SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Try this: You go off to fuck some man outside of your marriage - don't be surprised if you come home to a broken family.

My wife does not get to fuck men outside the marriage.

***

Use REAL WORDS. Tell her what's really up.

Take control.

You are trying to be nice and polite while she's off to consummate her affair.

You'll find that when you feed a cakeater they just want more cake and it's all at your expense. It will also get you even less respect than you're getting.

Wake up

[This message edited by Marz at 12:11 PM, December 16th (Monday)]

Thanks, I had to look up grey rocking and parallel parenting.

Ok - done being positive in the response. It's allowing her to set the narrative. I'm trimming it down to just the basics - I'm drawing the line, if you go or don't cut communication I'm done. (Still unsure based on my buddies recomendation to be careful saying divorce right off the bat in a text, even if that is what I'm pursuing and scheduling right now - and I mention him because he went through a divorce, and a second wife who was having an emotional affair they reconciled with some years ago).

Leave it at that and for the next couple weeks I gather my info, prepare the papers, and we deal with kids and business by text or email only (unless we have to in person, we do still live together although I took the bedroom back over so she stays in basement).

She's telling you what she going to do. It would be in your best interest to believe her and take appropriate action immediately.

Just to be clear, you mean begin filing for divorce, documenting, etc. (all the previous advice)?

I do have to draw my line somewhere though. And if you absolutely have to go then I need to stand firm that I will begin divorce proceedings when you leave. I cannot be in a marriage with a third person involved (whom you are also planning on being physically intimite with).

Cut out the needless verbiage

I do have to draw my line somewhere though. And if you absolutely have to go then I need to stand firm that I will begin divorce proceedings when you leave. I cannot be in a marriage with a third person involved (whom you are also planning on being physically intimite with).

Cut out the needless verbiage

so:

I do have to reiterate that I'm drawing the line and if you go and are not going to cut communication with him, I'm done. I cannot be in a marriage with a third person involved

Stop trying to put lipstick on a pig for her.

An amazing parent does not blow up their family for an affair with another man.

Just to be clear, you mean begin filing for divorce, documenting, etc. (all the previous advice)?

Yes. So far your waffling and beating around the bush has told her she can have her fun at your expense and you don't like it but you'll do nothing.

Her actions need a consequence not talk. You will get nothing but what you've been getting with talk.

No contact is an action. Seeing an attorney is an action.

If she goes cut all contact. All !!!!! Where is it written that if she goes to consummate her affair you can't?

Don't make excuses. But we have kids, blah, blah, blah. She should have thought about the kids before destroying their family unit shouldn't she?

[This message edited by Marz at 12:26 PM, December 16th (Monday)]

Wake up to the facts. Her affair means more to her than you, her marriage, kids and family.

Trying to play mr nice guy to a selfish cheater won't get you anywhere.

You should download and read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover. It's a free PDF and short. It'll help you

Stop trying to put lipstick on a pig for her.

An amazing parent does not blow up their family for an affair with another man.

This was incredibly helpful - I was putting too much guilt on myself and how I could have contributed (wrongly I know, but still takes some processing to get through), but this is 100% absolutely correct, and something I can agree with right now.

Yes. So far your waffling and beating around the bush has told her she can have her fun at your expense and you don't like it but you'll do nothing.

Her actions need a consequence not talk. You will get nothing but what you've been getting with talk.

No contact is an action. Seeing an attorney is an action.

If she goes cut all contact. All !!!!! Where is it written that if she goes to consummate her affair you can't?

Don't make excuses. But we have kids, blah, blah, blah. She should have tonight about the kids before destroying their family unit shouldn't she?

Absolutely, so, I send the text:

That has been really hard to understand, why you did not see or say that. I never thought we would be in this situation either...

I do have to reiterate that if you go and are not going to cut communication with him, I'm done. I cannot be in a marriage with a third person involved, one whom you are leaving your family to go have sex with.

Then I go no contact and 180. Take ACTIONS (I already moved some money, printing out evidence, documenting daily things).

You should download and read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover. It's a free PDF and short. It'll help you

Reading that now. She can sweat it out while I figure out my reply and my plan...

