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My wife had to go overseas to Nepal, where she is from originally, to have her affair. She and her other douchebag had sex in hotels in Kathmandu and Pokhara (the city of her birth, a few hours west of Kathmandu). And something he said in one of his FB messenger chats with her hinted that they may have done some hanky-panky in his car in the alleyways of Kathmandu on many occasions. She never confessed everything to me.

Before she left home to fuck this guy, she had explicit video chats with him, where they showed each other private parts and engaged in mutual masturbation. She has given me what I now recognize to be the typical cheating wife's line that she didn't know what to do or how to handle it when she was video chatting with him and he unzipped his pants and whipped it out for her, and it was so unexpected and awkward. I'm sure some of this took place in our bedroom.

Before she left the country to see him, she tried with my help to get him to come here to our house. He is such a fuck-up, though, that he couldn't even get a tourist visa even though Nepal is very friendly with the United States. I have no doubt that if he came here, they would have banged in our bedroom.

And of course, she gave me the line that he was so small, she couldn't even feel it. Another standard item from the cheating wife's what-to-say-after-your-husband-finds-out checklist. Lol.

[This message edited by OneLittleVictory at 1:34 PM, July 30th (Monday)]

Boomer, that is a tough story. You must have the worlds greatest attitude. They did all that and you can find a reason to laugh. I am close to 7 years out and I cant find one thing to laugh or smile about from that whole period.

I just hope you don't internalize so much that it all explodes one day.

They had sex in her vagina and her mouth.

That’s nauseating enough.

Waitedwaytoolong

My attitude and the way I’m handling it absolutely amazes me. I’ve had bad anger issues in the past and when I initially found out, I was ready to lose it. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions but the main thing that’s getting me through it is my son.

Don’t get me wrong the physical part and all that happened hurts like hell but it’s not what I’m dwelling on the most. Surprisingly getting these details as early as I did is helping. It’s not like that for everyone but it was me.

Is there going to be a time when the rage hits me again? More than likely. All I can do is pray I am able to control those emotions like I have been. Talking to people and doing physical work is helping a lot.

Being able to laugh? Well laughter has helped me through a lot of tough times in my life and this is just going to be another one. I haven’t laughed a whole lot but the little I have helps.

[This message edited by Boomer45 at 7:33 PM, July 30th (Monday)]

I have read all your posts but nobody sems to have the same situation as I have.

My husband had a taste for Massage parlours.

This started in

China

Korea

Vietnam

Then moved on to massage parlours in our home city

then moved on to "massage therapists" who worked out of their homes- at least 8 as I can see from phone records.

Apparently only hand jobs and a "few" blowjobs. Occasional touching.

Anyhow, no cars or alleyways for my husband. Nope, he chose to travel across the world for his jollies--and paid for it as well! When he wasn't travelling well, he missed them too much so found himself nice soft hands at home. Problem is, they weren't mine....

over 10 years, at least 600-700 times

It’s more like where didn’t they have sex ...

His office

His car

Her condo

Hotels

Plus, he visits whorehouses overseas, so there is that too ...

Zamboni,

Nice to see I have company when it comes to whorehouses. My husband calls them massage parlours.

Is he downplaying or are they actually two different things?

Can you believe we are talking about this?

I know I am either screwed up or it will hit me later but these details didn't bother me as much. For some reason the physical side of it wasn't what hurt the most. It was the emotional connection. Don't get me wrong, it hurts like crazy that my wife was deceiving me this whole time but the actual physical act of sex does not hit me as hard as the other stuff.

I'm the same way, I think (most of the time). The physical aspect is complicated by the fact that she withheld sex from me for long stretches of our marriage, it was a tool she used for control. I also think the emotional and physical aspect combined makes it difficult to separate the two... I feel like I could handle one without the other much better. (as in, she was emotionally unfaithful but at least they didn't consummate it... or she just had sex but didn't care about him) Who knows. The deception and disrespect is the worst part though. I suppose those are present regardless of what type of affair it is.

I know exactly what you're saying. If it was just physical with no emotional connection, or the other way around, it would be so much easier.

Hey Shocked ...

No, he couldn't downplay it because I caught him red-handed. He traveled overseas (Sydney) where prostitution is legal apparently ... so whorehouses there are everywhere just like Starbucks are here in the US ... who knew you could order up a whore just like a latte?

I called a PI over there to confirm how common they are ...

I found the whorehouse in his browsing history and then the taxi receipt taking him to that exact address so "intention and opportunity" as my attorney would say prove he did. It's not likely his guardian angel suddenly showed up or his conscience kicked in and he just couldn't go in. Nope, not my cheater.

