SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What's real? Who is real?

You.

You are all things competent, strong, and good, and you will always have your back. It's enough. If things are great with other people, well that's icing on the cake. But you are the cake. You will always be there for you, and it is enough.

OMG. This makes me sick! Thank you MBB for letting us know.

I don't post that often any more but this was so disturbing and disheartening to read.

Ever since Dday I have become so much more suspicious of people, but I guess I am still too naive.

As if this road wasn't already difficult enough....

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:58 AM, February 8th (Saturday)]

((((OwningItNow))))

I'm learning that.

The glass of wine awaits and there will be much to look back on, shake our heads about, and wonder how the hell we made it through. 🍷

My beef with LCL was that he seemed to be a 'ready, fire' guy, and I think it's essential to aim before firing. He showed signs of being the type of 'decision' maker who would blindly lead his guys into an ambush.

Quick decisions are possible. It's eminently possible to decide to D on d-day after quickly evaluating the relevant factors and seeing D as the best solution. But that's very different from reacting.

My take is that LCL - and Buzzy for that matter - preach reacting almost purely on emotion, not deciding on the basis of thoughts and feelings.

My guess is that LCL is a BS who hasn't healed.

JMO.

My guess is that LCL is a BS who hasn't healed

I was thinking this too. Maybe a guy who did a lot of the pick me dance and painfully failed. The lcl story would then represent the ultimate fantasy of "what I should have done".

But then how does his original account as Hiram figure in?

I didnt read all of the replies but I am very disappointed to learn of LtCdrLost being a troll. I really admired him. I will say that even heartfelt informative replies to a troll may seem like a waste of time and emotional energy, they still will be useful to others who come along and read what you wrote later.

Shouldnt be any surprise to us BS that there are lost and broken people in the world who take advantage of others for no effing reason..

Shouldnt be any surprise to us BS that there are lost and broken people in the world who take advantage of others for no effing reason..

No that doesn't surprise me, there are a lot of shitty people out there. But it doesn't make their appearance here any less jarring.

I'm a BS that hasn't healed. Healing yes, not healed. But never in my wildest imagination or moments of great pain would it ever occur to me to create a fake persona, or rather personas and pose as both a WS and a BS. For what purpose?

LCL's initial post ran for 50 pages. That's a lot of story telling. I looked back at the last several entries and his tone had changed. SisterMilkShake was taking some heat towards the end, simply for giving her opinion. LCL's attitude had taken quite a turn from the begginning of the thread.

I will admit that the JFO section will be held with some skepticism in my eyes til this blows over. I will be honest in saying that any new thread will not be bought as truth for me right now and that's not my nature because I know how painful it is to begin posting there and the shock a true newly BS is in. That's the wrong that's been done here because people truly suffering and grasping for a lifesaver to weather the storm shouldn't be dismissed or questioned right out of the gate. It is for them that I feel the most as the dust settles from all of this.

If there are a long wall of text or what seems like an outrageous story or statement or claim, I ignore.

I don’t think wall of text is necessarily a marker of a troll. Often it seems like trolls also poke and prod with short posts. I’m a writer on the side and one of my best ways of processing feelings and thoughts is to write and write and write. For years I did “morning pages” and have recently taken that back up again. I read constantly and I’m one of those diarrhea-of-the-keyboard types who can write a 1,000 word composition in 5-10 minutes without much editing. In fact I wrote a magazine piece one morning a few years ago by hand in ten minutes and never edited it before submitting it. It was published exactly as I’d written it. I think I have borderline “hypergraphia” — anyway I’m not making up one whit of my experience. I do tend to think while I write which can get me “ahead of my supply lines” and occasionally write something I regret later. I’m working on that.

P.S. I’m also one of those annoying dudes whose head is stuffed with vocabulary and various flotsam and jetsam about research and studies. Another annoying thing is I’m rarely wrong about recalling information. I’m not being arrogant in saying that. It just is.

[This message edited by Thumos at 12:30 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]

I stay away from the threads that take a "red pill" tone, you can usually spot them.

I’m kind of a “purple pill” guy TBH. Some of my posts have some of those ideas in them, because I think some of it (nota bene: not all of it or even most of it) has merit. I stumbled across “red pill” stuff after my WW’s affair. Really I wish I’d read some of it before -- it would have stiffened my spine and I would have reacted more like what people generally recommend here, which is to stand up for yourself, give your spouse a good dose of shock and awe, 180 them or separate, and Let them figure out if they want to fight for you instead of the other way around. That said, most “red pill” forums quickly devolve into misogyny and the grain of truth gets lost in a lot of emoting, grunting and noise simplistically reducing both men and women to binary evolutionary robots.

Also: I PM’d LCL after reading his thread because I admired his decisiveness. So how do you think I feel knowing he/she/it is just a poseur? I’m not gonna let that stop me from posting. I could give fuck all who knows about my WW’s affair and her actions. It troubles me not In the least that details are here for folks to read.

