SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(she claims he is not her boyfriend , and she is no longer in contact with him ).

Sadly it doesn’t matter who or what the OM is or was. She found someone to help her destroy your marriage.

The infidelity changes the betrayed. I’m not the kind loving person I once was. I treat my H well and we are happily reconciled. But only b/c I choose to be happy. I choose not to let his affair destroy me or us. And while he’s remorseful and fully made amends, I just wish it had never happened.

But then again had I had the collective wisdom of SI during his two affairs, I would have been better prepared for the second affair. Having no consequences from the first affair pretty much guaranteed there would be a second.

Fooled13years

Thanks for the support. It was cruel, she got caught red handed and still did it right in front of my face. And still today she acts like she is the victim. I’m angry and can’t stand talking to her lying, cheating ass…which justifies her actions because I’m such an angry person…try to follow that logic .

The phone thing infuriates me. When I see others post here and the WS is hiding the phone, changing password, etc. it makes me angry for them. In many cases that alone should do it, it’s over…you have someone who cannot be trusted, and does not trust you…how on earth can a marriage survive that?

Keep the end game in focus and know that what she does from here on out is not your concern.

Amen. I just need to finally get to physical separation. It will be such a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm hoping it will be by mid May, exactly one year from DDay would be fitting.

After DDay1, when I was heartbroken, losing weight, not sleeping, and struggling to hold it together for our kids, WH was texting AP to get her to meet him on business trips with photos of the hotels, messages about the luxuries they would enjoy (dining, spa, drinking - lots of drinking).

After Dday2, which was me finding out about False R (see above), when I was sitting in the hospital waiting room while he had surgery, a message from her popped up on his phone to wish him well and asking him to let her know he was okay. Nice, bitch, maybe you'd like to come take care of him post-op, be a nurse? In sickness and in health? No? Not in your skill set?

These are very special people, and not in a good way.

SilverStar

I was heartbroken, losing weight, not sleeping, and struggling to hold it together for our kids, WH was texting AP

Similar situation here, this is why I posted this. I was hurting badly, and my wife and her AP were mocking me.

I equate it to death by a thousand cuts. I was bleeding to death on the floor and my STBXWW not only stood there and watched, not only did she not call an ambulance…SHE KEPT CUTTING ME!

Someone here has a signature line that says something like “How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person holding the knife?” (If I could remember the users name I would give credit).

They are a special breed indeed. I wish you the best.

EDIT - found the source of the signature line - ramius

[This message edited by DanielJK at 6:26 AM, February 11th (Thursday)]

My favorites were he and the 18yo twatap sharing sexual fantasies about me joining their shenaningans. She was bisxual and apparently both of them thought if she dated me too then it was totally fine.

Oh and him sending her poetry and telling her that she had 'awakened his soul' and that he 'knew he would never be happy with just his wife' again.

Oh and him getting tit pics and sexting with a different ap while he was at the vet with me when I was putting my 16yo dog to sleep - yes... as I was holding my dog while he took his last breaths, my exdouche was literally getting boob pictures.

And to my face, my favorite was him telling me that he was going to be polyamorous now and that he 'needed to pursue meaningful relationships with other women' and that I 'had better just get on board with that'. (Bear in mind he was a jobless idiot so apparently I was not only to be on board with it, but also to bankroll his antics).

I am SO FUCKING GLAD that he is gone. So glad. Giddy about it still.

I equate it to death by a thousand cuts. I was bleeding to death on the floor and my STBXWW not only stood there and watched, not only did she not call an ambulance…SHE KEPT CUTTING ME!

This is exactly why I could never get over it no matter what he did. My STBX watched me suffer and fall apart. I attempted suicide because I kept catching them breaking NC. I got to read their laughter about me making him go to therapy or them fucking on my son's bed. How I was a prude and he didn't deserve it. How they were boyfriend and girlfriend and I was like mom always catching them but that wouldn't stop them. MOW told me one day that my STBX was afraid to leave me because he thought I would commit suicide. They continued on for another 2 years until my False R

My FWH talked so much shit about me. How awful of a person I am. That I do nothing, and he did everything. He brought her flowers which is something I always loved that he did for me. I told him if he ever brings me flowers again I will lose my shit. He still has never brought me flowers again. I guess he knew I meant business.

