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Hdb93 posted 12/11/2019 16:53 PM

Feeling overwhelmed with rage right now. My hands are shaking while I type. I keep going back and forth on whether to expose the AP. I have photos and videos that could destroy AP's marriage. I just don't know if I am thinking clearly. I find myself not wanting her husband to feel the way I feel. I wouldn't want the images that have been burned into my memory be burned into his. However, every fiber in my being wants her, the AP, to suffer.

AbandonedGuy posted 12/11/2019 16:58 PM

The AP's husband deserves to know. He won't be happy with you since there's a reason why we say "don't shoot the messenger", but he should know what kind of woman he's sleeping next to at night.

CatsNTats posted 12/11/2019 16:59 PM

He deserves to know. They have exposed you both to STDs/STIs. And don't tell your WH before you do it. Just do it. He also deserves to know the truth so he isn't living a lie. Don't make him suffer through that.

Most on here will tell you that exposing the A is the quickest way to end the A. It brings them right out of that affair "fog".

WhoTheBleep posted 12/11/2019 16:59 PM

Definitely inform the other betrayed spouse. He deserves to know the truth about his life. Tell him you have evidence/proof and let him decide if he would like to see it.

I'm so sorry you are here. Keep posting. Post your story in just found out forum if you are ready to share. We can help you. You will get through this.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:00 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

landclark posted 12/11/2019 17:01 PM

He deserves to know. I would tell him and offer to share the pictures and videos IF he wants them. He may not. You could warn him they’re graphic and will likely hurt a lot.

CatsNTats posted 12/11/2019 17:02 PM

Post your story and just found out if you are ready to share. We can help you.

What WTB said. Lots of great folks on here with lots of great advice and support. Please share if you are ready.

Keep us posted on how this goes Hdb93. You will be okay. Hang on tight.

destroyed1 posted 12/11/2019 17:02 PM

do NOT send him the pics or vids, unless he asks for it.

Tell him you have that type of evidence, if he wants to see it.

Give him a choice

Feeling overwhelmed with rage right now.

Dont take it out on the OBS. They are a victim too.

[This message edited by destroyed1 at 5:03 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

CatsNTats posted 12/11/2019 17:04 PM

do NOT send him the pics or vids, unless he asks for it.

100% agree. But still inform him. Then if he wants the evidence - that is up to him.

Hdb93 posted 12/11/2019 17:08 PM

Part of me wants to post the evidence all over her social media accounts. I hate how violent and cruel I feel right now...

Marz posted 12/11/2019 17:11 PM

You should inform her H ASAP but I would not publish anything. That could cause you issues on many levels.

pearlamici posted 12/11/2019 17:13 PM

We understand that you don't want to hurt someone you don't know (that's why we usually don't fuck someone elses spouse) but this is not about revenge - this is giving someone information they should have about their own life. It is best coming from you. It is best not to tell your WS before you do it. You'll be okay - tell him the way you would want to receive this information (gently and like others have said - you have proof but that is up to him if he wants to see it).

UneedToSmile posted 12/11/2019 17:15 PM

I called my WHs AP. I asked questions and told her was useless. She continued to fuck my husband. Had she been married, I would’ve definitely told her spouse. Like everyone says, he deserves to know. I’d hate to be walking around blindly. I wouldn’t put anything on Social media, tempting as it is. I just think it will complicate your situation. So sorry you’re hurting!

Jameson1977 posted 12/11/2019 17:16 PM

Totally understand the anger!

The other BS does absolutely deserve to know the truth. I wouldn't neccesarily send graphic material, just enough facts so he can make an informed decision. If he asks for the graphic material, that would be your decision.

I would definitely want to know, regardless of the pain it would cause.

emergent8 posted 12/11/2019 17:17 PM

Tell him - but don't do it out of anger, do it out of compassion. He is just like you in this, an innocent. He deserves to know.

I called OBS very shortly after I found out. I had met him on a few occasions previously. Telling him wasn't easy, at first I kept it short. "Hi OBS, it's Emergent, Mr. Emergent's wife. I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but it has recently come to my attention that Mr. Emergent and your wife have been having an affair. Mr. Emergent has confirmed that this is true. From what I have been told, it started _____ and was ongoing until at least ____. I'm still reeling and sorting out more details but I thought you deserved to know. My number is ______ if you'd like to discuss it at a later time."

Being friendly with OBS was one of my most valuable resources at the outset. We were able to compare stories and coordinate to ensure we were getting the truth from our spouses.

We no longer communicate but I know I could reach out if I ever suspected anything in the future.

Do not post the pictures or videos without speaking to him first. You will lose all credibility with OBS if you do that. Worse, AP will be able to intercept before he finds out.

3greatkids posted 12/11/2019 17:32 PM

He deserves to know. Let him know what proof you have, so he can ask for it if he wants to.

There is not much worse then not having the truth about one’s life and affairs, especially when others have the information.

I’m sorry you are going through this.

whattheh posted 12/11/2019 17:39 PM

I would check your state's revenge porn laws before sending any photos or videos that might be covered under that. In my state the AP or my WH could have filed charges against me if they so wished had I sent out anything of a pornographic nature.

But it's definitely a good idea to make sure OBS is made aware of the A etc. if you feel it's safe to do so.

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:41 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

CatsNTats posted 12/12/2019 01:03 AM

Hdb, more info on what has happened may help people on here to better advise you on what to do with the information you have. People can also give you advise on what direction to take and next steps to help you through this.

I know you are angry, but don't play all your cards and post it all over social media - chances are it will just be pulled and if it is of a graphic nature you may get in trouble. Distribution of certain things in certain areas may be considered a crime even if that is not your intent.

pureheartkit posted 12/12/2019 04:36 AM

Do not post the graphic content. The AP deserves to get some hurt but this could come back to bite you legally. My WS AP knows this was the reason I did not shame her. She knows I wanted to. She knows I was that angry.

Then she kept texting, calling my WS anyway even after knowing how upset I was. So why put yourself at risk over a broken person who is only thinking of themself?

If you want to contact other BS, do so without guilt.

20yrsagoBS posted 12/12/2019 06:02 AM

By all means, let the slut’s spouse know. Save the evidence should they ask for proof.

99lawdog99 posted 12/12/2019 06:08 AM

I'd do it.

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