SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Brother just keep going the direction that you feel is the best way for you.

Keep gathering information that you have and serve her at her work. She is more worried about her reputation that her marriage.

Then pass on all gathered information to family and close friends. Her disrespectful ways is too much and she has to be accountable. But once served tell her all you know. Not how you obtained the information but what you know.

Can I ask if she wants to continue and brag about her deception to her friends, why does she want to remain in this marriage?

One day at a time.

[This message edited by Buffer at 4:04 AM, Tuesday, August 31st]

As far as I can tell she wants to stay in the marriage mostly because I have always made things so easy for her. I am the primary parent - was even stay at home parent for three years - and I cook, clean, let her sleep in, etc. She is quite literally on easy sleep as I ask very little of her. Hence her trying to get an open marriage during MC, she will have a housekeeper and babysitter, and a friend to fuck whenever she wants. Cake.

She doesn't care about her reputation among her friends at work, clearly, as they already know everything anyway. But I suspect that will change once her family is informed of her activities. She has not told anyone. I suspect that her mum and sister will be furious, as her dad cheated on her many years ago while she was pregnant (with twins, no less). Her mum had the good sense to divorce him immediately. Her dad is a bit of a wildcard. I have always had a good relationship with him, but he is a cheater too, and has historically always supported her. She has a much better relationship with her dad than either her mum or sister. She also has a very large extended family, who, while they will likely support her in the end, will also be disappointed by her behaviour.

Thank you all for everything. Things have been pretty dark around here.

You need to get out of this M as fast as possible and with as little communication with her as possible.

You’ll be fine, you are a responsible competent adult and parent, whereas it does not sound like she is.

Get out ASAP!

Don't mind her threats about the kids. It's for the courts to decide on how should your co-parenting is scheduled. It's better to have 50% of your time with your kids rather than 100% but with a partner who's mind is somewhere else.

Reddy - you appear to be much more resolute now versus when you originally posted. Be ready for the S storm that will come your way once you file. Stand firm.

Please take the advice you’ve already been given and file expeditiously. Your WW has already shown who she really is by her stunt re your children and by calling you a "moron." Unbelievable!

reddy,
You have been given some good advice here. I think you will benefit from the books, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover and "The Dead Bedroom Fix" by DSO. They will help you see behaviors that you are doing that are not helping you. You are not to blame for her choices, that is totally on her lack of character. But they will help you grow in the aftermath of this sad chapter in your life. All the best.

I suspect that her mum and sister will be furious, as her dad cheated on her many years ago while she was pregnant (with twins, no less).

Be emotionally prepared for them to be furious with her at first, then migrate to her corner. They are not reliable allies. Do not confide in them anything that you don't want to get back to W.

What does any of that matter? Why does it matter if her dad will support her or not? Why does it matter if her coworkers care or if her mother disowns her? why does any of that matter?

She is walking all over you and your marital vows, she is treating you like crap and doesn't give a rats behind if you live or die. She could care less if you are in pain or not so why the hell does any of the rest of that matter? Wash your hands of the situation and get yourself into a healthier place before she completely destroys your mental health.

Initially I believed my H wanted to stay married b/c of the easy lifestyle he had. I did so much at home as he traveled all over the world. I never complained. I bought and sold and moved homes and never complained.

My stand up for myself moment was when I decided I’m no longer his "go to" person. No laundry. No errands. No meals if I don’t feel like it. No favors or helping him out. Leave your wallet at home? Figure it out. Car inspection overdue? Figure it out. Left your passport home? Figure it out.

I stopped being his safety net and returned to being his wife. Like when we were dating.

I either reconciled and re-defined the marriage or we were Divorcing.