SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We hear so many messages that we won’t be wanted when we are older. Youth is prized for all genders yes, but women bear the burden of that the most.

If there is any doubt there is a current thread where some here refer middle aged woman as "hitting the wall". Desperately needing to find another man with her aged looks. Oh and the same aged men well they can walk out and bed a lady the same day. TONS of options (women arent special).Its all gravy for fellas. Never saw anyone having any issues with those comments. But a bw asking a specific question that pertains to her life, well we cant have that now can we.

Seekers,

Exactly. I'm beginning to see the bigger picture in terms of their WWs. This mentality isnt brought on by their wives actions. There are deeper issues here. These types seem more upset by the fact that their wives were the first to step out of the marriage.

As a BW, I dont see men the same way, nor do I believe all have this mentality. I know this because I raised my son, to think outside the program, while instilling boundaries. He has a great deal of empathy and introspective.

Sadly, this negative view on women, is exactly what I'm trying to escape. For people in my position, there are too many risks in aquiring another just like him. Not worth it.

Do you know how you can confidently know why and when a much younger man hits on you? When he asks your number before he knows your name or how many kids you have, or any fact about you at all.

I think you are selling yourself short. How many other social cues or behaviors can be noticed in a short period of time? Do you carry yourself with your head held high? Did you make eye contact? If you were at a starbucks, did you tip well? Maybe say a funny joke to the waitress? Did you hold the door open for the person behind you as you walked in? All these are small things even dumb apes can notice. If kindness, confidence, and humor are traits a man is attracted to. The example I just gave would be worth asking for your number. All can be learned without asking how many kids you have. lol

It appears some women believe men aren't capable of being more than a dumb animal. I understand my username doesn't help our case.

But a bw asking a specific question that pertains to her life, well we cant have that now can we.

I thought this thread was going well. OP received insight from many different people. Some men were even willing to be brutally honest. Were women only supposed to respond? or were we supposed to give a specific answer?

I don't understand Forgive me, I'm just a dumb ape.

[This message edited by Neanderthal at 9:49 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

It feels like we are honestly questioning (as in the original post) why an older guy who is clearly not in his physical prime seeks a woman 15 or 20 years his junior who cannot possibly be into anything other than his daddy role as provider and "man with the answers." Why would this make people defensive? We all know the truth about why younger women go with older men, and it ain't looks. We get that SHE looks good, but he doesn't. Us older people are just not in our prime. So why would a guy want to put himself in the position of getting used or looking foolish or feeling inferior when a guy her own age walks by? And I am asking because as an older woman who was separated for several years, I had the looks and offers from handsome young guys who looked pretty damn good, and it never occurred to me to accept their offers. I felt flattered for 5 seconds, and then reality smacked me upside the head. Some men irl and on this thread have felt the same way, but there are many (my friends on OLD say it's ridiculous) men out there trying to land a youngster. Why? There is a strong likelyhood that she is dating older for lots of other reasons that have nothing to do with old people being hot.

I keep landing on the ego thing: secure men don't need to impress a girl or impress anyone with a girl. They go for the real things like genuine connection, compatability, and shared values. I am actually a few years older than my H, just a few. More than that, and the connection is often lost. I have a friend six years older than his W, and he feels they are too far apart.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 10:03 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

I think there are a lot of generalizations going on here. All but one of my friends are either married or in relationships with people approximately their age. Yes, there are likely more older men married to younger women than the other way around, but is this a significant enough percentage to say "men like younger women?" My personal experience is this is not the case in general. I also agree there are many single people no matter if they are male or female who continue to be single for a reason. It's for this reason I do not hang out with single people and am not actively looking to date.

I was expecting to spend the rest of my life with my ex and this was independent of hair color, looks or weight. Now that I have a do over I do have some expectations, but not too many and at least I think they are realistic.

I for one am not looking for someone half my age plus seven. That's just too young! That's more my fathers style, but he is bad with math and mixed addition with subtraction .

Neanderthal I was really being tongue in cheek just being light hearted. A man of any age can only be after that. It is really more of a character issue. Your username is perfect. And let's be honest. Some men do live up to that stereotype but there are also some good guys out there like those of you here on SI

Owning it this is so true. The same guy who commented about a younger woman to me became upset at the notion that I would consider a younger man much younger than him. He started making many comments about how good looking he was and what good shape he is in and so on. He felt really insecure to me at that moment. I do think men also feel their aging status, not just women.