You seem to have issues not fighting her battles, even when she has said you're her enemy.

Your email should have 2 things and 2 things only: 1. What you're going to do, begin divorce proceedings. 2. Explain why, she's cheating, do not justify her cheating for her, it takes 1 sentence that's only 2 words or three without the contraction.

Anything beyond that will be used as ammo by her later, you seem incapable of understanding how to make statements without concessions, so for your best interest saying nothing to as little as possible, this is your go to from now on.

Divorce. Kids. silence. No other topics or talk nothing will help you, you're far to close to, and affected, by this to come up something on the fly that won't just set you back.

[This message edited by Skadu at 12:38 PM, December 16th (Monday)]

That has been really hard to understand, why you did not see or say that. I never thought we would be in this situation either...

I do have to reiterate that if you go and are not going to cut communication with him, I'm done. I cannot be in a marriage with a third person involved, one whom you are leaving your family to go have sex with.

This can be whittled down to:

If you go and are not going to cut communication with him, I'm done and will directly proceed with the divorce process.

And then go Hard 180 and No Contact. ACT NOW.

I WILL NOT be in a marriage with a third person involved, one whom you are leaving your family to go have sex with.

Don’t lose that line. It sums it up in a nutshell. Keep it.

The most important thing for you now is no contact. It's a consequence.

learn to ignore. If not you'll just keep yourself in limbo. No one has the power to do that but you.

Do not bite on texts or answer her calls. If she makes that choice you need to go your own way.

A lot talk about no contact but never achieve it. I know 3 who use it correctly and they all swear by it. It only works if you fully apply it. Block on social media too. Her and her family.

Your adulteress behavior will cause consequences.

Yeah, I’d leave that line in. How about, “…one whom you are abandoning your family….”

she is offering nothing new and she is not expecting a reply I guess. she is trying to bait you incase her imagined wonderland go bad. Just keep quite. she will be intrigued more and write to you or talk to you again. As I said she will try more to keep you in tow (plan B). Crying, promising that nothing will happen etc etc. Nothing short of not going and cutting all connections and opening to you should be your stand.

Keep in mind you will get through this.

She's a want but you don't need her.

I WILL get through this, and will be a better man on the other side of this!

Stop trying to put lipstick on a pig for her.

An amazing parent does not blow up their family for an affair with another man.

This was incredibly helpful - I was putting too much guilt on myself and how I could have contributed (wrongly I know, but still takes some processing to get through), but this is 100% absolutely correct, and something I can agree with right now.

Yes. So far your waffling and beating around the bush has told her she can have her fun at your expense and you don't like it but you'll do nothing.

Her actions need a consequence not talk. You will get nothing but what you've been getting with talk.

No contact is an action. Seeing an attorney is an action.

If she goes cut all contact. All !!!!! Where is it written that if she goes to consummate her affair you can't?

Don't make excuses. But we have kids, blah, blah, blah. She should have tonight about the kids before destroying their family unit shouldn't she?

The most important thing for you now is no contact. It's a consequence.

learn to ignore. If not you'll just keep yourself in limbo. No one has the power to do that but you.

Do not bite on texts or answer her calls. If she makes that choice you need to go your own way.

A lot talk about no contact but never achieve it. I know 3 who use it correctly and they all swear by it. It only works if you fully apply it. Block on social media too. Her and her family.

Goalong just said to say nothing and she is not expecting a reply. But I'm wondering if I should at least still send this text to make it clear what I'm expecting (because of my previous waffling, I need to establish the boundary).

THEN I follow through with the consequence (no contact, begin divorce proceedings, etc.).

That has been really hard to understand, why you did not see or say that you recognized this was extremely wrong. I never thought we would be in this situation either...

I do have to reiterate that if you go and are not going to cut communication with him, I'm absolutely done. I cannot be in a marriage with a third person involved, one whom you are abandoning your family to go have sex with

Looks like you are getting a crash course on how to handle infidelity... now that your perspective has changed, I suggest you reread all replies in your thread, some of the answers will make more sense now