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um no. I'm close to 57 and I'll be wearing yoga pants because they're comfortable. And also not caring what anyone else thinks.

I don't think yoga pants are considered only for young people.

Again, I never said all women pretend to be younger. I find it amazing that there are women on here who are actually try to say that women don't do that. You know that's bs. There are thousands of people who pretend to be something they are not. I'm not even talking about in regards to infidelity either. Young girls do it when they try to dress/makeup to make themselves look older than they actually are. There are students who look older than me because of the way they dress and do their makeup. They are pretending. There are women who will wear their teenage daughter's clothes because it makes them feel young. Some then try to hang out with teenage or 20 something year old kids to feel young. I'm sorry, but that is pretending. If that's what they want to do, then ok. It's still pretending though. They are pretending to be an age that they are not anymore.

Women who get extreme plastic surgery are pretending to be someone they are not. They didn't wake up with an ass like Jennifer Lopez. They didn't wake up with Kim Kardashian's cheekbones. They didn't wake up with Selma Hayek's boobs. They are pretending. Whether it's with clothes, makeup, or plastic surgery, there are women who pretend.

I’m not saying women or men never pretend to be something they are not but I think you are painting a motivation onto people too broadly and also finding fault w it -“word choice of pretending casts it a certain way.

When would you say people are “putting their best foot forward” and when would you say they are “pretending”? Curious about that.

Is makeup of any kind “pretending”. Or only when it isn’t “tasteful” to you. Is having a boob job pretending? is dying your hair pretending? It is all subjective. And saying they are all pretending makes it sound like you are judging them. My mother looks her age and dyes her hair -she is not pretending to be young. She is just used to having that color hair and isn’t trying to fool anyone that it isn’t the bottle and she isn’t 75. Dolly Parton? I would say she isn’t pretending....she is truthful about her work she has had done.

Sissoon - always a breath of fresh air to see your posts. I think the vibe a lot of women here have is the feeling of discard or potential discard and fear that comes for us with aging. It happens to us all but especially women due to expectations from society and plastic surgery moving the needle, and the biology at play wrt men and their options. It would be nice if more men could be encouraging that they find women their age appealing and not just “brutally honest” about men and biology and youth. Sigh.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 12:33 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

then why do people get braces?

Women who get extreme plastic surgery are pretending to be someone they are not

or maybe they just don't like the way they look and want to look differently.

It would be nice if more men could be encouraging that they find women their age appealing and not just “brutally honest” about men and biology and youth. Sigh.

So there was a specific answer we were supposed to give.

Also the OP was specifically asking about younger women. Not if we/men like women of our own age too. I'd guess men are open to a wider age group. I can appreciate the beauty in a youthful 21 year old. I can also appreciate the art work created by child birth. Before my wife had our child, maybe I couldn't. As I age and experience life, the things that I find attractive have changed.

So there was a specific answer we were supposed to give.

Do you want the truth, or do you want the "right answer". If it's the first, then there's value in threads like this. If it's the 2nd, well, we all KNOW the "right answer" so why bother asking?

N - that is beautifully put. Similar to how my H sees things as for women our age, but he says he is similar to me and sees younger twenties as “babies” and isn’t into them despite seeing they are beautiful.

I don’t think there was a specific answer that was right - and I cannot speak for OP and what she was looking for...but I can say that this sort of post and the comments that flow from it all come from a place of well-founded insecurity and reassuring comments are always nice to see. So, thank you!

R - nobody is denying the beauty of youth and we all know why you think. I am simply stating there is other types of beauty and it is nice when men see it. Not all do.

I think the “right” answer or whatever that is, can also be the true answer depending on the person. My H for example, I was a fool to consider ever stepping out on a gem like him. He truly sees the beauty of women at every age and he isn’t an objectifying type, doesn’t watch porn, he’s amazing. He is always reassuring of me - I just can’t help but be insecure due to my life experiences and the f’ed up society we live in. I’m working on getting away from it though. I want to stop trying. I will work out and eat right but no more makeup or any of the trying. Damned if I do or don’t so might as well do what I please.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 1:20 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

I'm curious. Would the men who think it's fine,understandable, etc, for a 50 year old man to have a "fun fling" with a 20 year old girl,be just fine if that girl was your daughter?

