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This thread reminded me of this, which went around France about a year ago. The general feeling was that one cannot help one's preferences but one should not be so gauche as to state them publicly. Though the variations on those ideas fueled many cafe and dinner party discussions.

A popular French author and television presenter has caused outrage after claiming he was “incapable” of loving a woman aged over 50.

Yann Moix, 50, told a glossy magazine: “Come on now, let’s not exaggerate! That’s not possible … too, too old.”

In the interview with Marie-Claire magazine’s French edition, Moix, the author of several prize-winning novels, added that women in their 50s were “invisible” to him.

“I prefer younger women’s bodies, that’s all. End of. The body of a 25-year-old woman is extraordinary. The body of a woman of 50 is not extraordinary at all,” he said, adding that he preferred to date Asian women, particularly Koreans, Chinese and Japanese.

“It’s perhaps sad and reductive for the women I go out with but the Asian type is sufficiently rich, large and infinite for me not to be ashamed.”

Moix has won several literary prizes including the prestigious Prix Goncourt for a first novel and the Prix François Mauriac from the Académie Française for his 1996 debut work Jubilations Vers le Ciel, has directed three films and is the host of a popular TV talkshow.

The poor fellow had to plead: "I would like 50-year-old women to stop sending me photos of their breasts and bottoms."

No one was too worried about the Asian part.

Well, I expect his 50-year-old naked body isn't so great compared to the average 25-year-old man's.

If she is a consenting adult of legal age, of sound mind...

That's the thing though... the prefrontal cortex of the human brain doesn't fully mature until we're in our mid-20's. So, your basic 20 year-old is NOT of sound mind. She's still susceptible to an immature judgment center.

Agreed.

They lack the life experience, and therefore an easy target in manipulation. The men that chase them are preditory...

SA wives got to view this, front and center. It's ugly. I'm nothing, but a shell of a human being, on auto-pilot. What I have experienced is extremely frightening and dehumanizing. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one, that is.

DevastatedDee, I think the framing that makes this approach make sense is not that men and women value physical attractiveness equally, but that men want sexually attractive/young women and women want successful/powerful/rich/statusy men. He thinks he has enough status to be as choosy as he wishes. Whether or not this is a good rule for living is another story but it is intuitive for many people. If I remember my decades ago philosophy classes Nietzsche would say that his is the master morality and any else else is sour grapes/slave morality.

[This message edited by Pippin at 3:47 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

To the topic in general. I can’t help but wonder if many of the women in this thread suffer from perception bias?

I mean I don’t seem to be reading the same outrage about older women pursuing younger men, or younger men pursuing older women, younger women pursuing older men. The outrage is pretty much focused on older men. Granted that is the topic of the thread, but if the question were asked in any of those other three ways, would the outrage be the same? Would the topic be as popular? Would older women be considered predatory, creepy and disgusting?

Off the top of my head, no one has really commented on “cougars” beyond Chamomile Tea, none the less, they exist. I’ve been hit on by many of them, especially newly divorcee’s. I’ve never been disgusted by their advances, didn’t feel a need to preach my self righteousness about they behaviour either. I’ve actually had some good chats with many of them, but never considered anything more, only because I’m just not looking for such a fling. However I understand their desire for the ego boost , sometimes it’s not even as cynical as that and simply a good time. And for some, it just might turn into relationships. Personally, I don’t understand the dynamics of a 20 year age gap relationship. I also have no desire to be in one, so I don’t really care either.

Having a brother who had a relationship with a women 18 years older than him, I tried to understand it through his eyes. They were both in it for sex. She fucked him 20 pounds lighter than his normal weight, and his young libido was able to keep up with her massive desire. Neither of them were fooling each other. They knew it would be nothing permanent, but still, it went on for just shy of two years.

I have a “step” brother who married a woman 17 years older than him when he was in his late twenties. Once again, I don’t understand it. But I can’t say I’m disgusted by it.

Not long ago, I had the misfortune of meeting up with a client and who I accidentally assumed was his daughter...the old work boot didn’t taste all that good that day. Once again, I don’t understand why the younger partner is in the relationship, but once again, it’s not really my place to need to.

Outside of my “step” brother, I don’t know of anyone in a committed relationship with an age gap over 6 years. In my experience, the sort of thing being discussed here is quite rare, yet it’s being projected like it’s the norm.

That said, I find myself in an awkward position. As I’m closing up my thirties and childless, I find myself in the position to have a family I gave up on so many years ago. But biology being the way it is, a partner my age introduces the very same struggles I had to live through with my ex in my twenties and into my thirties. Infertility is challenging and draining. I have no desire to re-live that experience again. Especially after 7 years of it already. But at the same time, I’m not super excited about a ten year age gap to help avoid fertility struggles. For me such a relationship has nothing to do with ego strokes, or appearance, or control, just biology, but the gap does terrify me when thinking about maturity and what the overall relationship would look like.

Well, to be perfectly clear, I find it gross for a woman who is 50, and dating a 20 year old boy.

Maybe it's because I'm 47. I have a 17 year old son. He is at the age where he has some friends his own age, and a few that are 19, and 20. They re all kids to me. I certainly don't sit around and sexualize these boys.

Ick.

So...yeah. It is possible to find the older woman,young man situation just as gross as the older man,young girl situation.

