SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

REALLYPISSED

Is the OW white or ethnic?

I am just saying that because from some very recent experience there was a child born that looked like it had to be in part from some dark skinned parents because the father although part latin was mainly white. Blonde haired blue eyed mother of the father and the childs mom was half white as well and the child came out looking very dark. We all thought for sure she had to have mistaken the bio father of the child but no the dna test was done and the child looks part black.

SO they added it all up and the child is more than half white background but looks totally not.

I honestly have never seen this before but if your OW is part any dark race, be weary. I dont want you to be blown away just in case.

But I do have faith that your H is NOT the father. Sometimes you as the wife just know.

Having a bad day, for no special reason. The mediators sessions went pretty well, although H, me, and FOW were never in the room at the same time. SHE couldn't stand it.

H saw OC for an hour with FOW's mother present. Arrangement is for the next visit to be at the day care center, H and me to see baby, without FOW.

Still have no trust that they will do the "right" thing if they're alone. And H is going along with my decision to not have that happen. But any contact, even by phone or email, is painful. I hear about those contacts from H, who's made it clear to FOW that I am privy to all contacts.

Mediators felt that she was accepting that they will not ever be together and have a happy family like she had always hoped. I think she may be snowing them some. But as long as H continues to make it clear that we are a team and that he's the dad and I'm the stepmom, it should sink in eventually.

We shall see. Hard to deal with OC feelings at the same time as dealing with all the s**t from the infidelity itself.

Just venting some. Thanks for listening.

25wimsey and others

how are you doing?

the OW in my case hasn't had the kid yet, think due in april sometime. beginning to get very nervous about it all.

haven't heard anything as far as i know but , the usual story, don't trust that to continue once OC is born.

any advice is welcome.

My H got served at his job with child support papers from the state today and they haven't even done the DNA test. Is that F*CKED up or what? They just took OW's word that OC is his or something. No one has called him or sent him ANYTHING to see if he objects to this or not. We've tried to call her case worker ALL day, but she just so happens to be out of the office. Very conveinent(sp?) HUH? Just having a VERY bad day!!! Sorry to rant!!

April, I'm so sorry! I don't know how it works in your state but in NY you can prove paternity in one of three ways: admission in writing, DNA testing or (get this) if you pay any money (it's considered an admission). The burden is on the OW to start the court proceedings by suing for paternity and child support. Then the DNA testing/negotiation begin.

Pretty shitty of her to serve him at work. You can usually serve someone via registered mail and it's a heck of a lot cheaper.

Can you countersue her? We're considering that as an option. (OC in our case isn't born yet.) However, I'm all over countersuing for anything and everything including full physical custody. That will send the bitch over the edge.

Sorry about the mini rant. I really hate her...

Anyway, run to your lawyer and find out what your rights are, especially if you and H already have kids.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Hugs...

Wow how do you handle the court costs?

the counter suing and all?

Hi All, haven't written in a while but have been lurking. My H's court date for Paternity Acknowledgement and to start CS hearing is approaching. Our PI was unable to place the bitch out of state, but also cannot legally put her living where she sued, so the first thing our attny is going to do is attempt to move the venue to where she does have a legal address. That may delay things a bit.

OW sent us the most absurd CS settlement agreement, demanding 50% of my H's take home salary, plus, plus, plus, and all the control, sole custody, blah, blah, blah. She wanted a $1million life insurance policy on my H, with her as the trustee!! Talk about a get rich quick scam! Was she planning to knock him off next?

Anyways, we countered with a settlement that is the complete opposite of what she sent. We acknowledge that the statuary court required CS is 17% of 80,000, however, because my H has a wife and 2 kids to support it should be less. No other expenses except a portion of child care. We should be able to win not paying any extra education expenses, because my two kids go to public school, don't do camp, so this kid isn't really entitled to more, unless she wants to pay for it.

The best part is my H had the attny include he doesn't want visitation and custody now but reserves the right to ask for it later. If visitation should happen, only through an intermediary, and all discussion through attnys only. Should she die or become disabled, my H asked for immediate custody!

The bitch has acted like the slighted wife for so long, I hope this agreement wakes her ass up a bit!

[This message edited by twokidsmomny at 8:14 AM, March 18th (Saturday)]

Twokids- I hope everything works out for you and your H Monday. His OW must be CRAZY asking for that much!!!

My H's hearing is on the 20th, we are requesting a DNA test and then we'll go from there. We have NO problem paying CS but if the child is his, we do want visitation. OW wants me to have no contact at all with the child. She says that it is not my responsibilty or problem. She should've thought about that before she happily spread her legs!! IMHO! These next few months are going to be very HARD on us, ME especially!! I'm due in May with our second child and I'm really ready for this shit with OW/OC to be settled. I'm only 23 years old and I refuse to live the rest of my life with all of this bullsh*t!!!

