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Would you ever get married again?

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toonces posted 11/14/2019 22:34 PM

nope.

When we married, I brought significant assets while WW had none. If we had D after 10 years of marriage, she would have gotten half. Sorry no thanks.

Should be like when we moved in together. I had my money, she had hers and we contributed to a shared checking account to cover rent, food, utilities, cable TV, etc. If we had D, we leave with our assets and split what's left in the checking account.

deena04 posted 11/14/2019 22:51 PM

I have a companion and am content to keep it as such. Iíll never legally tie myself to someone again.

yellowledbetter posted 11/15/2019 00:52 AM

A Hard No. I donít believe in marriage anymore. I thought I had the perfect one. I donít trust myself to make those decisions any longer...fuck that.

Looking back, I wouldnít marry my husband again either. But Iím thankful for my children. He was a really great sperm donor, if nothing else...but If I could go back in time, I would do anything to avoid the heartbreak he has caused me . Anything.

[This message edited by yellowledbetter at 3:58 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/15/2019 05:22 AM

I might, which is really weird to say. This M is my 2nd. My 1st doesn't really count, imo. I was 18. He was 19. We were young and stupid. I only married him to get out of my mother's house. We separated after 1.5 years. I didn't ever want to get married again after that one. Marriage was not on my list of life goals ever, anyway.

Then, I met my fch. I would've been fine living together forever, but he insisted on getting married for religious reasons. WTH? To me, it's just a legal paper. The emotional commitment was already there. I married him for practical reasons.

I'm at a stage in my life that, if I were to find myself single again, I might remarry. But, I would remarry only for a spectacular love, soulmate type connection. I think I'm experienced enough to know whether or not it's worth it.

DevastatedDee posted 11/15/2019 07:39 AM

I don't see the point. I'm not having any more kids and I no longer put any significance on the whole ceremony of committment. Had you been at my 2nd wedding, you'd have sworn this guy would die for me and never ever hurt me. That killed any part of me that thinks it's all romantic to have that ceremony in front of friends and family. There is no longer any romance attached to "he wants to marry me". I was never the girl who dreamed of her wedding or anything, but I used to think that it was a pretty big deal for a guy to want to marry me. After hearing "I just asked you because it was what I was supposed to do" post DDay, that broke completely. I had never hinted at marriage, that was all him.

He will honestly never understand the level of damage he did and I doubt he has the capacity to do so. I'm over him as a romantic partner, but I am constantly discovering how differently I look at everything now.

Rideitout posted 11/15/2019 08:09 AM

First, to the question, no, probably not. I doubt I'd get into a serious relationship again, let alone marry. Marriage was never something that I really desired, it was something she wanted and a natural step, I did it to make her happy. And a few years later, she cheated. Great decision making process there.

"I just asked you because it was what I was supposed to do" post DDay

I'm quoting this because it's me (minus the cheating). Marriage is a legal contract that's very slanted towards the lower earning partner. I did it because I felt like it was the "right thing to do", not because it's something I greatly desired. I don't, and didn't, need God, society, or anyone else's blessing to be in love with my (at the time) girlfriend. I loved her with all my heart and wasn't looking for a permission slip to have those feelings, or looking to say it in front of a bunch of people. It just wasn't on my priority list.

Now, all that said, I enjoyed it because it was something important and special to her. I'm glad I did it, and wouldn't rewind that part of my life. It was the "right thing" to do because it was important to her, even though it didn't have much value to me. Now, of course, all those feelings changed a lot when the A came out, which wasn't long after the M, then I felt like a chump, it felt like the reason she married me was so that I couldn't walk away as easily when the "real her" came out and started f((king around. But, before then, it was just a compromise, she wanted it more than I didn't want it (a lot more, I really didn't care that much either way), so I did it.

I know of very few men who got married because they "really wanted it", it's almost always pressure from the W and/or family that pushes them over the edge. It's just not as important to most men I know (not all, some it's very important) than it seems to be to their wives.

