SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We Americans will all be socialized minions soon

This is the case for most of the modern rational free world Westway. And it's high time American joined the rest of the civilized word, in my opinion.

If zero tolerance for adultery drives her to the OM, then it's already too late (you lost her).

Experience shows that the most successful strategy to save your marriage is the same as if you decided to divorce:

Show zero tolerance for her adultery, and except no blame for her decision to cheat.

In her current frame of mind, any weakness, tears, or begging in front of her will encourage her to further bad behavior.

Do not respond to your wife's name calling. It only changes the topic from her bad behavior to yours.

Ignore her name calling and do not argue.

Just keep repeating your objection and zero tolerance to her affair.

Brother, advice offered but not received.

Please regardless of when you last had sex get tested for STDs and STIs as some can be transferred by saliva so you and she need to be tested.

Regardless who owns what please seek legal advice. You are just assuming she has the right to everything and you have access to nothing. I call bull shit on that. Find out!

Why can’t you go out when she does and tag along?

Oh she doesn’t want you to. Bad luck.

You need to know what the fuck is going on. If you need to find a new place. Is she moving in with him?

Research this POS. What is his history? Is he a serial cheating, wife stealing bastard?

How to do this? Ask at his church, the parish priest, go and ask the book club members. No, you don’t need to ask her permission or tell her. Just do it.

You need this as you have rolled over but want to ensure he is safe. You are. Intent to have a open marriage. But what about the AP’s wife that has no say about her dementia or life?

Or you can go get your testosterone checked and fight for your marriage. Respect yourself, IC for you, stop letting her and him shit on you. Fight back. Lawyer 🆙. Don’t accept her crap.

One day at a time.

[This message edited by Buffer at 8:05 PM, November 5th (Thursday)]

Rambler,

I’m so glad your now receiving the advice you need,

I know it’s a lot to take in, however trust me, what hints, tips, guidance you get here will be beneficial in the long run.

I too am uk, also have a small knowledge in division of assets here as my divorce was finalised in February.

Even though she may have signed the house over, it’s my understanding if you can prove you contributed to the home ie shopping, utility bill, anything at all in regards to living expenses you will be in a much better position.

Please please don’t stand for her crap!!

We are in full lockdown so of course she gets dressed up & goes out to rub your nose in it

Blow this up to anyone & everyone, being upstanding citizens they’re gonna be very concerned about image

I'll ask the question again - so why did she marry you? You sound like someone that is exactly what she does not like, respect or is attracted to.

You can not or will not have sex as much as she might want to. You do not have a job. You are reliant on her for money. You live in her house (well technically now, her son's house). Why on Earth would she stay with you?

I am not trying to be hurtful, but am really trying to understand the dynamic here.

I'll ask the question again - so why did she marry you? You sound like someone that is exactly what she does not like, respect or is attracted to.

You can not or will not have sex as much as she might want to. You do not have a job. You are reliant on her for money. You live in her house (well technically now, her son's house). Why on Earth would she stay with you?

I am not trying to be hurtful, but am really trying to understand the dynamic here.

Edited to Delete my comment

[This message edited by BigBlueEyes at 12:07 PM, November 6th (Friday)]

Talisman

♂ New Member

Member # 75398

Default Posted: 5:38 AM, November 6th (Friday), 2020 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll ask the question again - so why did she marry you? You sound like someone that is exactly what she does not like, respect or is attracted to.

You can not or will not have sex as much as she might want to. You do not have a job. You are reliant on her for money. You live in her house (well technically now, her son's house). Why on Earth would she stay with you?

I am not trying to be hurtful, but am really trying to understand the dynamic here.

id: 8606155

Posts: 17 | Registered: Sep 2020 | From: UK

I did say why I felt she married me in an earlier comment.

She had been in an abusive relationship and I became a shoulder for her and when her ex left I helped get her life back on track by decorating her house and we grew into a couple. I was living with mum and wanted to move out and I asked and my wife said yes. She was understanding about my sex drive and said it did not matter and we can cross that bridge etc

Reading your comment has made me open my eyes! This morning my wife and I had a calm chat and she said maybe we should separate. I said ok and she then said in a way we have been separate for some time anyway and she is right we have.

