SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not intentionally but ever since I got cheated on, my laid back nature has turned into a more controlling antagonism towards others, especially women. I was passive before, beta to the bone, now I dream of confrontation. I want someone to insult me or hurt me so I can go off on them. I think of my sweet GF that would never cheat, I always have thoughts of her telling me she cheated on me so I could throw her out and never speak to her again. I like her passive nature and how I feel so strong around her.

The other night I was checking out reddit and perusing the Red Pill pages and I really started identifying with them. Yet I'm the nicest guy on the outside, you would never believe it. Beneath something is boiling. Its always been there, but now its lit. I feel like I'm on roids half the time. Not looking for help really (I hate IC), just enjoying the transformation.

Lol, Randy, i’ve long assumed you were a fan of that forum. If your sweet girlfriend read that forum, do you think she’d want to be thought of the way they do there? If she knew what red pill meant, would she want to be in a relationship with a red pill male?

[This message edited by sassylee at 3:46 PM, January 30th (Tuesday)]

Not looking for help really (I hate IC), just enjoying the transformation.

Really? You want to be a Red Pill Male? If so I feel very sorry for your girlfriend.

I’m all for exercise, eating right, and nutrition. I’m all for increasing ones self esteem. However, there is no need to add selfish a-hole to the equation. People are not objects to be used.

You don’t have to be a beta male, nor do you have to be a dick. Just be yourself, but with a spine.

Hey Randy, you say it straight so I will too...

I see your replies and sometimes think you need some IC to deal with your bitterness and resentment toward romantic relationships. It might help you move on and release some anger.

I get it, I started reading some of that stuff shortly after DD. I definitely was the "nice guy" and never controlling and never making decisions for us. I always deferred to her needs. If anything reading that stuff has helped me take my life back into my own hands.

Yes working on yourself (reading, gym, nutrition, hobbies) are necessary but there was something that seemed really off with those guys. Their completely ego eccentric and just complete dicks. They have no care in the world except their own personal gratification. If you ever want to be in another love relationship you can't develop that state of mind. It's one thing to become a strong individual, it's a completely different thing to be a narcissistic asshole who uses women as sex objects.

I think some of the red pill stuff is spot on. I identify with a lot of it too.

I lift, watch what I eat, excel at my chosen profession (STEM related), and strive for self improvement. I have a few interesting hobbies and I read as much as I can. I have a few good male friends. I've travelled quite a bit and lived in various parts of the US. I'm taller than average and never had any problems getting laid in high school or college. I ran the household (wore the pants). I wasn't hen pecked or lorded over by a woman.

My wife still cheated on me. The AP sure as hell wasn't more "alpha" than me, quite the opposite actually. Shorter than me, skinny fat, less money, less education, less intelligent, and she claims his dick was smaller. She cheated because she was pissed off at me and the dude doted on her. She loved the constant praise and attention. He never said anything negative to her or disagreed with her. In fact, she was "creeped out" by the guy (coworker) but he constantly praised and complimented her for some time (year or two) and, during a stressful time in our marriage, she cheated with him. Gave him just enough pussy to keep the attention flowing. They had sex 10 times over 6-7 months even though they worked together, lunches, etc. She has begged and pleaded to stay with me even though I've treated her like shit, tossed her out a few times, used hall passes, spend money however I want, do whatever I want without consulting her. She initiates sex more than me. We also have a lot of sex. She's given up assets via post nup too.

So the hypergamy thing didn't really work as described in my situation. My deal does not fit the red pill pattern at all. I also don't believe all women are conniving whores. The red pill stuff really let's women off the hook for any personal accountability.

I do think divorce is skewed in a woman's favor. I do think the false rape stuff is fucking crazy right now. I do know I would never get married again. I have done the casually date multiple women thing when I was younger. I much prefer a committed relationship with one woman. I like the deeper connection and intimately knowing that person. I enjoy the gender role stuff of a marriage. Maybe that makes me blue pill or beta or whatever.

OMG, stop with the beta, alpha crap.

You are you, you have a soul, you are not what others try to put a label on.

You a good man with compassion and empathy?

Think for yourself.

Don't judge everyone by some other ideology that reduces people to less than.

You are better than that.

PS: I have read some very dehumanizing, degrading and truly hateful things they say about ALL women on their sites.

I believe that the understanding of male-female dynamics espoused (or is that un-spoused?) by Red Pillers is accurate, but that their use of such information to abuse and use women is immoral. An understanding of male-female dynamics should instead be used by a man to be a better husband and servant to his family. Even when asserting “alpha” characteristics he should be the kind of leader that puts his children and mate first. He *serves* because he is strong — not because he is weak.

Red Pillers generally use their information and beliefs to manipulate women to further their own purposes. They are male but not men. And are therefore contemptible.

[This message edited by PlanC at 5:10 PM, January 30th (Tuesday)]

There is some truth to the Alpha/Beta crap though. Women biologically do have two mating strategies. One is short term (most healthy strong male) and a long term (most caring provider) strategy. 1-3% of men are taking care of some other man's baby because of this.

