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Unsurprising comment from her brother, but it is likely to get you off the hook in their eyes. While hopefully all of us see the acts themselves as the problem, her brothers and dad see who the acts were conducted with as the unforgivable aspect. Ugly, but I wouldn’t quibble with them over it given the circumstances.

.I think you have hit the whore on the head.

I love your sense of humor. ROFLMAO 🤣

This so funny !!!!!!!

Funny thing about cheaters. When you as the BS finally have had enough and are moving on, they are shocked!!

At dday2 when I told my H (very calmly) that I was D him b/c I had no other choice -he was stunned. When I told him he was free (at this moment) to be with the OW or anyone rise you choose - he suddenly did not want that.

Ironic that a few hours before he wanted a D from me to be with the OW.

Typical cheaters - they don’t know what they want and expect us as the BS to sit around and wait until they figure it out. I did the “pick me” dance for 6 months. Stupid me - but at least I finally woke up and took back control of my life. I wasn’t on SI at the time so I was on my own to figure it out.

I learned some valuable lessons and keep them with me. Always. And proud I survived it with my head held high. Just like Westway here. Doing the right thing. 👍🏻

[This message edited by The1stWife at 11:47 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]

Smart to confirm or deny anything about the OM's race to her family.

1 - it's your bargaining chip for a smooth divorce

2 - sounds like the brother already knew about her interest in interracial sex before she married you.

Saw the oldest brother last night at a party for his wife's birthday.

"She's been fucking around with n*##ers hasn't she?" He asked me when we were kind of alone.

I think you're going to be so much happier when this whole family of racist weirdos is in your rearview mirror. Hopefully, you'll be able to provide enough sanity and stability to counter any ill effects of their influence on your children.

Westway you've mentioned her father and brothers are crazy (and racists).

Are you concerned at all that they won't want this to get out (who she's been messing around with)? More importantly what they might do to keep it from getting out?

Concerned for your safety?

Could you let it be known that if something happens to you that the info is with someone who will make sure this gets out (and in the hands of the police) so they better back the F up.

Saw the oldest brother last night at a party for his wife's birthday.

"She's been fucking around with n*##ers hasn't she?" He asked me when we were kind of alone.

I figured he would put two and two together pretty quickly. Don't to explain much when there is already plenty of past history of behavior doing that for you.

Is it wrong for me to be enjoying this on some level?

The problem is things can and often do go south quickly. If Mommy and Daddy’s Princess has been unhappy for a long time (violin!) you’ll be their scapegoat. That she stepped out to other men, they’ll conclude it’s because you weren’t taking care of business. Your (everyone’s) WS’s fucked up priorities originate somewhere, and the apple often doesn’t fall far from the tree. Even the pat on the shoulder you gave her should be avoided. That stuff gets rewritten to abuse.

You’ve poked the bear, you need to stay on your guard.

Booyah

Westway you've mentioned her father and brothers are crazy (and racists).

Are you concerned at all that they won't want this to get out (who she's been messing around with)? More importantly what they might do to keep it from getting out?

Concerned for your safety?

Could you let it be known that if something happens to you that the info is with someone who will make sure this gets out (and in the hands of the police) so they better back the F up.

No they won't do anything to me. I'm not worried. Now if they catch one of the guys she's been banging? They might put some hurt on him. But they would have to get her dad's permission first.

Phantasmagoria

The problem is things can and often do go south quickly. If Mommy and Daddy’s Princess has been unhappy for a long time (violin!) you’ll be their scapegoat. That she stepped out to other men, they’ll conclude it’s because you weren’t taking care of business. Your (everyone’s) WS’s fucked up priorities originate somewhere, and the apple often doesn’t fall far from the tree. Even the pat on the shoulder you gave her should be avoided. That stuff gets rewritten to abuse.

You’ve poked the bear, you need to stay on your guard.

They know I've been a good husband to her. I don't think she has been blaming me. She's actually been behaving herself. She is under a microscope right now. Her sister knows the truth, so does her oldest brother. As for her mom and dad, if they cannot see things for what they are then they are both really stupid people. And you cannot fix stupid, so I won't try.

My goal is to take a bow and exit the stage without tripping on the scenery.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been the greatest husband of all time, at some point she will very likely switch to self-preservation mode. At that point the betrayed spouse also becomes the blamed spouse. It’s part of the cheater script. Not always, but your situation is a good candidate for it.

My goal is to take a bow and exit the stage without tripping on the scenery.

WOW - Bravo ... I will try to remember this ... I think there are many times in life this is good advice.

Keep an eye on your youngest....something tells me she's flapping in the wind....or at least feels like she is!

But what the phuck do I know....

So a 180 story:

Last night as I was getting ready to turn in my WW comes into the living room and asks is she can talk to me in the kitchen. So I slip my VAR on in my pocket and go in and we're standing on opposite sides of the kitchen island and she just stands there with eyes swollen and looking like she had been crying for hours. And we stand there and stand there and like the 180 says to I wait for her to start. Finally after about two minutes she finally whispers out "I'm sorry for all the things I did. I should have told you a long time ago that I wasn't happy."

I just nodded. "Yeah that would have been nice."

She waited and tears were streaming down and she finally said "I can't believe you're moving on so quickly. It's like everything is going fast forwards."

"The sooner we get divorced the sooner we can go on to be with the kind of people we want to be with." I answered her.

And we just stood there and stood there, and stood there and stood there. Finally I patted her on the shoulder and told her it would all work out. Then I just went up to my room.

That's a master class in dealing with a wayward wife after they've been served. Wow.

Hey Westy

Hold your head up high you are the man who has tried and done everything thing right.

Well her family needed to know the truth and now they do. They still don’t have the full picture and at the moment they don’t have to.

I applauded you.

Some of your comments make me laugh, well at least smile 😃

Keep up looking after yourself and DD. I hope it worked out well for you.

Buffer

She's really starting to do things to provoke me. Saturday night our daughter was at a sleepover and from 6:00 p.m. until she went to bed she walked around the house in nothing but a tight tank-top and her lace panties. And even with good heating the house is a bit on the chill side. She knows I haven't gotten laid for a couple months now. Is she making a point? Showing me what I'm losing? Because instead of making me horny it's pissing me off. Why would she try to entice a guy she claims she's not attracted to? Is she horny and just wants to rub one out with me?

[This message edited by Westway at 1:12 PM, November 25th (Monday)]

First anger and blame didn't work on you. Then tears and guilt didn't affect you. Yeah, sex is next in the line up.

You are doing great and showing dignity and strength. Go Westway! Keep it up.

A tiger generally doesn't change its stripes. Take into account her past methods of manipulating you. If the shoe fits then you have your answer as to her motives. I'd suspect it involves a greasy back alley to changing your mind about divorce.

You already know this, but you are a quality man. You're faithful, hardworking and you've never committed adultery. There are lots of women who are already attracted to you right now.

Your wife is nothing special. She never was. You wouldn't have a long history to fall back on with another woman, but you also wouldn't have a shitshow of contempt, pain, grief and anger either.

There are plenty of quality women out there who would be thrilled to be with a stable, hardworking, loyal man. And you are compatible with thousands of them.

Stay in monk mode with her and get out of this mess.

She’s trying to prove you want her and can’t be without her. It’s about the balance of power.