SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

@BigBlueEyes Yes Dover in Kent.

I know the house is his and that I except as we met aged 45 and she already owned her home outright. She then sold it and bought this one to be near her son.

She is considerably more wealthy than I am as I truly have nothing as I was living with my mother is a council flat and my mum died late last year.

Yes I realise her mood is to do with me and I she called me a sneaky little sh*t over the phone!

I told her I saw her with him

@BigBlueEyes Not sure about the timimg re deeds but before I married her she said her wealth was going to her son

I confronted her just now and said are you seeing Martin and she said you know I am! I said yes but are you lovers and she said kind of! I then said should I be worried and she said about what and I said losing you? She said things are not good are they! I said no there are not! She said she is not in a good place mentally and she is not ready to discuss it!

Brother sorry to be blunt but your old M is dead, based on what you posted it seems she's gone, she's been pretty much dating OM right in front of you and she's now confirmed it, she's not even regretful let alone remorseful, so IMHO at this point your ONLY chance to kill the A is by we call here "Shock and Awe", you need to stop reacting to her moves and take control of your situation, first EXPOSE them with ALL family and close friends WITHOUT warning then file for D (takes a long time and can be stopped if she comes around), if full exposure and D papers don't shock her back to reality nothing will, but either way you will be on your path out of infidelity.

And yes make sure you get tested for STDs, this may not be her first rodeo and like I mentioned before, some STDs can even be transmitted via saliva (kissing, utensils, etc.).

@Buster123

I fear you maybe be right but we have hardly any family! Both sets of parents are dead. I have one distant cousin so there is nobody to shock! Her son has never thought I was good enough for her!

Funny but I now do feel different since hearing her on the phone as she is trying to make me out to be the bad guy!

@Buster123

I fear you maybe be right but we have hardly any family! Both sets of parents are dead. I have one distant cousin so there is nobody to shock! Her son has never thought I was good enough for her!

Funny but I now do feel different since hearing her on the phone as she is trying to make me out to be the bad guy!

EXPOSE them anyway, don't forget about MUTUAL friends and OBS, also POSOM's inlaws/relatives if you know them but again, don't dismiss the effect of mutual friends, there's a reason As are kept secret, EXPOSE TODAY ! and contact a D attorney immediately !!! chances are POSOM will drop your WW to save his own M and/or reputation with his family/children.

I don't want a divorce and in a way if it stays as it is I would be OK as what harm is it doing?

Hi RBD, so sorry you find yourself here.

So what harm IS it doing? Surely only you can answer that question. If you're content to live in a one way open marriage which has only become open after you've discovered your WW's infidelity then that's fine as what harm is it doing!!

I apologise as this will come across as a very gauche question in the circumstances but are you more concerned about losing your wife or losing your security?

Given you are in what would legally be considered a long term marriage you would have considerable financial rights if you were to divorce. As others have recommended it would be wise to speak to at least a couple of solicitors, if only to find out where you might stand financially in the event of a divorce.

On a different point may I ask if you've ever received any counselling in your life for anything?

Best wishes.

@Buster123 I had not thought of how damaging it could be to OM! Ex local teacher and his wife was a church warden!

@sillyoldsod

Thank you.

I truly feel numb about it all! This may sound weird but the sex doesn't hurt me as I cannot fullfill that part!

The husrt now is her attitude this afternoon! I am made to feel guilty! I am a peeping tom and a pervert! She often calls me that and does that turn me on as nothing else does! In all the time I have known her she has never been nasty but she is so different!

No I have never had any counselling but she has often said I need it!

Ramblerbyday, please speak to several solicitors to see what you are entitled to in case of divorce.

Secondly, does her boyfriend have children? I would contact them and tell them that their father is cheating on their dementia struck mother.

Then watch the fireworks.

@cannotforgive

No children.

I will try to thank you.

We are in lockdown here! She has just gone out dressed up!

I am now feeling angry

I'm sorry rambler but it seems fairly certain that your WW is waiting for the OM to be free and they will then be together. You are going to be on your own at some point here. I think it would be better to get ahead of this and get a plan together for this eventuality rather than waiting for her to make the call and try to dictate to you. Talk to an attorney as soon as you can about your rights and start working on protecting yourself.

I have told my friends and male family members this for years. Men without money have no power in this world. Never let anyone have power over you! Women and Men are simply not in the same place when it come to raising a family! If she works and earns all the money, If you divorce she will most likely get the kids, The home and the car and you will get noting! It's not the same in most cases if you are the bread winner. God bless the child who has his own in not just a nice saying in todays society....

@dblackstar2002 We are retired and no children.

I agree though

We are in lockdown here! She has just gone out dressed up!

Can't be much of a lockdown if she just went out all gussied up.

Start getting a plan together. Living in a fake "open marriage" ain't it.

If you are retired are you on a pension? Make sure your lawyer gets you to keep that.

You need to start looking around for other housing. Even moving to a roach-infested studio flat is better than an hour in a house where your WW is openly cuckolding you. Do not put up with this abuse.

You know in a couple years you could relocate to the US. We Americans will all be socialized minions soon and as a Brit you will feel right at home.

but the sex doesn't hurt me as I cannot fullfill that part!

What does this mean? Are you incapable of having sex?

Well, we agree on something-- we're all fairly certain your wife is having an affair, as well.

You ask if it would hurt just to continue and ignore the constant insults and lack of affection and abuse just to stay with her.

I guess I'm not processing this. Why, exactly, are you asking for advice on a board about infidelity if this is remotely acceptable to you?

You ask, what is the harm just letting it go like it is right now. Are you asking this question for financial security reasons? Is that what I am to understand? Because the answer is fairly obvious. Adultery is abusive. She has routinely flounted her adultery in your face. Your self esteem is (based on what I am seeing here) in the basement, if you think this is what is acceptable.

Why do you even call this a marriage any more? Ask her what HER definition of a marriage is. Compare it to yours. Man, both of you people need some seriously therapy, and NOT together. There's no respect and certainly no love in evidence here.

If you want things to change, you'll have to be proactive. Or live as the permanent object of pity and scorn.

So why did she marry you?

Are you in the UK?

Can you report your wife for breaking the quarantine?

In order to encourage the OM, your wife probably lied and told the OM that her marriage was over.

IMO, you should consider informing the OM that your marriage was happy prior to his becoming involved with your wife. He may drop your wife like a stone rather than risk exposure to the church as an adulterer.

Your wife calls you sneaky. I'd prefer to be sneaky than a cheater.

As a cheater, both your wife and the OM are: immoral, selfish, proficient liars, and show cruel thoughtless lack concern for their spouses.