Looking forward to the day I wake up and feel glorious.
TG, that day is coming, I am sure! You are a caring and lovely person, from what I've seen here. God has a plan for you. The waiting is hard, I can imagine - I haven't been alone long enough to really feel that lonely - but I know those days will be in my future too.
This has been my first week with WH being out of the house. I am feeling relief and not lonely - and some hours of peace. BUT I am super triggery and weak.
Already some crap had happened on Sunday when I found out that WH met with FAP at Costco to use her membership discount and get a new TV for his apt. even though they are "not together and just friends" now.
Our 20th anniversary was this Tuesday. I woke up deciding to stay busy and assembled a new dinette table and chairs that I had delivered that day :)
Suddenly at 11:30 am WH stops at the house, comes in the kitchen with flowers,throws his arms around me with loud, shaking sobs, how sorry he is, what a beautiful day it was he will never forget. Kids even poked their heads out of their rooms, they had never heard that sound out of their father (actually nor have I)
I have had so many moments of despair since last DDay Feb 20th but this made me numb. I was quiet and no tears. It caught him off guard and he seemed embarrassed.
turns out he had just come from our stepdaughter's apartment and had finally told her the truth (admitted being unfaithful). I realized then the tears were more for him and and his shame to his daughter than the loss of us.
Later that night he logged out himself from the Life360 locator family circle. It was another stab. That was something that had both been a help and a curse when we were trying R. I had stopped looking at it very often unless I was triggered (sunday) and was preparing to detach from it myself in a few days knowing it is just a source of pain now. But on our anniversary it would have brought me some peace knowing he was at his new empty apartment perhaps even feeling a little miserable. Seriously, let me at least control this process of moving on in my life, Ass! Why did he feel it necessary that day? I texted him how I felt.
Then I was okay the next day. I deleted him from the circle altogether. He even stopped by the next day for some stuff and I was fine. We were cordial and I had no triggers.
Then last night I went in my Instagram to delete a page I had created for my cats. While in there I looked at his page. Saw that he is following FAP (lied about that a few months ago when I hadn't found out yet but suspected her) and saw he has been "liking" every single post she added since last DDay! She had posted some joke about the high rate of divorce and separation during covid being an advantage for singles and he "liked" it! What a POS. Those two POS are made for each other. I wrote a reply "wow, nice to see you like this @(WH'sname)". I wanted both of them to see that I had seen it and my profile still had a pic of us as a couple so wanted homewrecker to see that too.
In my weakness I ended up texting him how the lengths of how obvious he was and public (he is tech stupid) he doesn't get that unless you block someone you can see all their instagram posts (including our kids if they went on his page and saw his followings) And that his selfishness, hurtfulness and his pathetic need to seek her out after she broke it off was beyond my comprehension. How I had posted so many times about what a GREAT HUSBAND in tough times, showing gratitude for anything nice he had done, compliments on special occasions and he wouldn't even "like" them - and then when I would ask if he saw and why didn't he comment he would get mad and say "you know I'm not big on social media" what a needy lying hypocrite.
I am not trying hard to dig anymore, just more sh** keeps popping up very available to me. He's either terrible about covering tracks, or just doesn't care who might see..
Going to call to schedule another consultation for a lawyer. WH keeps saying how he will take care of us but every time I turn around there is some other discovery. I just want the triggers to stop, I just want to get on with my life. I know I need to detach as much as possible for this to happen. he's so two -faced because he's so kind now when he's here so it makes it difficult and I want it to feel normal for the kids..
Sorry for the rant. Roller-coaster week.
I have suspected that Cheaters don’t actually believe in God. If they did, how could they cheat?
20yrsagoBS - I couldn't agree more. You don't cheat because it's the right thing even if you want to. Because you made a covenant before God.
DaisyAnne, Hoping for peace for you this week.