SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why not ask for spousal support?

It's good that she's not willing to R with you Anna. She's not marriage material; there must have been signs of this throughout your time with her. Many of us ignore them until after something drastic happens.

Thankfully you're still in school and not making any money yet. The blessing in this is that there's nothing for you to lose. Even considering your WW, you have really lost nothing. The value she had is in your mind only. I think that you'll realize this fact in the months to come.

The other man is not the issue either. Your WW initiated sex with him. He likely wouldn't have done anything with her if she hadn't pushed him for sex. With that in mind, he's not the culprit, she is. My ex did the same thing; she initiated sex with the other man.

You have a long and good life ahead of you. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself and you'll be out of school and onto a new career soon. In time you'll realize the blessing of your STBX revealing her true self before you got your career started and before having kids. Please realize that you're dodging a bullet. Don't step back in its path. Move on and away from the cheater quickly. Don't allow her to change her mind and ruin your future.

Take care of yourself.

Hate to tell you, Se already made her choice. By moving into an apparent. Even if the PA blows up. Do you really want her back. Knowing you are not first in her life.

Just take a good look around , she is gone,

[This message edited by Xzy89c at 10:34 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

Question to you:. Why would you stay with her? She is not who you thought she was, and by being unsure of the AP she has chosen him. You are young. Go no contact and begin divorce process. Gain back control in your life

Update: sorry if I didn't make this clear, I no longer want her back. It's over, I'm moving on. It's hard, we still have to talk to de-couple ourselves financially from each other.

Thanks for all the tough love

Keep engagement to minimum. If possible do this through email/text.

Once the D is done block her and her family.

If not you'll just linger in this longer than you need to.

Well done. It is not easy but you are making a wise choice.

I'm sorry it's come to that.. but happy for you that you're getting yourself out of infidelity. Like I mentioned earlier in the thread though, always bear in mind that this was a "first love" situation. You'll need to be wary, because whether it's next month, next year, or twenty years from now... she'll be back. Women who are emotionally immature tend to idealize that first love.

Strength and healing as you process.

Other than her professional world (I need her to keep her job when D happens), her world getting blown up after I get off work.

Don't give up on the idea just yet, but DO wait until the ink is dry on your divorce papers. THEN go rent a billboard and have at it!!!

Glad you’re getting out. Your soon to be ex wife has taken a very bad path and has set course for a bad life. Whatever relationship she is having with a quasi-MMA tatted up 45 year old won’t be stable or long lasting. She will find herself soon entangled In a dark forest of unhappiness.

Do not succumb to any temptation to bail her out when she tries to come calling for help. You owe her nothing.

You on the other hand are a loyal man about to have a graduate degree, with some world travel and life experience under your belt. You will find many quality partners out in the word who value you.

Good luck to you, but you won’t need it.

[This message edited by Thumos at 4:54 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

I am a bit upset at the moment. I asked if I could contact her parents (my in-laws) to say that I have always appreciated them (I've been around since high school). She said not yet, and told me that she couldnt muster the courage to tell them the entire story. She told them it was an emotional affair and probably sold me down the river as a bad husband. I think they know that is not the case, but blood is thicker than water as they say.

I'm sorry you're here my friend, but please stop asking her permission to do the things you need to do in order to heal. She punted the right to have a say in any of this. Stay strong!

Update: she came by the house last night to get more of her stuff as I was at my second job. She wrote me a note. It was about a page long but the jist of it was that she was sorry, sorry for what she did, sorry for everything. She didn't try to blame shift, or say she was unhappy. She just said that she knows that she broke our marriage and that was unforgivable.

I cried reading it. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that. It helped me get some closure. She's no longer with the AP, but they're not on NC either. It doesn't matter, still going for divorce, but at least my ego can rest.

Thanks for the update. Reality is starting to settle in for her. Stay strong and continue to protect yourself.

She's no longer with the AP, but they're not on NC either.

As predicted. She was just a fun side piece for him. Now she's a permanent side piece.

Now be careful, because I predict that note was just the beginning of a "campaign" to get you, her plan B security blanket, back in her claws. It wouldn't be surprising at all for her to develop some "crisis" she needs your help with.

Move forward, ghost her, next her. Never look back. Do not succumb to any temptation to get tangled up with her again or to bail her out.

Words are great to hear but without actions just meaningless.

Sounds like she hasn’t changed her ways.

Which means you are correct. Move on with your life.

You’re young and will get through this.

She's no longer with the AP, but they're not on NC either.

If they’re not NC you can pretty much bank they’re still together. She’s not going to tell you that.

[This message edited by Marz at 6:30 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

Did she tell you in the letter that she was NC with the AP?

"Did she tell you in the letter that she was NC with the AP?"

No she didn't. She's still involved at her hobby, so that's why they still see each other. Again, doesn't matter in the end. For some reason it makes me feel better knowing she's not "with" him.

Hi Amanapart,

She cheated on me, and yet I am the alone one, willing to work it out.

This is exactly what I have gone through.

Someone on this board said something like "I've seen a pattern and those that are able to reconcile are the ones where the offending party shows immediate and deep remorse and works in all ways to get you back". Sadly this is 100% true, you can't take her back or forgive her if she doesn't ask for forgiveness (not just once) or want to come back.

When this happened to me I was devastated... because I thought we were perfect.

Be strong and be true to yourself.

Just a word of warning.

Now that her and her AP are no longer together when she gets lonely, and she will, she will come back to what she knows is safe, and comfortable. Guess what.... that is you.

For your own sanity, clarity, and strength, do NOT have sex with her, open up dialogue with her, or allow her to manipulate you into allowing her another chance. If you are truly done, then be done, and if you aren't 100% remember what she did to you when things were ok.

She has done zero work to fix her brokenness. She will not be a safe partner, or a healthy fuck buddy.