[This message edited by Thumos at 12:43 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]

While I understand the disturbed feeling I'm sadly not surprised.

I have to say I found some of the posts from the "trolls" felt deliberately targeted to be inflammatory...a couple of years ago it wouldve ignited me but I've definitely started spending less time here and leaving alot more than I take or respond to. Guess that's just a different place I am on my journey...but it did prick my ears a little and made me consider how damaging some of the inflammatory posts wouldve made me feel as a newly BS.

As some might know I found out the AP was reading my posts here and I've chosen since to step back which was the right decision for me. I may at some.point in the future upgrade and go incognito with a new sign in...but it almost means I lose my journey and identity here...which i am loathed to give her. But I'd like it to serve as a word of warning that there are manipulative/bored/sick people out there and if you are ever unlucky to have your innermost vulnerable thoughts identified and used against you it really is invasive and another assault on you as a recovering person. I'd always keep identifying details minimal. And be aware that not all are here for genuine reasons.

I have to say MODs were fantastic and spoke me through my options and tried to find AP but no luck obv she could be reading without logging in. But sadly the internet is a public forum. And we should be mindful of that. I had my suspicions she was here and always ignored them and rebuffed them as paranoia. She even accused me of "triggering her" and used social media to target specific fears and worries of mine she got from here. She played a good game and I let her. A hard lesson learned. But hopefully a warning call to others.

After realising the depths some would go to I spent a little while looking at other forums and the perception was disturbing. It's not surprising some one with that mindset would attempt to infiltrate here in some sort of way of justification, or getting one up on others, perhaps just trying to twist the narrative to redeem themselves? Who knows.

What I do know is I put myself out there too vulnerably and while I managed to heal I dont think I will ever have the same naivety or optimistic view of online forums etc like I did in the past. Theres part of me become more suspicious and guarded. The affair and fall out affected and changed me in so many ways...and this is just another! But indont regret my healing journey. I was true to myself and my integrity. It's someone elses problem if they want to abuse that. Although I suffered as a result during that.

MBB dont let trolls stop you posting. Protect yourself. Guard yourself. But dont let people like that stop you healing or helping others heal your insight and posts can literally be life saving in some cases.

[This message edited by Tentwinkletoes at 3:51 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]

I shake my head at someone who will waste hours creating such an elaborate lie.

But I’ll never feel the time I spent giving advice was wasted as it’s never just for the OP, but for anyone else who may be suffering from infidelity and reading along. I hope you all can feel the same.

I tend not to comment much on threads where the BS is confident and aggressively taking the right steps to get themselves out of infidelity anyway. They’re not the ones who really need our help in my opinion.

Oh well, it was a good read in the end, even as a work of fiction.

Holy crap!

I have been too busy to stop by and when I get a chance, I see this?

Trolls?

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 5:35 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]

I don’t think wall of text is necessarily a marker of a troll.

No, it isn't necessarily. I tend to write relatively long posts. Someone else told me they suspect those long train of thought type original posts. So, now, I'm suspicious of those. But, definitely, the short, inflammatory posts are suspicious. There have been a few recently that I have ignored.

MBB, I get what you mean about JFO. I'm suspicious of it all now. I don't want to pur my heart out to someone I think is hurting just to find out they are full of shit, basically making a fool of me.

Twinkletoes, my H's AP found me on here and read my posts when I first joined. Idk if she still checks. It's been years. I really don't care. If her life is so sad that she still reads about me on here, I pity her.

MBB, I get what you mean about JFO. I'm suspicious of it all now. I don't want to put my heart out to someone I think is hurting just to find out they are full of shit, basically making a fool of me.

How does some basement-dwelling fuckwit writing fiction on a help board make a fool of you?

Their intent is to create drama for their own entertainment. The fact that you take time out to help does not make you a fool, it makes you empathetic.

Like Stevesn so aptly stated, there are FAR more people who get information and help from the replies. If the story is credible enough to not be an obvious ruse then the odds are pretty good that others have actually experienced it, and the help given helps everyone, including the seasoned veterans who add it to the archive of info in their heads that helps to see trends and expected outcomes so they can give advice.

The suspicious things that make me think troll

are an often LONG original post with short cryptic replies and a near-instantaneous response to every post.

This creates a high-speed thread that builds to double-digit pages in a day or two.

A complete lack of taking the advice given and an overly weak complete lack of action and clueless behavior to insense the reader.

There is one thread in General right now that I'd place high odds on being a troll but I haven't figured out where or if there is a report button.

I have been on other forums where the mods would intentionally leave an obvious troll or contentious post up just to get the hit traffic.

Instead of being mad or feeling like I was taken for a ride, I feel a little disappointed that LCL didn't really take care of business in a textbook fashion. There were plenty of insinuations that he was a troll from the get-go, but I wanted to believe.

