SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

me,

thank you...I have been hoping that my feelings that the control is shifting a bit, now that the case is in court for CS payments is a valid one. To hear your knowledge about having right to see the child w/o OW present is comforting. For me, not so much because my H wants visitation, but because that is something the OW has to consider too. Having two kids of my own, and also being very close to splitting up with H at one time, I had thoughts of wanting all the control. I can only imagine the OC wants the same,and the realization on her part that she doesn't have it all must be very frustrating for her.

(((((((me)))))) to you. Sorry it has been a rough day. PMS certainly doesn't help matters!

Hey all - didn't mean to upset everyone. Very comforting to me to hear that OW doesn't retain total control. In our case, as many of you know, OW tried to get H to admit paternity and agree to CS now (while pregnant) w/o DNA testing. We believe she did that not for OC sake but her own. Who would stoop so low as to use their unborn child as leverage?

Anyway, I am honest enough to admit that I am scared of the thought of her giving birth. I'm sure she'll email pics from the hospital and I swear if she names this kids after my H I will go off the deep end. NOT HER RIGHT!!

I understand (attorney said the same) that H has rights if OW sues and believe me we will pursue every last one if only to drive her over the edge and hurt her like she has hurt me. I don't care if it's vindictive and mean, it's how I honestly feel.

When do they "PAY" for what they've done to us, the wives?!?!

BW-we were in the same situation with the OC, wanting the CS agreement right away. At first I read that to be wanting to prove paternity early because maybe it wasn't true, but in retrospect, I think it was to keep a connection to my H. If your attny hasn't already advised, FYI--ours said make sure you pay for nothing--because later on it can be construed as admittance of paternity. I think she thought if she kept the dialogue going, she would "win" him over and he would leave me.

Also, I've learned that time is on our side. That is why I feel the power shifting. If you would like a bit of advice from someone who's just been there, as hard as it is, ignore the emails, photos, etc., otherwise she is getting what she wants, and keeping control. My hope is that the silence on her end is deafening, for her. That is power for us.

BW-they do pay, everyday that they look at their little child, and see our husbands, whom they do not have.

Yes, that's hard for us, and it breaks my heart that my son may have a 1/2 brother that looks just like him, but I have my husband and that is what counts through the difficult moments.

Also, the OW pays everyday wondering when and where the daddy might show up and want to see their child, and have a relationship with them that the OW will never have.

I truly beleive that my H's OW fell in love with him, thought he would leave me and run to her. I am over the jealosy of that because I have him, he is committed to me and our kids. The rest we can handle.

2kids,

Thanks. Everything you said makes sense. We haven't heard a peep from her since 12/17. Fine with us but I feel like the other shoe will drop. That feeling of dread is what's freaking me out.

I hope she does pay...when she can't go out w/ the girls, when the guy at the bar decides not to go home w/ her b/c she has a kid, when she can't stop at Bloomie's or Macy's after work b/c she has to pick up the kid from daycare, when she's schlepping 17 bags through La Guardia Airport, when she's got a screaming kid in the grocery shopping cart, when she has only herself to clean up after the kid, when she's exhausted and alone, whenever anyone new in her life asks "why aren't you married to the father?".

I really hate this f-ing b*tch.

Whew! Feel better now! Thanks a bunch!

BW

you're welcome!! I mirror your sentiments exactly!

Better yet, when she has to answer the question, "when did you get divorced?"

I think the best one will be when the child figures out how it was conceived. Whhat a great look he/she will have on his/her face.

Or when OW has to try to explain away the absent father to oc and all of oc friends, teachers, doctors ect. How stupid for a woman to do that and the worse and best one is when the idiot ow tries to give the oc the biofather last name lol. That just screams whore when she has a totally diff last name and she was never married to the biofather.

"I'm sure she'll email pics from the hospital and I swear if she names this kid after my H I will go off the deep end."

