SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The oc in my case was born on christmas day last year 05.My husband as yet has had no contact. Are lives are a mess we fight everyday one day i want him still the next i hate him for all this pain.

(((((tricia)))))

Why has he not had contact, but it is still so hard? I am not judging, just wondering...how can we help you more?

He is still here living with me,our lives are a mess the other women has not made any contact since i seen her, two days after christmas when i found out she had had the baby i asked him to leave and go and be with her and the baby, he says its not what he wants.WHAT DO I DO?

tricia--its not really about what he wants, but about what you want! Be strong and do what is right for you, not for him! If that includes him, so be it, but if not, then find the help and strength to move on. If he wants you, than he can act that way...if he wants the OW and OC, then he needs to let you know that as well. Have you been in counselling-perhaps that will be you on better ground.

I'm so glad I found this forum. I had no idea that it was here. My H had OC with his ex-wife who became his OW after he and I were already married and they had been divorced for nearly 2 years. So now he has a baby (nearly a year old, he was 8 months old when I found out). This has been the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life. Glad to know that I'm not the only one going through this.

reallypissed-I just read your other post in JFO. I'm sorry that you're in this situation too. Infidelity is bad enough without having children thrown into the mix. Is a dna test being done on the new baby?

My H OW had a baby in Oct. 2005, dna test still has not been done. She's going through the state, and they are SLOW AS HELL!!! He has had contact with the child up until about 3 weeks ago. We have a 6 year old and OW started bitching about how much time my H spends with OUR son and not hers. WTF?? She knew he was married and had a child (she'd been to our house before). And she also found out that I'm pregnant (due in May),from her sister. She said that my H should've told her himself, like it's any of her damn business!!!

Sorry for rambling--this stuff just REALLY pisses me off!!!

Really pissed--welcome and so sorry you have to be here. My H and the OW's baby was born in January--it's the worst thing ever for me to deal with. H wants to be a dad, OW doesn't want me to exist much less be "stepmom", and I'm getting through each day one by one. It's quite a journey.

Good luck and keep posting. You can PM if you like.

It really bugs me that the wives, us, who were cheated on are the "bad guys" in the eyes of the OW! Who the F are they to judge US!?

Sorry for the mini rant...this topic raises my blood pressure.

Betrayed, I totally agree. We did nothing to these OW. Yet, they insist on making our lives hell and starting vicious rumors about US!! They won't let H see the child unless they divorce us. We're the ones who were hurt in this. We're the ones who were cheated on. We're the ones who have to try to forgive (even if we really don't want to). He's sorry he says. He didn't mean for this to happen. Well he should have thought about that before he put his d**k in her!!! And he doesn't know why he did it. I can tell you why he did it. He's F-ing stupid!!!

really,

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, it's a sucky place to be.

You haven't mentioned many details so forgive me if the advice I give doesn't apply. If you haven't read through this entire thread do so, you'll find quite a bit of helpful info. As someone who's been there, done that the most important advice I can give you is to be proactive and do your research. If the ow/ex-wife hasn't filed for child support yet you need to get yourself to an attorney pronto and file for a legal separation to protect yourself and your child. Do not hesitate as it can mean the difference between thousands of dollars for your child as opposed to the oc.

Lean on this board for all the support you need. It can be a lifesaver.

Me

[This message edited by Me&my3 at 9:25 AM, February 17th (Friday)]

The OW has already filed for CS. She's getting nearly $500/mo!! DNA test is done, yadda, yadda, yadda.......and the dumb b**ch had another baby yesterday! Is is my H? Who knows. He said he'd do a DNA test on this one just to prove to me that it's not his. That it pisses him off that I would ask him to but he understands (since the entire time she was pg with OC, he denied having ever slept with her in the first place). I haven't read this entire thread yet, but will when I get enough time. Thanks for all the support. Had myself a bit of a nervous breakdown last night. I just keeping thinking, "I can't" I can't what I don't know, I guess I felt that I couldn't stand any of this anymore. I couldn't stop crying, I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't go to class. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom cause I felt so overwhelmed and I just wanted to shut out the whole world.