Of course, if you only have young children, you may be more apt to say yes, because you are picturing an older,more mature woman,not your 7 year old. But, for those of you who have a 20 year old daughter, you'd be just fine with her being a fun fling for one of your buddies?

So, there's a problem with the whole "what if it was your daughter" question.

Assuming that the relationship is Consentual, both parties are in it for what they are in it for, etc etc, honestly, how I feel about it is irrelevant. If she is a consenting adult of legal age, of sound mind, then I might be uncomfortable with it, but I don't own her. She is not my property, she is her own person.

And there's a difference between it being one of your buddies and being someone she met else wise. There are social ramifications there that make for more issues and interactions than just their own. That's reaching outside their bubble a bit.

So let's keep it simple. My daughter, in her 20s, dating an older man. I have a 16 year old, so I'm not far off.

Would be be happy go lucky perky about it? Probably not. Would I have any right to protest or try to stop such a relationship? Nope.

I didn't ask if you would protest, or try to stop it. I asked if you would be ok with it. And your answer was no.

Jesusismyanchor

So I know this topic goes the other direction as well but I am just curious for my own life and purposes. My WS did cheat with younger. Now that we are separated I routinely get hit on by men quite a bit older. (Younger happens too but not as curious about that and not as much). So why? Why is that such a prevalent thing?

I personally find it creepy when men like women the age of their own kids. It make me question the integrity and character of that man. They act like it is normal? But seriously I can say that I do not look at men 20 years younger that way...at all/

So it is an ego boost? Is it gross or not? Do they not just realize how old they actually are? I guess I am somewhat wondering if all men are realistically like that is given the chance kind of thing.

Be honest men. Is this really just the way it goes?

So I'm the betrayed spouse in my scenario. I'm 41 and after 21 years of being with my wife she has fucked me over and lied to me. I want to put this up front because after I get through the divorce I will be very tempted to try to date a younger woman.

Just because my future ex wife would absolutely despise it. Of course, i'm still divorcing and so I'm still prone to getting angry about the whole thing - who knows if I'll actually do anything like that.

Personally though I'm interested in women around my own age. Maybe a little older, maybe a little younger. Not radically so.

I didn't say I wouldn't be okay with it either. I said I might not be super thrilled, but I'm on my phone right now, and typing is difficult. My main objection for an older partner is the complications she would deal with having an older partner. If they jive, they jive. They're consenting adults.

Ok. You said you would probably not be super happy perky about it.

Why not?

No one is saying they're not 2 consenting adults. No one is saying you could tell her what to do.

I'm simply asking, if you think it's ok for a 50 year old man,to have a fun fling with a 20 year old girl, but wouldn't be ok with it, if it was your daughter..why not?

Do you want the truth, or do you want the "right answer". If it's the first, then there's value in threads like this. If it's the 2nd, well, we all KNOW the "right answer" so why bother asking?

LOL - Well I am about to go down in a huge gulf of flames. I had resisted answering this question because it isn't a nice thing I have to say, but I think it's true.

First, let me say there is a difference between cheating with one, and the situation that most people are commenting on which is more of a having a "legitimate relationship". Because with the cheating, that's usually about boosting egos, no different than any other fantasy land situation that AP's can cook up. They are usually the ones who have no intention of leaving their wife, and want to "visit' that world.

But, speaking out of the ones I have known personally who had a legitimate relationship with a younger woman:

These men (who often have been previously married), aren't looking for someone to do all that same stuff with again. They want the upper hand, not a partnership. They want someone malleable, someone to have 'fun' with. As women age we come into ourselves - boundaries, preferences, we have come into our power and we aren't taking shit. They want someone who hasn't developed a sense of self who are going along for the ride. Someone who is beholden and dependent.

This is not a statement as to why we older women are not fun - in fact - I think we can be a helluva lot more fun and interesting in many ways. But, more that sometimes they are men who often don't know what to do with someone who has those things.

