is a major trauma made worse due to it being your sister. I am so sorry you're here. Please keep posting - we are here for you.

I have to say I’d see a therapist AND a lawyer. If you don’t have kids, think about cutting your losses and dumping them both. You are living in a skeevy Jerry Springer episode.

Some things are just unforgivable, and for me... fucking my sister would be one of them. I wouldn't worry about what you've read, if you want out, get out. Give this asshat his own legal fees to worry about.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

Do you know yet what you want to do? I'll tell you, both your sister and your H sound like people I'd want to stay away from, especially based on what you've said so far, but perhaps there are mitigating circumstances.

SI has a forum called 'I Can Relate;' in it you'll find a thread called 'Double Betrayal.' I recommend looking into the thread.

My reco is that you focus on your own healing, and that means, IMO, dealing with the feelings of anger, grief, fear, and even shame that come with being betrayed. Getting help from an IC or pastor or from a very carefully chosen friend often speeds that process up.

Start with this, though: your H cheated because of some issue(s) inside him. He didn't cheat because of issues with you or with your M. He effed up totally on his own.

The H you deserve would have just said 'No' to your sister.

Also, have faith in yourself to heal, with or without your H.

I have to say I’d see a therapist AND a lawyer.

I would say the same thing actually. I spent two years trying to divorce an unremorseful wayward spouse. In hindsight, I wish that I had simply contacted a lawyer immediately.

Ouch! Just freaking ouch! Is dysfunctional a term you've heard used before around your family?

My first thought is to divorce your WH ASAP and take everything he has because he's a sexual deviant. And never trust you sister around your partners again. Don't allow her to your house again.

Sometimes hasty knee-jerk decisions are the best decisions.

I wish the best for you.

[This message edited by Dismayed2012 at 5:00 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]

Their excuse or justification is as sick as the Affair.

This will be very tough to recover from given she’s your sister.

Please get yourself your own counselor. It will help you tremendously.

I dont have a lot of useful things to say because I am just so shocked. I did want to say I am thinking of you & I am so sorry. I am glad you found SI. Please work on getting a therapist.

Remember the commercials for the SMASH MUTE BUTTON for your TV? This website needs a FUCK THAT BUTTON. Because if ever a post deserved it it's this one. It would save us all a lot of typing.

No one works off their legal fees by screwing their brother-in-law. If you have even a thimble full of pity for her you have Mother Theresa beat for Sainthood.

And I don't care what your sister waved in your husbands face. NO! is a complete sentence.

Ugh!

I’m so sorry. You’ve come to the right place. Try to follow the advice you receive here, even when it may seem harsh.

If you eventually reconcile your marriage and your relationship with your sister, you’re a much better person then I . I would have already moved out.

Good luck

I'm so sorry.

This is sick on so many levels, yet the formality of the arrangement seems to rule out any substance abuse or mental health issues on your H side (other than being morally bankrupt).

STD test, 180 them both, and expose to everyone. People like your sister are desperate and could cause harm to other family members. Your H is an opportunistic predator.

It sounds like you have proof that they may have both committed crimes (prostitution/solicitation). Keep safe copies of that in multiple locations should you need it for leverage at some point.

I think you need to cut them both out of your life. Focus on yourself with therapy, diet, and exercise.

[This message edited by recovering2018 at 3:22 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]

Baffled! So he charged a certain amount for a blow job? For missionary? For anal? And she worked off her loan?! That takes some definite conniving to come up with this type of payment plan. Probably not his first rodeo. Get tested for STD’s and see a lawyer. I’m so sorry for this horrible betrayal.

[This message edited by CometGirl at 3:39 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]

I am sorry you are here. They are NOT sorry for what they did. Your sister is a prostitute and your husband is a John. It's as simple as that. This sickens me and I am sorry this is happening to you.

Waiting for what! For him to get some morals? For her to grow up? This is unforgivable, in my opinion. I second the idea that this is prostitution and coercion by a lawyer. It is enough to make you gag.

I am so sorry. What your husband and sister did to you is just horrific. It's honestly unforgivable, and I think your first reaction was the correct one - to cut them both out of your life forever. Your WH clearly has zero respect for you or your marriage. I guarantee this isn't the first time he's cheated on you. Fucking your wife's sister is bad enough, but to do it in such a calculated, disgusting way and for SIX FUCKING MONTHS multiple times a week?? You should expose these two to EVERYONE. You have nothing to be embarrassed out, you are the victim here! Your sister is just as bad as he is. Of course it's your decision to R or D, but I just don't see how anyone could ever get past something like this. Get into counseling ASAP and try to take care of yourself. Also see a lawyer first thing.

All alone, I'm sorry for your pain. The two people who should have loved you chose this heartless betrayal instead. This is a double betrayal, which is hellish in itself. I see you are getting great advice, its good you found SI, you are no longer alone (your screen name). Can you confide in a friend or family member?