1-3% of men are taking care of some other man's baby because of this.

Men and women both get used by people of the opposite sex.

Many Wives see their H father other children while still married to them. And pay child support to the other.

Many wives are left for other women weather married long or short term. After supporting them in all endeavors too and being faithful.

It works both ways.

The red pill stuff really let's women off the hook for any personal accountability.

In my opinion, this is the hidden aspect to RP that people don't really acknowledge. If this is all just how women are, why expect them to be any different? If she cheats, that means it's your fault, right? For not being alpha enough? For not doing x, y, or z? And if you did, I guess it wasn't alpha enough or you're lacking in other areas.

The other issue is if you play by the RP handbook, negging women and treating them like they're disposable and need to vie for your attention, you only attract the type of women who are insecure and need copious amounts of validation. You essentially create the very thing RP espouses because any healthy woman isn't going to hear that backhanded compliment and think, "I need to try harder for his attention." She's going to think, "What an asshole. I'm out of here." It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Randy, if you want to live life having ONS and very short term, high sexual gratification relationships, maybe RP is for you. But if you want to keep your sweet GF, you will need to make some changes one way or another or your new found perspective will either hurt her or scare her away.

I also have to say if you believe the female BSes of SI, then that alone is proof that many women don't fall into the RP stereotypes. They don't deserve that label.

I was wondering if this would ever come up. Let's just start with my personal experience; yes, the RP is real, and, if you embody the concepts, you will have more women agree to have sex with you. Full stop; as much as I don't want it to be true, I've done it, I've been that guy, and, yes, women respond to it positively, at least for one night stands/short term relationships.

So, here's the thing they don't tell you. As another poster said, I'm more "alpha" than beta after dropping the RP pretenses (which is basically "go pure alpha"). Wife still cheated on me. The thing they don't tell you is that no matter what you are, alpha/beta, your partner will seek out the other. A controlling egoist who takes charge in the bedroom and generally "controls" their life. Your spouse will seek the opposite in the AP, someone they can control and who "submits" to them. If you're beta to the bone, letting your wife walk all over you, placating her every wish, you'll find a Harley in the yard and a "pure alpha" in your bedroom.

Nobody can be everything. For short term relationships, alpha is clearly superior; but, then again, my W's AP got in her pants using the "I want to be your friend" line a very beta way to approach a woman.

I found it useful for understanding what women want short term, very unhelpful in trying to keep a relationship healthy.

Daniel-san

Wax on....wax off.

I'm alpha.

That's why I dumped her.

The Red Pill guys spend their whole lives blaming women for their own personality flaws. If behaving a "certain way" was so effective, the forums would disappear due to lack of need. And members.

Know who you are and have strong boundaries.

There is no pill for that.

If you came up with one OIN, you’d be a billionaire!

I'm alpha.

That's why I dumped her.

So what does that make men (or women for that fact) who stayed to try and R?

Inferior?

I don't think so.

Dup post, oops

[This message edited by shiloe at 8:59 PM, January 30th (Tuesday)]

Randy- you’re better than that.

Rideitout as usual did a good job hitting the nail on the head. Alpha or beta or whatever label we deem ourselves, people cheat for more than just that dynamic, and tend to seek the opposite in their AP. Someone who validates their bullshit. I’m not a classically defined beta by any means. college athlete, great paying finance job, outspoken , never really had a problem getting women, but my wife cheated with someone of lower social stature than me. I’m not perfect, but he was just as manipulated as she she was. When I slept with other women after her dday, I went for fiesty trouble makers, assertive bad girls, opposite of My sweet and doting, submissive leaning wife. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to put a 45 hollow point through the OM for thinking he could disrespect me, I digress, but I see them for what they were: weak and pathetic.

There is obviously some biological truths to mating patterns in humans. The reason men OFTEN favor large breasts in women and wide hips- (good for rearing offspring)... or how women OFTEN favor confident and stronger men, (protection), and red pill Is just an extreme variant of these kinds of truths. Sure alpha and beta are real, but i capitalized “often” for a reason it depending on whose opinion! Some women have the hots for brains...some have the hots for braun, some for chubby guys, some for muscle... it’s all relative. Some guys like short girs, some prefer sassy women, some prefer sumbissive.. etc etc you get my point.

My point is not to say that being confident, decisive, outspoken and strong aren’t attractove qualities to have. I’m saying that those guys on red pill often Feign those things because they don’t come naturally. That’s insecurity, and as a result they disrespect ALL women. Look I’m all for being callous, and not taking a women with bad morals seriously or accepting their bullshit . In fact indon’t take itfrom anybody, man or woman.. But that doesn’t be mean I treat everyone women like that. I love women, need them, and respect the good ones. I beleive in being myself, for better or for worse, And that’s always worked for me. That’s the difference... you have to not be jaded, and not hate ALL women.