There is a time and purpose for everything, and maybe the purpose you had for your WW has run out. She used you to get over her prior man, and now that she has a new one she doesn't need you anymore. You are yesterday's news.

Move on friend, and find a woman who understands the meaning of commitment.

@Westway Interesting that she did say that his company helped her confidence and they are not planning to be a couple. My wife has helped care for his wife too.

I am nervous to mention sex as she has not and maybe it was more about his company anyway

Yeah...she's lying.

I am nervous to mention sex as she has not and maybe it was more about his company anyway

Huh? 😳 so just whistle past the graveyard instead?

Your thread title says that you are fairly certain that your wife is having an affair.

So of course she has had sex with him and given her whole demeanour and approach to speaking with you, of course she will deny and when really pushed/cornered will only give you trickle truth i.e. stuff you already know.

In any case, you made it very clear that you are not concerned if she is having sex with him - you just dont want her to leave you. You are OK with her having her fun and being happy as long as she doesn't leave you. That almost certainly will make you appear very undesirable and weak to her.

I did not think the issue of whether she is having an affair or not is under debate or in question. I was trying to understand why she would not leave you.

[This message edited by Talisman at 12:48 PM, November 6th (Friday)]

@Talisman I appreciate your comments and I think you are correct.

As strange as it seems I would be ok to carry on living with her as it is but she does not want that. We will discuss how it will work out.

One possible is I move into her flat she rents out and I could live there free but it does need work so that will cover the rent.

I know people might think I am soft but I cannot change.

I will seek a counsellor too

You are going to have to change and fast, or you’ll end up being utterly walked over and left with nothing. If the OM loses his wife then she will want to go and be with him and probably divorce you at that point anyway. Being with him willl mean cutting ties with you, including nice arrangements to live in her flat etc.

You must at least go and speak to a lawyer and see what your rights are in a divorce, because she might do it to you anyway. Don’t believe what she is saying now, cheaters lie and try to control the situation, she may be saying what she wants you to hear, not the truth.

Ramblerbyday:

sex drive dried up some years ago and from that we as a couple became less intimate. my wife has always been way more sexual than I am. Before we met she had 'lovers' and was not interested in a relationship.

Ramblerbyday, just have a quick question regarding you sexual drive, did you seek medical advice?

Have you tried other stuff?

You can be intimate without PIV intercourse.

You can use toys, hands, tongue ..etc

Have you tried any thing like that?

@Kaliber at the beginning I did satisfy her needs yes but not intercourse

We bought toys yes and my wife used them more often without me.

I think I do need to see someone yes. I will say I have always found women attractive but to look at and talk too but I have never been very sexual.

My wife is my first real relationship

Rambler, google on Warren Buffett. He lived in an open marriage for years. Happily for all parties.

You just need to have those hard, open conversations with your wife. Come to an understanding one way or another.

Not much I can add as far as what your cheating POS wife is doing, but let me ask you this :

Would you consider yourself overweight? Have you seen an ENT regarding your snoring? Your sex drive can be directly affected by your weight which can directly affect your breathing/snoring. I snore like a buzz saw to the point that WW used to wake me up to get me to stop. Add to that I had undiagnosed sleep apnea.

I went to a ENT to inquire about the snoring and repairing a deviated septum that I thought was causing the snoring. He put me on a cpap and I haven't snored since. Been working on weight loss (I'm not fat, but I carry extra weight under my chin which causes my head to position poorly when I sleep thus the snoring). Once I lose about 20 lbs, doctor will evaluate and I will likely never have to use cpap again. Undiagnosed apnea will leave you tired and lacking in sex drive. If yours was already low it will make it MUCH worse. Get your health right FOR YOURSELF. Snoring/apnea can lead to stroke and then you're tempting fate.

@HouseOfPlane My wife wants us to separate but due to covid it can't happen that soon. I may ask her about what you suggest!