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Iím Safe

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Scoobydoo posted 8/29/2019 13:14 PM

Thank you everyone,

I have a divorce lawyer, they are already taking care of personal things. Money, house, business, assets etc.

However no one has told me I needed to get a different lawyer, itís a criminal case against him, not me personally,
as far as I am aware itís down to the CPS?
Am I wrong?
Iím not even sure if any of us will have to be witnesses at this point, the liaison officer hasnít mentioned any of it yet.

OneInTwenty posted 8/29/2019 13:38 PM

I don't think you need another lawyer, the CPS will handle the prosecution and yours the divorce.

CPS = Crown Prosecution Service, USA equivalent would be the DA I think.

maise posted 8/29/2019 14:25 PM

I recently caught up with your story. Saw your post on the random anonymous donor. I LOVE it when people are kind, that made my heart smile. I'm glad you are doing okay considering the recent very extreme circumstances. Sending positivity and hugs.

Scoobydoo posted 8/29/2019 15:20 PM

Liaison officer has just left after updating me & the kids,
Heís been remanded into custody, magistrates will hear his case in 2 weeks, Itís given CPS more time to get everything in order, The prison heís in is quite a distance from us thankfully.
The judge will be deferring to Crown court for sentencing, if he pleads Not Guilty in Crown he may have a trial which then means we will have to go as witnesses,
However he did plead guilty today so hopefully myself & the kids will be saved from more trauma.
Not holding my breath though as heís asked to see all the kids in visitation, on remand you can have visitors daily, once sentenced i think itís either weekly or fortnightly (not sure I need to know either) they did tell me but I think I tuned out at that point!

I donít need a lawyer or barrister atm but I may be appointed 1 if I have to be a witness, CPS will sort it all out for me & the kids,
Iím still just trying to get my head around everything

But at Least we can relax now even if itís only for a little bit.

Scoobydoo posted 8/29/2019 15:22 PM

Again thank you for all your support, well wishes & hugs,

You are all very remarkable people x

Lalagirl posted 8/30/2019 06:15 AM


heís asked to see all the kids in visitation

So he can screw with their heads some more.

Hell to the no. But I assume they are not going.

Tallgirl posted 9/3/2019 16:57 PM


STBXH is in prison on remand

He's awaiting a Trial/Hearing date at Crown Court.

He's sent VO's (visitation orders) to all our adult Children, at the moment they are saying they are not interested but that can all change in a heart beat, Obviously they love their dad even after everything he's done & I know they are struggling with having no answers to all their questions. Trust me I understand their needs for this.

How can I deter this from happening without putting them firmly in the middle of a War Zone?

They have each received long letters pleading with them all to visit so he can explain to them personally, I haven't asked to see the letters as its between them but I'm worried he's manipulating them.

He's so good at rewriting history I fear all he would need is an IN..once this happens I dread to think what will happen.

If he goes Not Guilty they will all be called as witnesses. Surely that will affect the upcoming case?

Wont it be seen as them supporting him?

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 5:19 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

Cooley2here posted 9/3/2019 18:56 PM

Scooby, one of the hardest things for us to accept is the biological need of children to love, and be loved by, their parents. It doesnít make sense on the surface but it is the truth. I suggest you use a very experienced therapist to help you and your children come to terms with what he has done, and yet they love him. You need to acknowledge that. It isnít based on rational thought. It just is. They need to know that you, and the police, consider him dangerous. You can also let them know that you loved him for a long time. I also think you need to tell them you feel safe now that he cannot get to you. The one thing you donít want to do is denigrate their feelings. They are what they are. Please find someone who has counseled families that have dealt with domestic violence.

OwningItNow posted 9/3/2019 19:04 PM

The case is moving along, and that is a blessing. But Scooby, how are you doing emotionally? I worry about how much has happened and what it is doing to your psyche. I wish you all the best. Strength.

WhoTheBleep posted 9/3/2019 19:42 PM

They have each received long letters pleading with them all to visit so he can explain to them personally,

So that he can LIE to them.

"Explain" what exactly? No explanation with justify anything he has done to you. Your children must know this. He will "explain" what a horrible human being you are and you drove him completely insane to the point that he had absolutely no choice and knew not what he did, blah blah blah.

Pffffttt....fuck him.

DevastatedDee posted 9/4/2019 09:24 AM

I think, sadly, he has created a war-zone in the family. He has chosen to become your mortal enemy. It's not fair to ANY of you. The kids have to be an absolute mess over his actions and I am sure that they're dying to understand what in the world is in his head to cause him to try and kill their mom. I can't imagine what a mindfuck this is for them. I would ask them not to see him and be honest about why. It's not fair to you or the kids that he has created this scenario, but no good will come from playing into his hands. For them to see him is to tell him that he can attempt to murder their mother and still be in their lives. His twisted mind will make that into not permission or forgiveness, exactly, but will make him view his actions as even less heinous than he already does. It will seem like he must not be so bad if his kids will still be there for him.

Tentwinkletoes posted 9/4/2019 11:51 AM

Hi scooby I havent been on SI regularly until the last week or so. But had come across your wh thread and it was frightening and disturbing so I am so glad to read your update and hear that you are getting fantastic support and protection from police and courts.