You can call these places whatever you want -- maybe in the US they are marketed as "gentleman's massage parlors" but give me a break. At least in Sydney they market it as a whorehouse ... I mean I guess you could get a massage there too, but my WH is the kind of guy that likes to get the most bang for his buck!!!

Yes, Shocked this is just all too much to process. I am sorry you are here.

Shocked123

A whorehouse and massage parlor are the same things.

It is like saying slut for other man or other woman.

You will also here the cheater called a "John" or "hobbyist" to make what they are doing seem nicer.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 10:20 AM, July 31st (Tuesday)]

Thank you for clarifying about whorehouses and massage parlours.

Apparently these facilities are quite nice in Asia. My H assures me the ones he went to were high end and very clean. Good to know.

Apparently you shower when you get there and you shower after.

Also good to know he was clean when they were performing these acts. Wouldn't want him to be dirty for the whores.

I am so angry.

Apparently these facilities are quite nice in Asia. My H assures me the ones he went to were high end and very clean. Good to know.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. First off, no, they are not "that common" even in places where they are allowable. I've been quite a few places where it's legal and I've never seen one, you'd have to seek them out.

Also, especially in Asia, this behavior is very common/accepted for business professionals. THIS DOES NOT make it right. But I've known guys who've gone there and done business in those types of places. It's like going to an expensive dinner is here, especially when Americans are coming in because their hosts realize it's not legal here and that it's a common thing guys enjoy. Which would be fine if all of them weren't married. But the culture is just very different there, I'd be very wary of my H doing "high level" business in these countries, they are going to be exposed to it, almost without question. Some people decline, some don't. But the temptation is pretty darn high in that situation for a lot of guys, it's just not a good scene for a married man to hang out in.

Shocked ... this is the first time I have laughed in a long time. A high end whorehouse / massage parlor!! Are they are rated on Trip Advisor?

If it makes you feel any better, when I confronted my WH and told him he was in essence supporting human trafficking, he looked at me and said, "No, its not like that at all. Those girls were all well-educated."

Sometimes I feel like I am on another planet when I speak to him.

At her house and that sucks for her because unless she has a way to erase memories, her room will be forever tainted. I hope she walks in everyday and feels triggered. I know that sounds mean but it would feel good to know I wasn’t the only one dealing with triggers. Actually come to think about it, when my FWH moved out and into a place right nearby her house, I had a god laugh when we were in R and she said she know has to drive by the place he lived in for five whole days and has to be reminded of him. Poor thing. 🙄

In our house, in motels, and I have good reason to suspect in the car in a gravel road. No other reason for gps to stop at such odd places for an extended time. They also had a code word for it

Rideitout and Zamboni, thanks for your responses.

Yes, I know it is commonplace. Very sad that this culture has such low morals. These men who take their customers to these places know perfectly well they have wives. That does not excuse the men who don't resist of course but there are other things that could impress their clients in their country.

Sadly, is that all Asia has to offer?

With the exception of the very strong, very remorseful, and very FEW – if my gut feeling is right…

How would we ever know?

Where exactly they had sex I mean.

So I am told, mow would go to his workplace after closing and they would bang and he’d get bj in the office on his chair and then move it to the floor sometimes. Very classy, on her back or knees on a dirty office floor (where she belongs).

Mow supposedly tried to invite him to her home when her husband was working or away and even hinting to come to our home! but it seems my cheater had some level of moral fibre left in him that he thought it was a terrible, disgusting idea and always ignored it. I think it partially made him realise how low it and mow would go.

Sometimes I wish he’d met up somewhere else like a motel or backstreet because it has caused an issue between us where I refuse to step foot in there again. He misses me helping out but I can’t sit in a room where that went on.

I felt so good about myself that I cock blocked a bunch of high school kids in the days after and felt I accomplished my mission. Only to find out now, I failed miserably lol.

Boomer45,

I so appreciate you sharing your humour with us. To be fair, you did accomplish your mission, just not the secret adult mission which was unbeknownst to you. For all you know, you saved some grads from STD transmission or unplanned pregnancies that night, so good on ya!

As for my WH, he had A LOT of sex. They all took place in his APs cars or work vehicles (classy) and occasionally at the home of his APs. He denies any interactions in our personal vehicles or our home and was almost offended when I asked. He said "No! What I did was very wrong, but to do it in our home or car? Those are lines I wouldn't cross"...but 500 times in someone else's car/home is A-OK! WTH is wrong with people?

[This message edited by hopeandhealing at 12:05 AM, August 1st (Wednesday)]