RC - contact a mod if you have suspicions. You can make a mod call asking for one of us to pm you and we will. You can also send a staff pm (I think that is the “contact us” link in the yellow box above Dr.Phil).

Please guys - I do understand how this can affect you - as a BS, we develop trust issues easily. But please don’t let that affect your willingness to reach out to our newbies.

One thing I do, when responding to a thread, is evaluate how much my advice is welcome. I dip my toe in and see if the OP has any interest in what I can bring to the topic.

I didn’t post much on LtCdr’s thread a) because I couldn’t figure out what the hell he was saying half the time because I don’t watch NCIS and b) he wasn’t interested in anything I could offer. He was looking for affirmation and accolades and he was already getting plenty of that so my contributions weren’t necessary.

We all make decisions on which threads to become invested in. We can’t do them all - it’s just not feasible. So if you feel you can offer something - please do. We all know that some parts of our infidelity story can be fantastical. If a member is seeking advice - offer it. If they don’t want your advice, offer it to the next newbie drowning in pain and confusion. I’ll interact with a dozen trolls if it means one person gets help and support.

And considering the vast number of newbies we see here - the number of trolls are comparatively quite low.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:14 PM, February 9th (Sunday)]

@sassylee

PM sent.

Hi MBB!

Sometimes when a boiled egg goes bad it smells like a fart.

I've been here a while. Seen trolls, seen psychic hotline adds, been called a troll, been insulted, have unintentionally hurt other posters feelings with my opinion, threw rocks at beehives, laughed, cried, screamed, and got know quite a some people here closely enough to consider them friends. I've even mourned a few members passing.

What you're feeling about these trills is normal. But, and here's the rub, there is no such thing as wasted compassion. Even if the advice you give feels like trying to give catfood to a robot cat, there are other readers on this site that you help just by posting your advise.

I was once messaged by a someone that read for years and joined later saying that watching my responses was what they needed to get through their hard times, but they weren't comfortable with posting. I heard somewhere, and I don't know if its true, that for every response to a threat, there are 10 times as many people who read it that aren't members.

Point I'm trying to make is that even if it looks like, smells like, and seems like a troll, don't let that stop you from doing you. You never know when your responses are going to help more people than the original poster.

The kind of person that spends hours doing what cdrlost did is the type of person that needs compassion just as much as we do--even if its for a different reason. This site is built on us helping each other.

Ultimately, if they really pissed ya off, you could always write their user name on some toilet paper and wipe.

NTV, you forgot to mention that you've also dropped fart bombs in just about every forum!

I think the feelings of hurt and disappointment are because there were things I personally related to and my buttons got pushed. Which, admittedly, is very easy for others to do these days as I am dealing with some health issues that I am bitter about right now.

And I really, really find stolen valor extremely offensive. Like, I see red & want to pinch those people really hard. I come from a long line of family who served and I am very passionate about our folks who serve.

So, yeah, I'm mad. It's not the end of thr world and honestly, like I said, I'm mad about pretty much everything these days, especially now I'm done with the prednisone and the pain is raging back. Stupid body.

Overall, this is a good place and I know the trolls are few and far between, thankfully.

The suspicious things that make me think troll

are an often LONG original post

Respectfully I disagree with this. My original post, which some actually still remember, was quite lengthy. There was much to say as I had been digging for clues and evidence for 3 months. There was also my husband's behavior to include which was throwing me for a loop. It was lengthy BECAUSE it was emotional and filled with fear and confusion and hurt. You would have considered me a troll I suppose, but I figured, as I always do that the more information I give the better the advice will be.

What has been a red flag to me are those who give little to no information. Merely pose questions, not particularly to do with their situation, more like a survey. It feels like we're lab rats for data mining.

I now am alert to a certain writing style if you will. This is something that has been pointed out to me and now my radar is up.

NTV

Hello my friend!!! So happy to hear from you. Hope you're doing well.

I can honestly see how some might give you a side eye, but they may not appreciate a good fart or bedazzling joke. Sucks for them. I do remember thinking to myself who is this character when I think back to one of your first replies to me which was asking about food LOL. It totally threw me off, but in a good way because it broke the tension I was feeling and ever since that's what you have done aside from supporting me. You are indeed a treasure, flatulence and all.

I have looked at Buzzy's thread and Discords and it still is astonishing to me to be honest. I find myself shaking my head in disbelief.

We all have to be careful though. There was a member whom I befriended and her WH had done some outrageous things. A new member basically called her a troll and that pretty much was the last lengthy post from her. I immediately came to her defense because she extended the hand of friendship and understanding immediately to which I am forever grateful. She is an amazing person and we still are in touch to this day.

Adlham

NTV is an equal opportunity fart joke giver LOL! He is full of it, but in a good way.

[This message edited by MalibuBayBreeze at 5:14 PM, February 9th (Sunday)]