EllieKMAS

First… e w w w w w. (I had to space out the w's so it did not look like a url link)

The level of disrespect from waywards is breathtaking. I’ve said it a thousand times here…the wayward mind is fascinating. To be distracted by AP while you were losing a family member, geez.

I hope to have that same giddiness soon.

Crazyblindsided

That is just unbelievable. Similar here, I lost over 30 pounds over the summer and she laughed about it one day, and even had the nerve to say she “did me a favor” with the weight loss.

The lack of empathy is astounding.

And like a mother catching them…it is such a sick, twisted world view. They are poor victims in all of this, good lord man do they hear themselves talk?

I feel for you. I hope you find peace.

Walkingthewire

It’s the affair fog. He had to justify his actions, and make himself feel good by painting you as a monster.

And they just can’t see it and admit it.

Two years before My H started sleeping with the much younger neighbour, our child was diagnosed with a life threatening chronic disease. I was determined to learn everything I could about the disease, how to keep him healthy and alive(literally), researching all the technology available to make his life easier(and again, keep him alive). I became an outspoken advocate, raising awareness to help end the stigma/misconceptions surrounding this disease knowing how important that was/is for any funding in the future for these kids. I began to support and help other parents with newly diagnosed children as I knew from first hand experience what they were going through....just like other parents had done for me. And all of this, I will never be sorry for because that is my job as a parent.

Well it’s clear my husband didn’t feel it was his job as a parent to learn, research, advocate, whatever, for our son. And I never asked him too. We did seemingly work as a team when it came to daily care and he would always follow my lead. I was thankful to have him to help me even though I was doing a lot of it on my own.

And then after D Day I read a text from my H to the whore next door. How all I did was sit on the computer and argue with people about my sons disease. Argue with people?! Apparently all I was doing was picking fights because I’m just an angry bitch. The whore next door replied with “how sad 🥲”.

Etched into my brain forever. I still cry buckets of tears over that one. And ever since that discovery I just cannot bring myself to be that passionate advocate anymore. Sure, I still focus on my child’s health and safety completely, the research, the developments in finding a cure...but that passion is gone. Replaced by absolute, gut wrenching sadness. It was my way of dealing with the shitty situation our family, especially our son, was dealt. I guess my husbands way of dealing was by side rode sex in the back seat of whore next doors car.

Another time, I was at work while my husband was at home that day...my son was at school and texted me that he was sick...I had my husband go get him since he could(99% of the time it was me who had to leave work for this). He did but apparently reluctantly. I much later found the text he sent to her saying “sorry, can’t meet today after all, my f’ing kid is sick”.

Priorities I guess. Sometimes when I look back at the damage my H inflicted, I just cannot believe he was that horrible person. Didn’t see it coming...😢

Etched into my brain forever. I still cry buckets of tears over that one. And ever since that discovery I just cannot bring myself to be that passionate advocate anymore. Sure, I still focus on my child’s health and safety completely, the research, the developments in finding a cure...but that passion is gone. Replaced by absolute, gut wrenching sadness. It was my way of dealing with the shitty situation our family, especially our son, was dealt. I guess my husbands way of dealing was by side rode sex in the back seat of whore next doors car.

Can I just tell you tho... people like you who take an incredibly difficult adverse situation and use to it affect change and to fiercely advocate and educate are FUCKING HEROES. Please don't let your wh change that about you because the world needs more people like you in it!

Amen. I just need to finally get to physical separation. It will be such a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm hoping it will be by mid May, exactly one year from DDay would be fitting.

That might go a long way in your actually looking forward to that date every year for a while. At least until you are healed more from the circus she has dragged you into.