[This message edited by HellFire at 4:21 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Loukas to answer your question - for me personally I do take issue with huge age gaps. I mean to each their own and if it isn't hurting anyone, you do you boo, but I just don't get the appeal in either direction of being with someone so much older/younger. I (thank GOD) really don't have much in common with a 20 year old anymore.

Also just from my perspective, I have a serious problem with the 18-20 sluts thinking they have a right to poach on older married men. Like Chamomile said - they aren't 'grown' and have NO idea what they are doing cus no one that age does! And I will leave my opinion of the MEN in that scenario off of this thread.

I am an artist - I can look at and admire the aesthetic beauty of a 20 year old body sure. But the idiocy of a 20 year old mind holds absolutely NO fascination for me at this point.

I also don't find a problem with a 60 year old man, or woman, with a 30 year old partner.

It's the 20 year olds with the much older person that I find gross. Again, because I have kids that age, so, I know how immature they can be. Even the most mature 20 year old. They are,as mentioned earlier, lacking life experience, and forming their brains. In my mind, they're still kids.

YMMV

To Loukas’s point - I guess it depends on the situation on all sides but if they are under 25 no matter the side of the gender age gap - I give it some serious side eye. When my MIL was with the younger guy I didn’t know her so can’t comment, but I do know it made my H uncomfortable to have someone close to his age w his mom even though he was well into adulthood at that point.

I feel the same way the other way around too. I would not entertain a man child way my junior. It just was not the purpose of my thread and I still don’t think it is as prevalent. I have been hit on by as young as 20 and I am in my 40’s. I thought he was a cute kid. Reminded me of some of my friend’s sons. I have no double standard on that.

Here is another thing I noticed. The same man balked at the idea of dating an older woman than himself. Yet he tells me someday I should consider giving an older man a chance . They are better. What? That is a double standard for sure.

I appreciate your honesty and candor Neanderthal.

Agreed, I find the thought of a massive age gap slightly disturbing, whichever way round it is.

The outrage is pretty much focused on older men

I expect it's because that is so much more prevalent throughout history, and often predatory. And the usual bull about men finding younger women's bodies more attractive? Yes, so do I. And younger men's bodies are usually more attractive than older ones. Dont most of us think that? Oh, and the Asian cliche as well....give me a break. That featured heavily in WHs porn addiction, pathetically. Yet it amazes me that young, pretty women actually go for ugly older men, but like someone said, there are other compensations such as money and experience to make up for the older body. Shame about the shitty shallow personalities.

Again... mom goggles... but I raised one boy and one girl. And if some 50-something had ever come to my door for either one of them before the age of 30, they'd have met my friend, Mr. Shotgun.

Now, to be fair, I doubtlessly would NOT shoot anyone. But I'm not above watching them wet themselves for wondering.

DevastatedDee, I think the framing that makes this approach make sense is not that men and women value physical attractiveness equally, but that men want sexually attractive/young women and women want successful/powerful/rich/statusy men. He thinks he has enough status to be as choosy as he wishes. Whether or not this is a good rule for living is another story but it is intuitive for many people. If I remember my decades ago philosophy classes Nietzsche would say that his is the master morality and any else else is sour grapes/slave morality.

And yet, when I was 20, I found the idea of having sex with a man twice my age repugnant. His bank account didn't even come into it. Sure, if I were the type to use men for what they could do for me, I'm sure I'd have pretended attraction. That wasn't ever me.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 4:51 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

It's the same with cougars...low self esteem and preditory. Grandma believes shes gonna teach "sonney" a thing or two. The boys believe and get off on that idea...same dynamic...he has mommy issues...pretty gross, when you think about it. Lmao!

Dee I saw old dudes the same way...its because we are remotely "normal"

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 4:55 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Well, I did admit to having a cougar experience, lol, so mostly normal anyway. To be fair, the guy hit on me, thought I was in my mid-30s and told me to STFU about my age because I was hot and he was not going to care that night. And I'd just left my XWH who had paid women in their 20s to pretend he was hot, so...yeah, I did get a lot out of that beyond just how very attractive this guy was. He had to pay for that experience and it was fake, I didn't have to pay and the sex was genuinely fun for both of us. I don't go trolling for young dudes, but I certainly wasn't about to say no that night.

Sorry Dee,

I know you said you went with a young guy, following DD. I honestly dont put your situation or any betrayed (men too) in some box. Cheaters destroy your self esteem...for over a year, I thought about revenge, etc. I think we all do. It's a reflex reaction, with different intent. I kissed some young guy, as he came up and asked me to...that was right after. DD... he was good looking, I was just too broken to feel anything at all. Having a son the same age, didnt help any. LOL

It's just a real mind fuck, when you witness your husband go out and pay for it, when you're offered it for free. He didnt think I was good enough, but the punk kid does. How does this even work?

Anyway, always respect you opinion.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 5:33 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

So is the "half your age plus seven" as the dating floor no longer in vogue?[*]

* Asking for a friend.

Would older women be considered predatory, creepy and disgusting?

Yes I think this goes both ways. It's the large age gaps that bother me the 50 year old with 20 year old scenario male or female.

is the "half your age plus seven" as the dating floor no longer in vogue?

80 year-old

÷2

40 + 7 =

80 year-old with a 47 year-old???