Look, my husband is 10 years older than me. I was that young plaything back when he was freshly divorced in a situation where he felt his wife was demanding. I did grow into our partnership, and so has he. But, at the time, he was looking for simple, easy, all fun all the time...that's just not what lifelong marriage is.

And, I know a couple right now, she is 10 years older than him. It's the same thing. She likes holding the cards, she likes that he is malleable and easy to get to do what she wants. It makes the relationship more about her.

Sisoon; I wasn’t venting. I was really curious to know if that is typical of most men or if that is a creepy man. Should I lose respect for him? What my friend said grossed me out and then I wondered If he was a bad guy or just an honest He doesn’t say he would date her or any thing but thought she was hot. She was like 20 years younger then him. I get hit on by much younger men but way more older men and quite a bit older at times. That has actually been for my whole life. So it was a real question. As in I have a certain expectation but reality is just different.

Funny thing Sisoon is that when I commented back what age range i could consider with his math, he was very offended at that notion. Why would I consider a man so young (much you get than him)? He started defending his value at his age. Are you serious? The double standard was crazy to me.

I've known my wife for 16 years now. I think she's more beautiful now than ever before. She doesn't agree. But she believes I think so.

Wait, are we just talking about thinking someone is attractive?

I do think men notice attractive women in general - I am not sure that's about age. But, yes, my own husband will look at a younger women who he would never think was an appropriate person to date and think she is attractive. Right or wrong, I think that's most men. And, a heckuva lot of women I know as well.

Would the men who think it's fine,understandable, etc, for a 50 year old man to have a "fun fling" with a 20 year old girl,be just fine if that girl was your daughter?

I think you will have a hard time finding men here willing to admit they think its fine for a 50 year old to have a fling to a 20 year old. I would not be ok with it. I'm also just 36, and my daughter is young.

Remember what the original questions were.

Now that we are separated I routinely get hit on by men quite a bit older. So why? Why is that such a prevalent thing?

So it is an ego boost? Is it gross or not? Do they not just realize how old they actually are?

Be honest men. Is this really just the way it goes?

I don't remember anyone saying it was a good thing to do. We just gave honest answers that yes it happens. Yes its an ego boost. Yes we enjoy it. Yes its sometimes gross. Yes we are shallow. Yes, we are insecure. I said "WE" meaning men in general. Not me specifically or as a whole.

Some guys are just terrible creatures. "If there is grass on the field, play ball." I remember hearing that as a high schooler. I thought it was gross then and I still do.

Jesusismyanchor, I am sorry your husband cheated. I am also sorry we are creeps.

Aww GoldenR - your wife is lucky to have you

I also think younger women gravitate to some older men. I’m 63. I have dated down to early 40’s. I had no illusions that even though I’m in great shape, the appeal was I could take them to dinners and places that someone their age might not afford to take them. They knew when the check came that I wasn’t going to ask for their credit card to split. I liked the fact that they were beautiful and mostly wanted sex and in every case were the aggressors.

I never had any illusions that they were nothing more than fun. It was a bargain where we both benefited. They know this too

I’m done with this now. I got it out of my system. I was a cliche, which was ok for awhile, but not what I ultimately want

For me the sweet spot would be about 10 years younger. Like I said I’m in good shape at 63. However don’t want a 63 year old wife in good shape taking care of me at 83. I had one wife cheat. I feel you are just setting yourself up for this to happen again under this scenario.

I will say that if my ex hadn’t cheated (with someone close to 20 years younger) I still would be married to her. I wasn’t looking

In a way it’s perverse justice. 10 years ago I was 15 pounds overweight with a dad bod, and she was in incredible shape. She was having sex with someone younger and a hardbody.

Now partly due to menopause, divorce, family breaking up , and too much wine, she is now the one who is out of shape, (which I don’t think is good and have encouraged her to get back into the gym and yoga) and I’m the one who is with the younger fitter partners.

[This message edited by waitedwaytoolong at 3:07 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Why did my H have a midlife crisis affair with someone 20 years younger? Extra added ego boost. If she was his age I’m not sure it would have progressed as quickly.

She was not in better shape. She was not as pretty or attractive. But she was young and single and carefree. And very available. No house. No kids. No job on top of house and kids etc. she was able to give him her undivided attention.