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Would you ever get married again?

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keptmyword posted 11/16/2019 20:33 PM

If you have children, wouldn't this happen regardless of whether or not you are married?


When it comes to children, ultimately, your children and their fate do not belong to you - they belong to state politicians and court judges - and that is very frightening.

You can be a sane, rational, responsible, honest, and caring parent and spouse.

But if you end up in court due to adultery-driven divorce (or whatever other reason), you will no longer be in control of your childrenís lives.

A court judge, who doesnít know you, your children or your STBX, will make permanent, life altering decisions for your children.

CallingSpades posted 11/16/2019 20:52 PM

Short answer, no.

It's as if he decided I wanted and needed it, made me believe in it, and then took a shit on it.

Dee - this right here. I did NOT grow up dreaming of my wedding, my future husband or kids. I had doubts about building a life with WH pretty early on. But our families wanted us to get married he wanted to have his biological kids, and eventually I thought I wanted it too. He planned the whole church ceremony, and at the time I thought, how nice. But the codependency of the whole thing is obvious in hindsight, and after DDay it's been pretty easy to consider and then stick with a decision to end it.

And - surprise - this whole lovely experience has not left me dreaming of marriage any more than before, so I'd have to say unless someone comes up with an actual concrete benefit to marriage, for both me and my children, then no. What's the point?

Would I have an exclusive committed boyfriend? Probably eventually, if I feel I've made progress on my own issues, A-related and otherwise, and could be a healthy partner. Don't want one anytime soon, that's for sure. I and my children come first and for a long while I don't want to focus on anything but us.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/17/2019 07:22 AM

Exactly, keptmyword!

There are also laws for common-law spouses. So, you don't have to be legally married to end up in court on the shit end of the stick.

Marriage is nothing more than a legally binding contract that affords the parties certain benefits under the law that they may not get otherwise, like possible tax breaks, default inheritance, and shared insurance coverage.

nightowl1975 posted 11/17/2019 08:33 AM

Iím in my mid-40ís, have all the children I want, and a successful career solidly in the top 10% of earners. What would a man bring to the table, exactly? Baggage (we all have it) and drama? No thanks. I canít imagine intermingling my finances ever again. Much less my heart. Iíve had enough heartache for a lifetime and then some.

layla1234 posted 11/17/2019 09:55 AM


self-rescuer posted 11/17/2019 10:26 AM


Was married 26 years and oh-so-happy. Then the infidelity explosion.

Iím years out from the divorce and joyfully with a wonderful man for almost five years. Moved in together 6 months ago. Very peaceful and lovely life with many shared interests and adventures.

But marry again? Why? The first go round had no teeth. The vows said meant nothing. The divorce was gutting and expensive and lasted for months.

I sound cynical but I am not. My personal understanding of marriage has changed and it is not for me.

MaggieNow1960 posted 11/17/2019 10:53 AM

Nope. Wouldn't happen. I R'd with FWH, but should anything happen to him or this marriage. NEVER AGAIN.

squid posted 11/17/2019 14:44 PM

I'm 52 now. I don't see the point in remarrying. My dad's 2nd wife asked me if I was thinking about getting married again. I was like, "Uh, I haven't even been divorced a year. Don't think so."

Even the thought of putting a pre-nup in place doesn't seem super romantic. (sarcasm)

Even if I meet someone again, it'd have to be someone pretty damn special to risk losing half of my stuff AGAIN.

Nope and No Thank You.

Driti posted 11/18/2019 07:51 AM


NeverThe Same posted 11/18/2019 12:23 PM

I donít see that ever happening. I am certain that I will never trust anyone 100% again for the rest of my life so I donít think another marriage would ever work that way.

I could see myself having someone special in my life that I cared for and loved but if we ever needed to part ways, it would be a much smoother and less painful process than leaving a marriage.

Interestingly, I think my WW would re-marry in a heartbeat when she found someone new. I donít think she could deal well with the optics of explaining why she is single, if she were to tell the truth that is.

gingerbreadman posted 11/18/2019 16:41 PM

Never will I marry again in this lifetime! I was never super excited about the idea of marriage. Mostly due to all the infidelity I observed over my life involving friends both male and female alike. I'd see couples outwardly "acting" happy and in love when all the time I knew differently.

Fenderguy posted 11/18/2019 17:28 PM

If we ever get a D, I will never marry again. Purely financial. I hope to be able to pass down a significant inheritance to my kids. I can't risk a 2nd wife getting piece of that (or the whole thing), and then potential 2nd wife's potential children possibly having access to what is rightfully my kid's inheritance. Definite NOPE.

littleAvocet posted 11/19/2019 05:53 AM

Nope. Itís meaningless to me now. The fact that Iím still Ďmarriedí after all this still makes me feel uncomfortable.

DevastatedDee posted 11/19/2019 08:41 AM

I totally get the financial reason not to. I have had to start over twice due to marriages ending and I am done with that. This one wrecked my retirement. No more. The next guy can have his own stuff and I can keep mine. This is the first time I have owned a house with only my name on the deed and mortgage and it needs to stay that way. Just the idea of doing all this again is exhausting. If I wind up starting over again, let it be because I fucked up, not because someone else dropped the ball.

lovesucks posted 11/19/2019 14:14 PM

No. Iíve been cheated on by my spouse, previous live in girlfriend, and even the girl I was dating in high school. With 3 women having proved a pattern with me on how they act, and because wedding vows seem to mean nothing anymore, I would not be willing to marry again if my wife and I ever divorced or I was widowed.

Dismayed2012 posted 11/19/2019 16:26 PM

Divorce sucks for men. If I ever do get married again it'll be after an iron-clad pre-nup is signed, sealed, and filed.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/19/2019 19:17 PM

hope to be able to pass down a significant inheritance to my kids. I can't risk a 2nd wife getting piece of that (or the whole thing), and then potential 2nd wife's potential children possibly having access to what is rightfully my kid's inheritance.

Can't you prevent this with a pre-nup and a will?

D sucks for everyone.

Ulcerboy posted 11/20/2019 13:26 PM

Another Hell No here.

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