I can only echo what others have said about the threat he poses should he get released. The most dangerous time for a women in your position is when you are leaving....sounds obvious but it really is true. So I am glad you have lots of protection and back up in place. But please be aware in the future.

I hope he gets the help he clearly needs you said he wasnt abusive and violent except in the beginning which shows its within his character and potential. But clearly all this messing around and being caught and it backfiring has upset his mental state probably because hes had such mental gymnastics to do what he does and believe he will remain unscathed. It's awful. And I hope with time he can realise just how awful hes been in the past and now and leave you to move on.

The whole if he cant have you nobody can honest gave me shudders. He is a dangerous and delusional man and I am so glad you have wonderful children and family protecting and supporting you but I hope this man is kept away from you while he gets the help he needs.

Please stay safe! You really are a remarkable strong woman.

Tallgirl posted 9/5/2019 03:45 AM


Thank you everyone for your replies, concerns & well wish wishes. I am reading & need each & everyone of them to keep my strength up.
I really am so very grateful.

I'm not OK, I'm so out of my depth & feel I'm drowning slowly day by day.
So now I'm planning...I need to plan!!
I'm signing up for self defence classes next week through the police, Tae Kwon Do, Krav Maga, Aikido etc, going to try a little of them all to see which 1 suits my needs the most,
Also have an induction at a gym tomorrow as I need some control of my future after what he's done. I never want to be that vulnerable EVER again,
I'm hoping this will all help.

Have spoken to all the kids in depth together with the Police officer & Liaison officer involved in our case,
Between them all they have collectively decided the eldest son is going to visit him on Monday, They have all drafted up a bunch of questions they want answers to.
I tried to convince them it wasn't a good idea, but they are angry, upset, disappointed, & heartbroken, so they feel they need to do something.

I have also received a VO in the post now, it arrived yesterday along with a letter, Pretty vague in terms of admitting anything thats happened, I guess they monitor all correspondence so I'm not surprised by that.
Normal BS,
how sad HE is, how HE lost control, How HE can't imagine life without me, How much HE misses me, How HE needs me, how much HE loves me!!!
How HE will move heaven & earth to make things right.
He has been having intense Counselling, & so called doing every course or Class he can sign upto to,
He wants to 'make himself a better person'
HE wants his family BACK.



Tallgirl posted 9/5/2019 04:20 AM

((Hugs Scooby))

It doesnít feel like it but you are doing really great. Actively learning to protect yourself is smart and something you should absolutely do. And you are safe right now.

These are crazy circumstances. And This is incredibly traumatic and terrifying, you could even have PTSD.

You need to find emotional support network that understands what you are going through. counselling is smart and I think finding a local womanís group will help you cope. You are a victim of abuse Going through hell.

If you canít sleep, go to the doctor for sleeping aids.

Think about getting a dog for protection. The company would be comforting as well.

Scoobs you are awesome and smart..and so are your kids. You guys will all be ok.

Boxer needs a lot of help to understand what he did was UNFORGIVABLE. From what you told us. I think he hasnít really got it yet. This flabbergasts me. This is still about him and his needs and his wants. None of you owe him anything. He is dangerous.

I am so freaking sorry all this happened.

((((Scoobs))))). Stay strong. One day at a time.

Lalagirl posted 9/5/2019 05:56 AM

Scooby, I responded to your update in the "Surprise Video" thread in JFO. Hugs, honey.

DevastatedDee posted 9/5/2019 08:29 AM

Think about getting a dog for protection. The company would be comforting as well.

A large pitbull with a major attitude problem.

Yeah, he's soooo sorry, no doubt. Sounds like that letter was just dripping with empathy for what HE DID. What a fuckface.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 8:29 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]

WhatsRight posted 9/5/2019 16:47 PM

I'm so sorry for your situation.

I wanted to 'put it out there' that I understand that you don't want to snoop through his letters to the kids, but I do think this could be a situation pertaining to safety.

No harm just looking. If there are no causes for harm done. But, if you can see some big red flags, you could intercede somehow.


Tallgirl posted 9/5/2019 17:32 PM

DD, you make me laugh. Agree on the FF description.

nekonamida posted 9/5/2019 18:14 PM

Yep. Of course he's sorry now. He's sitting in jail and getting a D. But of course it's still all about him.

Scooby, you're doing great. Don't worry about your kids. Let them get the answers that they need. It's not going to change anything but it might help them accept it a little bit better. Just know that even if he tries to manipulate them, he won't get his way. He'll probably throw himself one hell of a pity party and imply that you're partially to blame for not letting him have his way.

Masa posted 9/6/2019 15:39 PM

Oh my goodness Scooby!!
What an awful scary time for you. Iím so happy to read that you are safe. Well done for being proactive and signing up for self defence classes. If possible donít go anywhere alone.
Your H sounds like a complete narcissist, I have joined some great forums and groups which have helped me understand my H behaviour (I know we have spoke before about our H showing similar behaviours)
Iím sending you so much love and strength to get you through this shit storm xxx

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