Betrayed,

Have you considered changing your email addresses and your phone numbers? Make all correspondence with ow go through your attorney. It isn't necessary for you or you husband to continue ANY dialogue with the ow until paternity is proven. If the ow continues any attempts at contact file harassment charges against her. Also tell your husband to inform his attorney that he doesn't want oc (if his) to bear his last name. It's not unheard of for a judge to order oc's last name to be that of the ow. As for his first name, if she realizes IT's OVER and SHE HASN'T GOT A CHANCE IN HELL she most likely won't name oc after your husband. What a reminder that would be for HER if she did.

Me

[This message edited by Me&my3 at 9:17 AM, February 9th (Thursday)]

Me,

We've moved and changed our numbers. NC to email so that's fine for now. Had the same email address for 10+ years and I'll be damned if SHE is going to make us change it. In NY she cannot give OC my H's last name unless and until paternity is either proven or acknowledge. Wish I could be a fly on the wall when she find that one out!

Hugs to all...

BW - I was petrified over her giving the same first name, and I came close to panic when I found out the middle name is the same as my sons. But then found out her father has the same name, so I think it is coincidental--pretty common name. I had the same fears, and I think what was said here is true, if she thinks she has a chance in hell of getting your H back, she might try it---if not, why have the reminder? Do you think these stupid OW are even smart enough to figure that out? They certainly couldn't figure out the rest of the morals related to this.

my hubby had a one night stand with 17 year old he's was 32! They were supposedly drunk at a party.Anyway he had no contact with her after that until she calls up 9 months later says she just had his baby. I didn't know about the one night stand or the baby until she sent pics in the mail and opened the package. Good thing she lives in adifferent state so I don't have to see the witch. Hubby does want to see kid he is 11 months old now. He has only seen him once

donecrying,

Was the OC proven to be your H's by a DNA test?

BW

BW--as a follow up to a post in the past week or so--we met with our estate attny yesterday. He told us that leaving anything to the OC is absolutely not necessary, used to be so, and some older lawyers still do that. He said it convolutes things, and the law only looks at what is written, not what someone else considers is "fair". Only person that can NOT be written out of a will is spouse. when I get it.

Every state is slightly different, so it is important to check it all out fully, as we know. Let me know if you come up with something different.

[This message edited by twokidsmomny at 9:28 AM, March 18th (Saturday)]

betratedwife no he has not a DNA test yet he wants to bring child here and get it without OW knowing I think it is a bad idea. Our child together doesn't even know OC exists

donecrying is she asking for CS?

If she is, it would be perfectly normal to ask for a dna test.

I hope you and your husband are not sending any money or anything else without a court order... thats an admission of paternity. He could be found the father without a test.

I think your husband doesnt want to get the little girl mad at him over asking for a test. I also think that, and I know teenagers WELL, this young teen did not just keep her mouth shut all these months. I am almost positive he , unless she was trying to pin the child on someone else and they were smart enough to get a dna test. (maybe we saw her on Maury LOL)

donecrying- We were told that a dna test could not be done without OW signature. She would have to agree to it, unless you got a court order. It may be different where you live though. This OC/OW stuff really sucks huh?

Hello all:) Haven't posted in awhile but have been lurking.

The month of February sucks for me. Found out Feb 3,2005 that husband had an OC. Then on Feb 14,2005, went to child support board with husband to find out how much of OUR money we would have to give this person(she ain't no lady! ). My husband's son will be 3 next month.

Got past my one year dday anniversary. Had a few weepy moments but now this.

My husband still has not made contact with his son. Sometimes I hope he never will but I feel guilty about this. As you can tell I don't give a **** about Valentine's Day.

We are reconcilling even though there are some difficult days.

Even so, wishing all of you a Happy Valentine's Day! Do something special for you

sweet--does your H pay CS now?

There are many of us on here that worry about that process, any advice you have would be great.

My husband is currently unemployed but looking so he is not paying child support. What would you like to know?