By the way...I am 'middle aged' and am rocking it. I am in great shape (work hard at it for me), am educated, and take care of myself. It is not old at all and I am not fake young. I wouldn't even want a man child. Maybe that is the point. A confident secure man with a healthy ego wouldn't be creepy.

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 10:56 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Why do women like taller men?

Why do women like men who are doing well financially?

Why do women like men with full heads of hair?

Why do women like men who have a stronger build?

***

These are all questions.

Silly questions.

So why would a guy want to put himself in the position of getting used or looking foolish or feeling inferior when a guy her own age walks by?

That's something that blew my WH's mind when I pointed it out to him. The last OW was twenty years younger than him. Didn't look it though. First time I saw a picture of her, she was posing with a friend and I thought it was her adult daughter.

But yeah, I expect my WH felt like he was cock of the walk. He was off the rails and manic at the time. The OW was no great beauty, but then again, he was a fairly grizzled fellow well into his 50's. Surely it must've been his inescapable charm and good looks, not to mention the mesmerizing quality of his dick pics, right?

Reality didn't hit him until I looked him in the eye and asked him what the difference between him and a man 20 years younger might be? After all, the OW had advertised for "older". What do older men have that younger ones don't? It was one of those moments when you're watching someone's face and you can SEE the penny drop. All of her previously innocuous comments about where they would live and where they would travel and the things they would buy and how he'd be such a great step-father helping raise her kid.. all slammed into place leaving him gawping like a goldfish.

I honestly don't know how a person can get themselves so twisted up that they believe their own foolishness. Certainly, there's conceit involved, but underneath, at least for some people, I think maybe the conceit is papering over a very poor self-esteem which thinks "love" must be bought. Kind of sad when you think of it like that.

Chamomile, my WS had never thought about it at all... until I pointed it out to him that his much younger OW that he managed....got a big raise, promotion, and preferential treatment while sleeping with the boss (him of course). Duh. He looked totally dumb founded. He must have been thinking he was just all that. I was surprised he was that big of a dumb ass. Sad indeed on so may levels

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 12:05 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Jesusismyanchor-

I'm sorry, I didnt address your post directly. I completely understand the hurt place this stems from and I also saw it as more hypothetical.

Unfortunately, I knew the types of replies that were abound...its always the same few. I typically sit back and watch the shit show.

Persoanlly speaking, I know that posts like these can stem from very dark place and it doesnt help to have the same few attempt to validate their horrible views of women as facts.

I'm a factual person and what I do know is that cheating (of any kind) stems from a lack of self esteem. Seeking out the young, exclusively, circles back to power and control...sometimes money. The young are easier to manipulate...then you have those that will justify their action with "gold-digger" stereotype...refusing to realize their lives run parallel to their own. Women in this position have "daddy issues", while the men have issues with their mothers. It's in text.

The "caveman has needs" has to do with old psychological conditioning. It has been used to coddle abusive behavior, as it was programmed into women as a means to keep us submissive As we women know, Statistics have long turned this on its head. We cheat just as frequently and for the same reasons, circling into the lack of self esteem. This doesnt fit the narrative and therefore drugs cant be perscibed. Mmhmmm

We have also been lied to with this idea that we arent visual creatures...its sad that women are still manipulated into believing this (more submissive control)....fact, a huge portion of us(majority) are artistically inclined, right down to thoughts and creativity in sex. We are also visual learners....but somehow, we arent allowed to have these impure thoughts...see the pattern? (Hypothetical) Yes, we fantasize about body parts or find others attractive...while insecure men, with an Madonna whore complex, repress these women into state of feeling invisible. We have been repressed into believing it stops short in the bedroom because it gives a great excuse for men to project the blame, while objectifying women. Up until very recently, husbands have been known to admit their wives into institutions, while pursuing the young piece of ass. He only had to "claim" she was "crazy". Coincidence? Ummmm no this was psychology of the day.

What I say isnt profound or inline with some feminist movement of the day...ironically, misogynists are much like their archenemy, the feminist. They fear and loath each other...I say put them on an island and let them fight it out till death.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 1:29 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Lol, yeah that sounded extremely factual!