[This message edited by reallypissed at 4:22 PM, February 17th (Friday)]

hi everyone

not much to say right now, just trying to survive like everyone else here.

welcome tricia, april and reallypissed(love the name)

i'm thinking of you all.

does this suck or what???!!!!

i've been feeling very vengeful lately. anyone go through this?

the XOW has a website. any suggestions of what i could do? (hee hee evil laugh)

I have had a bad few days. OC is due in about 5 weeks and as it gets closer I get more and more upset. To make things worse I saw OW the other day we did not aknowledge one another but seeing her pregnant with my H child was absolutely devestating. How do I get past the hurt and betrayal I feel on a daily basis. Everytime I look at my H I am reminded of the A, OW and OC soon to be. The fact that they'll be living just a few miles away makes things worse. We have NC with OW but I just don't know how long that will last. If my H truly loves me like he says how could he be so thoughtless and uncaring as to allow this to have happen (with a family friend to top things off)? I wouldn't treat my worst enemy as poorly and as inconsiderately as I've been treated.

just take one day at a time,be kind too yourself there is nothing that we can do,the baby is coming and we have to try and deal with it.My life has been upside down since christmas when i went to O/W home too find she had a two day old son who was born on christmas day.I have not looked after myself have lost so much weight and i smoke and drink to much,its hard to cope with but try not too go down my path of hurting myself,everyone tells me how ill i look and when i look in the mirror all i see is so much pain and hurt,my thoughts go out to you and my prayers,i know what you are going through.

Really,

If he claimed to have never slept w/ her in the first place and now she's pregnant, I just have to ask...

Is she named Mary b/c it HAS to be immaculate conception!

Sometimes our H's are so dumb. Do they REALLY think we'll fall for that?

Change of topic...we went to dinner on Saturday night and as we were driving to the restauarant I was looking at the street signs to get my bearings. Then I saw the street the OW works on. She lives w/in walking distance of work so I knew we were close to her apartment building. I started freaking out inside.

I asked my H several times in different ways if he was familiar w/ the neighborhood, etc. He said no. I believe him that he didn't know he was by that street or that he didn't recognize the name (I know if from the bottom of her emails...).

Anyway, just seeing the name got me thinking of EVERYTHING and I had to push it all aside mentally so I didn't ruin the evening w/ friends. I still wanted to smack him though...

I hate this. Thanks for listening gang.

Saga continues--we're off to the other side of the continent today to meet with mediators to see if we can come to some agreement about H seeing his child. Of course, it's separately (mediator with her, mediator with us) since FOW won't be in the same vicinity as I am. What a joke.

Will keep you posted. We're doing okay but it's such a huge stress--so far H agrees with my conditions of them not being alone together with child, playing out her fantasy of their happy family (and continuing to fight her battles to get him for herself).

I've read in other posts that often going through the judges can be mixed. Especially when the child is a breast-feeding infant. Hard to separate mom and kid for long in those situations. On the other hand, once the child is old enough to be separated for some time, it's H's business where and with whome he has his visitation.

So it's in the short run that we're having trouble. I am okay with not meeting child yet (though it seems to me that it would be better for me to have a relationship with a real live kid on our own, not just the idea of his being a symbol of the whole infidelity--better for the child in the long run). But I'm not okay with them alone together. We shall see what happens this week.

Someone said somewhere that it's like an alcoholic going to happy hour over and over and never giving in to the temptation to drink. Funny that I'm supposed to suddenly trust both OW and H to do the right thing now, when they couldn't do it for all the time of the adultery. And I don't!

To be continued.

Here's whats eating at my gut today. I'm not exactly a 10 but (I don't mean to sound like I'm tooting my own horn) I'm not bad looking. Actually, in my sisters words, I'm HOT!!! The OW, she's fat, she's got bleached blonde hair with really bad roots, she wears blue eye shadow with blue mascara, and bright pink lipstick. She's just trashy. So why the hell would he want her and not me?

I think it's actually a lose lose situation. If she were really hot, then I'd feel ugly. But since she's absolutely not, that makes me think that she's better in bed than I am (remember, he was married to her before me). Either way I go here, I lose. What the hell?

Great news!!! Heard from a friend who works with OW and am informed that OW's newest child definately is not my H's. Apparently, he's the wrong color!! The new baby's skin is way to dark to belong to my white husband!!!

Congratulations really pissed. What a relief for you. We should all be so lucky:)

Evil thought...I've been freakish a bit lately at the thought of the OW posting to the BabiesRUs website. I'm SO SO tempted to steal her thunder and register as her and have the stuff sent to one of those mailbox places. Evil huh? I don't have the guts to do it but the thought makes me smile!