WH insists he never bad-mouthed me to AP, but I did get to read this sweet little note to the AP on D-Day:

"Wish I could wake up next to you. Smell you. Taste you."

He wrote that while in bed with me, so the implication is that he wished he could wake up next to her... instead of me.

Then 5 yrs later to a different "E"AP:

"I see things daily that remind me of you."

"Wish we could have met for long hugs."

WTF ever. Trying to reconcile, but can't decide from minute to minute whether I love him or hate his fucking guts.

Yellowledbetter

To disparage the BS is low, to disparage the kids is immeasurably low.

Trapped74

You just brought up another level of disrespect. My STBXWW sat in the bed right next to me while using Facebook messenger with AP. I didn't know it until after the fact. I wish I could go back to that day...I would have handled things so much differently. Not sure that phone would have survived that day.

AP #1... twenty years worth of I Love Yous, Soulmate, the fact we never had sex (WTF? not true), that I was "mean"to him, didn't understand him ( ), That I was fat and gross, that he couldn't leave me because of XYZ including I threatened to kill myself (um...no), etc so on.

The worst was the I Love Yous

AP#2...8 weeks (started 4 days after the other LTA ended) ALL sexual, what they wanted to do to each other, in gross detail, how hot she was (CrossFit chick with HUGE fake boobs), how he couldn't wait to do XYZ, the videos of them masterbating etc so on.

Ya. I get it. He did all this while sitting next to me, while waiting in the car while I ran into a store, while BBQing in the garage, at the gym, before he went to work, texted all the way home from work, ALL THE TIME. He even picks up his phone now and I get queasy.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 7:31 PM, February 10th (Wednesday)]

NorthernMSB

I read your short bio...your WH was quite the cake eater. I never did see an "i love you", not sure how I would have handled that. Awful to witness.

Yellowledbetter; we also have a chronically ill child. She’s oxygen dependent. While I was doing all the things he was doing all the other things. After our daughter was diagnosed I went into research and advocacy mode. I thought that’s what we were supposed to do as parents.

I read an email wh sent to Ow2. In it he said marrying me and having children was a mistake. This was just after we had our son.

He also emailed her while we were at the children's hospital with our daughter who was undergoing a battery of testing. He insisted that he was an awesome father for being there for her. Ya bullshit. He stayed IN THE WAITING ROOM!!!

He has never been an active participant in any of the medical problems, appointments, testing or cared about the results for any of our children (minus one set of bloodwork he did at the request of our genetics doctor to do a family profile).

I have a couple of instances that would probably fit here. On D-Day, I saw real time, he texted the AP that I found out about them and and I said I will divorce him, AP texted back"I am so sorry this is happening to you"... Like is this for real? What did you think it would happen when I find out ? And a few days later she said that "out of respect for (insert my name here) " they would not be talking on the phone when I was around.... Anyways... Never saw any other messages but I honestly don't care if they bashed me or not. The level of disrespect was so high... I am well aware that he was involved in this, I don't want it to sound like it is only her I was mad about. Maybe this qualifies better to "stupid shit" they say.

DragnHeart

There are so many wonderful mother’s on this site. I don’t like reading stories where the WH is more concerned with AP than the kids. It drives me crazy thinking about how the wayward’s selfish “needs” outweigh family obligations.

Motheroftwocats

“I’m so sorry [I helped destroy your marriage]” fixed it for you

And that is so kind of them not to cheat on you…when you’re nearby .

DragnHeart

There are so many wonderful mother’s on this site. I don’t like reading stories where the WH is more concerned with AP than the kids. It drives me crazy thinking about how the wayward’s selfish “needs” outweigh family obligations.

Wh text and emailed ow1 while i was in the hospital after an emergency c section with our first. She was in the NICU. I wasn't even able to hold her. I was a damn mess wondering if our baby was going to die and he was messaging his first AP.

Ow2 told wh that she knew how i felt because she had been cheated on before AND that i had no right to be angry or D him. I just needed to get over it. Looking back i regret not punching her in the face for that statement.