I don’t know when SI became open season for trashing men. I swear this place used to be about surviving infidelity. Now, well, guys get shit on for having preferences in a partner, or wanting to know their past, or desiring a more fulfilling sex life. They’re compared to rapists and sexual abusers, or called creeps and disgusting. They’re shamed for “wrong think”. Fuck, even the Betrayed Womenz Thread can’t keep from shitting on dudes. But hey, oppression and all.

Whatever, the fact that this shit is tolerated, even considered acceptable just can’t work out well in the long run. Maybe one day a guideline could be worked out to keep SI free of the most toxic ideology to ever smack humanity. Until then, you go girl! For all the talk the of narcissism on this site, and projecting it onto others, I can’t help but laugh when reading threads like these. What a joke.

[This message edited by Loukas at 1:08 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

"Trashing men" if that's what gets you through the day...yeah calling out the same men that believe women are trying to manipulate men into bed, by means of push-up bra, is trashing them...because God forbid, they are not the 20-year-old, they were attempting to ply with liquor.

By all means, keep playing victim. It only brings the point home. It's time people say something about this...all that's been going on is how men are nothing, but "victims", in the general threads, while making generalizations of women...literally objectifying them.

Did you follow what was said or do you share in these thoughts? A bit of both, reckon.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 1:22 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah...don’t worry, your rhetoric has all been spewed before. You’re just making a stand. Women are finally standing up and speaking out loud. They are making themselves heard. And men should be scared! Different topic, same bullshit, still an infidelity site.

No victim playing here, just pointing out that the ideology doesn’t belong on an infidelity site. But since you’ve brought it up, re-read your posts, see how many times you’ve painted women as a victim.

And since we’re all about pretending stereotypes are factual, I wonder what kind of a response I’d get for starting a thread asking “Why do women nag their husbands?” I can’t help but wonder what the over under would be on how many times misogyny is used.

Unless, you identify with this character, I dont understand how this offends you. I speak of misogynistic types. Like I said....did you read what was said, or are you projecting in terms of some narrative?..I never addressed you...interesting.

By all means, keep going.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 1:34 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

What if I do identify with this character?

Great you're misogynist "heres your sign"...want cookie, too?

Lol, ok so now that I’m a misogynist, I’m no longer allowed to be offended? Or is it that you labeling me entitles you to overlook me being offended?

I mean obviously it’s only a misogynist that could be offended at the idea of BHs being upset that he didn’t get to step out of his marriage before his wife...but that wasn’t the “types” you were talking about, right?

I'm beginning to see the bigger picture in terms of their WWs. This mentality isnt brought on by their wives actions. There are deeper issues here. These types seem more upset by the fact that their wives were the first to step out of the marriage.

Anyway, with my new found label, I guess I’ll run into you on that island one day.

Again,

Never once did I generalize all betrayed men...nice try though...

Keep it coming, its beyond amusing.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 2:26 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Nor did I. “All” was your choosing. The “types” you referred to just so happen to be betrayed men, so I figured I’d highlight that. Which betrayed men, who really knows, but I’m sure you’ll either avoid clarifying or just keep deflecting. Whoever they are, they are probably misogynist as well and knowing that, who cares, right?

cheating (of any kind) stems from a lack of self esteem. Seeking out the young, exclusively, circles back to power and control...sometimes money. The young are easier to manipulate...then you have those that will justify their action with "gold-digger" stereotype...refusing to realize their lives run parallel to their own.

All true.

Again, it's not the being attracted that seems inappropriate or questionable. Young women are attractive. It's the blind spot on these women's motives that I cannot understand. It's almost a chosen blind spot. I find this fascinating as not all men have this blind spot. My brother's new wife is 6 years younger, and she looks old for her age. They are a good match.

To be honest, it's something like, "Oh, I can get a younger woman! I'm such a stud!" And then it's, "She just wanted me to spend, spend, spend. Why are women such gold diggers?" Huh? We all assumed, from the outside looking in, that you were accepting of her gold digger motives because of course that's what it is. That's the only way a younger girl will push past the less attractive older man's wrinkles and dad belly and have sex with him, that's the relational bargain! (If a woman marries much younger, it's the same bargain. Ain't no 25 year-old choosing our sagging bodies when he could have a younger one unless we are financially helping him out.)

It's a tale as old as time, right? The exchange of money and beauty? But why the blind spot from so many men? Again, as I've said 10 times, I don't get it.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 5:57 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]