SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

All alone, I am so sorry for what these two people have done to you. It was a complete betrayal by both of them. Ordinarily I'm in complete support of reconciliation, but I don't think I could ever get past this. Please don't be embarrassed for their behavior. You did nothing wrong and the family, friends, and entire town need to know what they did. Please take care of yourself. You don't need to make an immediate decision, but that doesn't mean your WH needs to be in the same house while you weigh your options. I think you might benefit from lots of space. Post often. Many ((hugs)) being sent your way.

HUSBAND

Divorce immediately and never contact him again.

SISTER

Keep her at arms length and NEVER introduce her to any future partners you have.

This broke my heart ((hugs))... I'm so sorry that your dealing with this double betrayal... You are in the right place

She is also remorseful and felt like she had no other option. I am a bit sympathetic on that point, but if she was going to effectively become a hooker, she could have done it with someone other than my husband.

She had no other option? Really? Nothing else she could do to earn money other than prostitute herself to her own sister's husband.

Fuck. That. Shit.

This is your SISTER. Don't you dare start having sympathy for her! Please understand this is manipulation to take away from the fact she stabbed her own sister in the back. Cheaters lie and lie some more. The crocodile tears. The utter confusion as to what they did.

She went to your home on a mission and dressed for the situation. There was no spontaneity here, this was calculated and done with intent.

I honestly don't know who is the most abhorrent of the two. Her or your WH for happily creating a price list for her services. These are two very fucked up people and I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I'm so sorry that you have been betrayed by, not one but two loved ones.

She is also remorseful and felt like she had no other option. I am a bit sympathetic on that point,

If you are at all sympathetic, you need find a therapist immediately. Your sister knew your husband wanted her and she used that to betray you for six months. And she would have continued to do it if you hadn't found out. She didn't continue just to pay the bills. She enjoys the attention and will probably not ever stop sleeping with him behind your back What does remorse mean in this context? What is she going to do about herself?

My guess is that one or both of them will soon start blaming you.

Barcher144 is right. Between the two of them, they know all your vulnerabilities and will start using them against you. Don't be surprised if one or both demands instant forgiveness then says that ifop you don't, there's no reason for them to st. You are already sympathetic to your sister even though you knew what kind of person she was before this happened. And you are too quick to accept your husband's plea that "it was only sex even though you know he has always let you know that he was interested in, not just your sister, but other women too. What is he doing now besides telling you more lies about love?

Make two appointments for yourself this week: a lawyer and a counselor. Your husband and sister need make their own plans. Do not suggest or agree to any couples counseling until he takes responsibility for repairing the marriage he tore apart.

Hi, welcome to SI.

Gently, your husband and your sister are the lowest of the low IMO.

Honestly, I'd remove both of them from my life. They are disgusting human beings to say the least.

Do you have family and friends you can lean on for support? Therapy is a must.

Infidelity is an emotional nightmare, knowing that TWO people who should have had your back stabbed it repeatedly is unforgiveable in my book.

I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

I am so sorry that this happened. I hope that you have people that can support you. This is heartbreaking.

Both your husband and sister are incredibly manipulative. It sounds that they regret getting caught - remorse ? absolutely not.

Both got what they wanted, it was well planned, negotiated, executed and even commoditized - a business deal. They were willing to pay freely with your marriage. The fact that your husband assigned a "price" for sexual acts for "payment" speaks volumes to his lack of morals.

I know the wisdom of waiting to decide so you don't make rash decisions, I've followed it. A year later I am still deciding. I suggest that you weigh this wisdom against what you can deal with.

My gut says to go to a lawyer and file - you can execute if you decide. Certainly distance yourself from your sister.

Sounds like neither of them have experienced consequences for their actions, nor, are accountable for their decisions.

Big hugs, keep posting here, there is lots of collective wisdom.

I honestly don't know who is the most abhorrent of the two. Her or your WH for happily creating a price list for her services.

This ^^^^^

I have no words. Tell your family what they did. Divorce them both.

so your WH really has the eye for hot girls, even if it's your sister. and, loser that he is, the first chance he gets to bang the hottie, he's all in.

your sister is a disgusting person who is deceitful in everyway. she used the casual and trusting relationship to extract money for sex with your H, right under your nose, in your own home, in total deceit.

file for D just to get his attention. your sugar daddy H is a businessman. losing money really hurts. get an expensive lawyer and start demanding all the financial records for the business and all financial assets. send him the bill for the attorney. he's into hottie sex and business success. go after both at the same time. then send him financial reports of the total assets and what the equal division looks like.

tell this #@!#ing sister of yours that you never want to see her face again. she's unlawful, very wayward and completely slutty. haven't you had enough?

he paid her legal fees. it's time he paid yours.

[This message edited by rugswept at 7:35 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)]

How old are you and your WH?. How old is your sister now? How old was she when you met your Wh?

If she were my sister, depending on what the crime was, I would call the prosecutor's office and tell them how she got her legal defense money via prostitution with your husband. That would be the consequences she deserves.

