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Would you ever get married again?

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secondtime posted 11/15/2019 16:04 PM

First, to the question, no, probably not. I doubt I'd get into a serious relationship again, let alone marry. Marriage was never something that I really desired, it was something she wanted and a natural step, I did it to make her happy. And a few years later, she cheated. Great decision making process there.

That's a hell of a thing to compromise yourself on..

Especially knowing you can't make anyone other than yourself happy.


secondtime posted 11/15/2019 16:05 PM

I'm not getting married again.

I'm not getting in another relationship.

I am relationshiped-out.

ShutterHappy posted 11/15/2019 16:13 PM

I refuse to let my XWW actions affect my life to that extent. If I do that she “wins”. Yes I am stubborn.

Not all women are the same. After my D, if I wanted to date, I dated. If I wanted to marry, I marry. And I did so.

Yes I got affected by infidelity. But I made very sure to stay away from “all woman are...” thinking.

redstick posted 11/15/2019 16:23 PM

.
No not gonna happen. Been single so long I'm set in my ways now. I sometimes say I've spoiled myself with myself.

Hutch posted 11/15/2019 16:54 PM

It’s an interesting question and I bet most of us will have a different answer today versus a year from now. Or maybe not. Ha!

I think more than anything I’d like to experience a loving, healthy relationship. I do desire intimacy, companionship, someone to travel with, watch movies and snuggle on a couch with. Dare I say it...sex anytime I want and wake up by that person. 😉 And I’m sure everyone desires faithfulness. But does that necessarily translate to marriage? I suppose it depends on who you ask.
I am curious what a healthy marriage feels/looks like. I’ve never known that. I do believe in marriage even after all of this. But I think at this stage in my life, I’m more concerned with meeting a person who desires the same things I do whether that be marriage or a relationship.

So simply put would I do it again? Yes. Do I need it if the person I’m with has the same goals and desires for a healthy relationship? No.

wildbananas posted 11/15/2019 22:16 PM

Hard pass.

hopefullife posted 11/16/2019 03:35 AM

I've always seen myself as a strong independent woman who isn't afraid to grow up alone. A sad but I will survive it mindset. I met my WH and suddenly I had a future with a partner. Then this shit show happened. Honestly, I don't know. I think I'm broken beyond I can imagine and I don't know if I will ever trust someone again. But when this happened, I also felt like I'm strong enough to handle any future pain.

When I hear engagements and marriages now all I can think of is "doesn't mean commitment". I don't know. I hope I'll find someone who will remove all my doubts.

Hawaii posted 11/16/2019 03:40 AM

Nope never! WH and I had discussed hypothetically if we’d ever get married again I’d say we divorced. We both said no absolutely not. I meant it. He was discussing marriage with the OW, for the 4th time, 20 days into the A.
I never waive red during our seperation, I’m not interested in that kind of relationship again.

free2016 posted 11/16/2019 04:18 AM

I'd love to. And with all the wisdom I have now, I'd make sure that 2nd M is for fun and companionship. I married WH because I fell pregnant and have given this M all I could. Little did I know that he has had a secret selfish personality, the mask was worn at all times.
So yeah...WH's behaviour is not going to change my faith in M...

Brennan87 posted 11/16/2019 07:22 AM

I'll never say never, but right now if this marriage doesn't work, my stance is a big hell no.

1st was young and dumb and while we both had our own issues, I imploded it early on. Consider this my "practice". With a big monetary price tag....

Current marriage imploded (infidelity and abuse) on a whole new scale. So from a pattern perspective, I don't believe 3rd time is the charm. :)

Maybe I'm soured on the thought, but a lady companion seems more reasonable to me.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/16/2019 07:36 AM

I am curious what a healthy marriage feels/looks like.


That's a good question. What does a healthy M look and feel like? I think, to a certain extent, that's relative. The are the obviously negative, unhealthy aspects; abuse and infidelity. But, what are the positive, healthy aspects?

I think it6called interdependence from a psychological pov. I would say that my dad's 2nd M was probably pretty healthy. Of course, that's my pov looking in from the outside.i don't know what their private, intimate interactions were like. I know who both of them are, or were, as people. That gives me a clue to how things probably were between them, privately.

Dorothy123 posted 11/16/2019 08:46 AM

No.

sickofsurviving posted 11/16/2019 09:24 AM

No.

I have had horrible experiences with marriage.

My cheater was my last chance at a happy marriage. My 2 x husbands are in prison. One for molesting my kids, one for almost killing me.

After years of healing, my girls talked me into dating. They had final say on cheater. So he really screwed over already damaged kids.

There is absolutely no way I would even take a chance. It's not worth the price you pay if you're wrong.

J707 posted 11/16/2019 09:28 AM

Yes and no. I'm 38 years old, I have a long life ahead of me, I hope. I've come to a point where I don't need anybody, I'm comfortable being alone. I wouldn't rule out marriage in the future because of what my XWW did to ours. But I'm also in the camp of, why do you need the states/governments approval to seal your love for someone. I'm still fresh out of D, maybe in the years to come I'll have a more definite yes or no answer. Marriage? I don't even wanna date right now so.

whattheh posted 11/16/2019 15:06 PM

No.

Mene posted 11/16/2019 16:54 PM

NO

dreamlife posted 11/16/2019 17:35 PM

No.

Zamboni posted 11/16/2019 18:02 PM

Absolutely not.

I’d allow someone to keep their toothbrush and maybe a change of clothes at my house, but that’s about it.

keptmyword posted 11/16/2019 18:04 PM

It’s not that my XWW has turned me off marriage.

What she did had nothing to do with me or our marriage.

What ensures I will never marry again is that marriage binds you not necessarily to just the biased state marriage laws, but to having your future and the future of your children decided by the whim of some narcissistic, jaded “family” court judge who doesn’t really give a shit about you and your kids and doesn’t have to be held accountable for his/her “judgements”.

Your marriage does not really belong to you.

It belongs to the state legislature and the courts and the state and the courts are about as morally bereft as my XWW.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/16/2019 20:04 PM

having your future and the future of your children decided by the whim of some narcissistic, jaded “family” court judge who doesn’t really give a shit about you and your kids and doesn’t have to be held accountable for his/her “judgements”.


If you have children, wouldn't this happen regardless of whether or not you are married?

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