SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I mostly come here to get support for myself, vent my frustrations, and to seek advice when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I hardly mention my WH, unless I’m bitching about his A. I know that’s normal and valid, but I thought I’d share something that has added a pinch to the trust and safety bucket.

He was asked to go on his dream guided hunting trip by a coworker. It’s valued at thousands of dollars and would be completely free. We’re talking the processing, taxidermy, and everything. He of course asked for my blessing before agreeing to go. I wholeheartedly gave it to him. It was for this weekend.

If you’ve read my latest post, I have had a few unexpectedly hard days, and just been overwhelmed and down. He recognized this, and told me he wouldn’t go on this trip if I didn’t want him to. I told him he absolutely should, an opportunity like this doesn’t come along very often. I meant it, and made sure he knew that. I was still in my funk though. Last night he told me he let his coworker know he wasn’t going to be able to go (it was a trip the guy won. He’s not out any money or anything) and that he wanted to be with me during this rough time. I know he’s GOT to be bummed, but he isn’t in any way showing his disappointment. Absolutely not guilt tripping me even a little.

It may not be some huge deal, but it showed me he was putting me and my feelings above himself. Like I said, it’s just a few drops in the bucket, but at least it’s being added to instead of taken from.

Thank you for sharing this. He is taking steps and it is encouraging. You are the prize and your pain is a priority. Baby steps toward demonstrating empathy for your pain. Hope it continues.

What an AWESOME post...thanks so much for sharing !

It is encouraging when WS’s are able to step outside themselves and express some empathy, however small. Good for you.

That’s great!!! It’s nice when you start to see the remorse and empathy through actions and not just words. I try to step back from this crazy roller coaster ride and look at the big picture and evaluate whether we are progressing, regressing, or stagnant. Most of the time we continue progressing, while emotionally I might be regressing.

Those unexpected hard days will come, keep checking your trust and safety bucket.

Best wishes.

Thank you for this post. I sometimes focus on the words, the sentences my husband says to me to comfort me during triggers, or intrusive thoughts or just a general meh day. In themselves they are not very comforting.

For example: for an emotional trigger, he has said : "I'm sorry you feel this way." Ouch. He then adds " I don't know how else to help you but I am doing my best." etc.

Effort. I believe he is putting in effort. For him even saying I am sorry is a huge step. Context: In our 40 year marriage he mumbled I am sorry a handful of times.

He also cancelled a ski trip with his friend when I told him I was uncomfortable/triggering with him going overseas. For me, for us.

Actions and effort. Our bucket is filling up. I am comforted to know that others are seeing this from their partners.

He’s honestly been doing stuff like this for me for almost 3 years now, and has really amped it up since d-day. Since d-day, it’s obviously been hard to see anything he does or says in a positive light. Yesterday, I was able to recognize and appreciate his thoughtfulness.

Tomorrow I may revert back to wanting to punch him him in the throat. We shall see. Lol

Another positive though. I was able to score some free VIP tickets to one of his favorite comedian’s show last night. It was a very impromptu thing, but we had a lot of fun together. I could let my guard down for a little bit and enjoy his company. This morning I slept in while he cleaned the entire house.

It’s been a wild week on the emotional rollercoaster. All part of the journey, I suppose.

That's impressive and encouraging!

It’s been a wild week on the emotional rollercoaster. All part of the journey, I suppose.

Yes. Buckle in this roller coaster is scary!

Great update!!

It’s nice that you scored those tickets. Although we don’t necessarily “owe them” anything in return for their R efforts, however much of a sacrifice they make, it’s nice that you could “make up for it” in a way that you could both enjoy. That seems symbolic in a good way.

Roller coaster indeed. Sometimes the ups and downs make it hard to see that we have survived a pretty long while on this ride and are hanging in there. I do agree it’s important to acknowledge efforts when we can, especially the “big ones” like this.