As for your husband, I don't know that any amount of remorse can fix this. One thing for sure is that your family of origin is no longer a safe place for you, and I'd probably burn that bridge by outing her to every living member of your immediate family. Her or you. But there will no longer be a place for both of you at the same family gathering.

OMFG. I'm so sorry. That is beyond painful. The fact that you're even trying to "be understanding" raises a lot of red flags for me. Your sister did a terrible, terrible thing to you and your family. Your WH did an equally terrible thing. There is absolutely no rationale on this planet that can offset those facts. Your sister had choices. Your WS had choices. They choose the wrong ones. But you are now in the position to make some decisions of your own.

I understand the shame that you feel, but you did nothing to invite this into your life. This is all of them. Every single last bit of it.

Please see an IC for support and to sift through this emotional minefield. It will also help you process and see this situation a lot clearer then you are able to at the moment.

I would think very seriously about separating from your WS to give you some time to assess and regroup. I would let your parents know what's happened. Give yourself some time and distance and with the help of a good IC, you'll start to see these things with a different, clearer perspective.

((((hug)))

AllAlone, so sorry you're going through this.

You realize you husband and sister are scum, right?

Six months?

If it were me, I couldn't serve the divorce papers fast enough.

Please don't stay with him. He'll only do it again.

As for your sister, I wouldn't have any contact with her. Probably forever.

Keep us posted.

The H you deserve would have just said 'No' to your sister.

Not only that, but a good H would have honestly been pretty disgusted at your sister too....

I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine the hell in your head right now.

This website needs a FUCK THAT BUTTON.

Hell my life needs that right now LOL

AllAlone416, I am so sorry that you have been betrayed by two of the people you should have been protecting you most.

I’m pretty attractive by any objective measure, but it’s hard to compete with that

One day their looks will be gone and they will have nothing left as it is apparent to me that neither of them have morals, integrity, self-esteem or character.

My wife has sisters which she calls friends and friends that she calls sisters. IMHO she is a sibling. Not a friend or a sister.

IMHO he is someone who lives in your house and not a husband.

He thought he could do better so let him go and I would be willing to wager that he finds that you are not the best that he can do but the very best humanity has to offer.

To me integrity and faithfulness are the best attributes a person can have and you have plenty of both.

You did not deserve this!

Oh...F*** that S***

Yep, exactly.

HUSBAND

Divorce immediately and never contact him again.

SISTER

Keep her at arms length and NEVER introduce her to any future partners you have.

I would take this a step further and be done with the sister, at least for a long time. Her betrayal is way worse than his, IMO. If she were that hard up I am sure there were other options, but she chose one of the worst routes imaginable. She's a terrible person, and you shouldn't feel at all bad for her. Screw that.

Neither of them are worthy of your time of day.

Oh dear AllAlone . . . sending you strength to cope with this.

YOU are not alone

YOU did nothing to deserve this

There are veterans of SI here that are giving you the sagest advice. If the advice feels overwhelming right now, that is absolutely normal, but it can save you (especially at the beginning of finding out about betrayal).

Things to do:

Kick your WH out of the home

Make the house your safe place - remove visuals that send you into the rabbit hole. Empty his stuff from your closet(s).

Remove your sister from your life indefinitely

No Contact with WH

Out your WH and sister to family & friends

See a lawyer

Separate finances, get a solo account and move $ into it

For your health:

Appt for STD screening

If you are finding it difficult to sleep, you can get a prescription for the lowest dose of sleep aid so that you get 4-6 hrs sleep

Drink, drink, drink water - no alcohol

Eat - if that’s difficult (totally normal) get a liquid meal replacement, make smoothies, whatever you can manage - we’ve had members hospitalized bc they didn’t manage food & water intake

Get into individual counseling (IC) - you need professional support. This goes so much beyond basic infidelity issues.

What they did is a crazy kind of sick. What they did is unparalleled to almost everything I’ve read on this site.

My heart goes out to you. Please take care of you - concentrate on you.

I do have some words. I can't begin to express the disgust I have for a man that would take the time to come up with an itemization of the monetary value of sex acts. And, that he did this with your sister compounds it so much. He is a disgusting person.

I do think your sister's betrayal is worse. If we have nothing else in life, we should feel safe with our blood relatives. There is something seriously wrong with her.

Dear AllAlone ... this is just about the worst betrayal. The pain and disorientation you must be feeling - just KNOW that NONE of this is on you. It's bad enough when a partner betrays you ... but to betray you with your sister And your sister - well how could anyone be that selfish. The fact that you are

a bit sympathetic

is what they are counting on. Actions have consequences. They weren't sympathetic towards you when they "drew up their contract.

Right now no one else knows - it would just be too embarrassing for everyone. So I’m here suffering in silence and posting things anonymously

I'd change that immediately. You've nothing to be embarrassed about - you didn't do anything wrong but to trust your husband and your sister. Imagine yourself years down the line...is this something you won't think about on a dialy (hourly) basis? Start telling close friends and family...see a lawyer... take care of YOU and let them each deal with the consequences.