DevastatedDee posted 11/15/2019 08:26 AM

And that's where it's confusing, RIO. I didn't need marriage either. I wasn't looking for it. I didn't need it to prove that we loved each other. I didn't need a man to financially take care of me. I wasn't even looking for the ceremony. I thought we should elope or something and save money. He wanted the ceremony. He put a lot of work into the ceremony. I don't know if it was just a cheater re-write to say what he did or if this was just some grand love-bombing gesture to keep a mask on or what. I don't know. Maybe he was cheating then and felt guilty and put on a great show.

But all that is where the complete disinterest in such things comes from now.

DevastatedDee posted 11/15/2019 08:28 AM

It's as if he decided I wanted and needed it, made me believe in it, and then took a shit on it.

bookworm19 posted 11/15/2019 08:30 AM

I never wanted to get married, never imagined myself married, I was like an old catlady already as a child. I have a partner 30 years but it never crossed our minds to get married. So, no, I will not get married, EVER (if it happens I will let you know, maybe if there would be a life/death situation), because I don't believe in marriage. I believe in commitment, it's very intimate thing for me, but marriage, no.
Said that I have to mention, that in my country living together as a couple is considered the same as the marriage as far the law is concerned, but technically it's still easier to be married if you have kids.

Lemondrop10 posted 11/15/2019 09:11 AM

That's a hard no for me. I got completely screwed financially divorcing the cheater and prenups in my state are a joke. I also realize that I am broken as hell from my marriage and I am not in any mental shape to be in any kind of relationship at this point.

Maybe years from now, I could live with someone, wear a ring, even have a little service at church, but there is no chance in hell there will ever be a "legal" marriage for me.

Brave30 posted 11/15/2019 09:47 AM

For several years following the D, I was a hard pass. I just didn't see a point in it.

But, I am now happily married to a wonderful man and we have a daughter who is almost two years old.


Buck posted 11/15/2019 11:26 AM

No marriage for me in the future. I think marriage makes sense when children are involved and Iím too damn old to have any more kids.

Rideitout posted 11/15/2019 11:30 AM

It's as if he decided I wanted and needed it, made me believe in it, and then took a shit on it.


Exactly. Only thing I'd change, it's not "as if". It's exactly what she (and sounds like he) did in my case. Wanted it, got it, then shit all over it.

amli posted 11/15/2019 12:04 PM

I don't think so. Basically, inertia has played a role in staying where I am now--it would be a pain in the ass to uncoil our life together. If it does go south, I think I like the idea of just walking out the door with my suitcase-no need for a court order.

HeartBreaker11 posted 11/15/2019 12:13 PM

After my experience with marriage, I have no desire to ever get married again.

I have been quite clear about that when dating, just to have an established boundary on the table from the get go.

I might get married in the future if I was in a very very long term relationship with someone and one of us was dying or needed health insurance benefits or something.

tushnurse posted 11/15/2019 12:21 PM

Nope.

As someone that has R'd successfully I can without a doubt say No I would never marry again. I love my H with all my heart, and am very happy. HOWEVER....

I am also happy being alone, and enjoy the company of myself quite a lot.

If I get lonely I can always get another, dog, cat, or chicken. LOL.

Seriously though. I don't think I would sign up for the chance at more pain, because I am quite happy with me myself and I.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/15/2019 15:02 PM

Wanted it, got it, then shit all over it.


That's how it went for me, too. I had no desire to get married. I told my fch that I was perfectly happy living together. He insisted he could not do that. We would have to get married if we wanted to live together because of his Catholic parents. So, I agreed. And, yep, he shit all over it. It's especially confounding for me that he would use his religion to insist we get married, but it didn't stop him from cheating.

steadychevy posted 11/15/2019 15:31 PM

Absolutely yes. I'm 68. I'm totally fine being alone. Well, not alone. I have cats, a dog, chickens and a bunch of cattle. With the right person I would very willingly marry again. Adultery didn't sour me on women or marriage - just some women and this marriage.

nothisfriend posted 11/15/2019 15:59 PM

I think so.

justabrokendream posted 11/15/2019 16:02 PM

No.

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