Phoebe - right now countersuing for us is not an issue. OW hasn't sued yet. OC is due in May (by my calculations). It's up to her to cast the first stone (so to speak). At this point I'm still so angry w/ her that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make her pay. The best way I know to do that is to have H threaten to countersue for 100% physical custody and CS from her. Background - her parents are divorced and she is an attention hound. Her father is a drunk (we have witnesses) and she has sent H enough emails for us to definitely imply she's not mentally stable. She's the one who insisted she wanted this OC "because it may be my only opportunity to have a baby". Gee...if you weren't such an alley cat spreading your legs for anyone then maybe you COULD have found a nice guy...? Anyway, we are unfortunately in limbo which is the hardest place to be b/c you keep saying to yourself "what if"...

TKM - please keep us informed about what happens on Monday. OW in our case is in NYC as well so I'm very very interested in what judge tells you on Monday.

April - It's ironic that you're protrayed as the "bad guy" and to keep away from "her child" when all you did was keep your marriage vows! I swear sometimes I think people should have to pass a test before being allowed to procreate! Good luck with the courts and please keep us informed. There may be something we can use!

Couple of other quick notes...OW and her father have been banned from the restaurant where we met her! I found out from a friend of the owners! They want us to come back (it's off limits) b/c they said we're family! That made me feel good. Been thinking about "taking back" the place but am not quite up to it yet. However, I feel a tremendous amount of support hearing that the whore will have to find a new stomping ground!

Did anyone see the story online about the guy from MI (I think) who's suing to get out of paying CS to his pregnant woman? If you're interested, PM me and I'll share the link.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Seems the OW takes offense at what I write. I will not be responding anymore so as not to feed the beast. Seems as if she wants to pass herself off as the wronged person when she should just stay out of my business. This is my place to heal and to discuss things that are close to my heart and she's trying to take that away from me. So I will not fuel the fire anymore. I'm sure that she will find something else to complain about when I no longer post here because it seems as if that is her nature.

May she never have to go through what she has put me through. And if she does, I hope that she remembers me and that life always comes full circle!

[This message edited by scorpio1 at 11:09 PM, March 13th (Monday)]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060309/ap_on_re_us/fatherhood_suit;_ylt=A

All,

The MOD gave me permission to post this link. It's related to men paying child support for children they did not want. It's currently an issue in the courts and is a very interesting topic.

I'm curious to know your thoughts. Thanks.

BW

I feel that some men do get into situations where the woman tells them they can't get pregnant or are on the pill. And we all know that no contraceptive is 100% foolproof. But if a woman knows that the man does not want to have a kid with her, her choice should be based on whether she can afford said child and raise it on her own. Then yes, she should offer the man the ability to sign over his parental rights.

It is true that woman hold all the cards and don't give men a choice. In this day and age of transient relationships, men shouldn't be held accountable for a child if the man has previously stated to the woman that he does not want a child with her.

And it doesn't necessarily mean that if a man opts out of supporting a child that that child would be a burden on society. There are many women who make the choice to become single parents and are able to afford that choice.

Child support is such a small part of what is needed to sustain the child, so a woman should be able to financially support the child.

But what about men who are married and don't want children? Would that go for them too?

I was just discussing this about the man in MI.

I think its all well and fine but not for a married man and his wife because the contract he signed goes along with all the children he makes with his wife... otherwise why get married, mainly to bring children into the world and procreate.

BW

Now for this little words of "wisdom" from your OW lol:

"because it may be my only opportunity to have a baby".

If you can tell her without putting it in writing or were it can be recorded lol you should say your right thats exactly what we are going to do and why, IT MAY just scare her off.

I am so sick of this Oc ow bull crap.

Heck that would be an interesting discussion about wether Men should have a say in not paying for a child they did not want , How many women would actually have the child if the man could just walk away with out further contact. NO MEAL ticket, or thing to hold over the mans head to keep him in her life. I wish it would set some sort of presidence like roe v wade.

I know married men cant very well say this but the men that choose to not marry a girl they are dating or encountered briefly and get stuck in a situation they had no control over.

BW-thanks for the link. It will be interesting to see if this gets anywhere in the courts. Morally and ethically, a man should have the right to terminate his parental rights-just as the mother does.

But unfortunately, I don't think the courts are going to allow such a thing to happen because of the financial fall-out. Especially any republican government. If every father who is duped into a kid can give up his rights, TANF and welfare will skyrocket. As much as the lawmakers would like to make us believe that they are doing what is right for kids - they are really looking out for the budget - more dads paying CS eases the govt burden. Its all about economics, not about morality.

I agree with all three of you! I think it's an interesting topic, especially from my view point. Here I am, the wronged party, who either has to accept or reject a child that was probably created by my husband. I have a choice. Possibly my H doesn't. It's not fair in my opinion, especially b/c the lying tramp in our situation swore she was on the Pill and wouldn't get pregnant. My H fell for it. He told her all along that he was not leaving me and that what they had was not a relationship. I honestly believe that she fully expected him to come running to her when she said she was pregnant b/c, in her mind they HAD a relationship and she was going to have his child and he didn't have any with me so why does he have to stay with me?

The whole situation, and the fact that OW are in charge, is completely f-ed up.

Anyway, I'm glad I was able to share some info via this link. I'll be watching the news. It may not go anywhere but perhaps it will make it harder for the OW to get oodles of CS $$.

Have a nice Sunday night all!

I stayed home today, my H is sitting waiting for court. We decided that I would not go, because truth be told, I do not think I could help myself from punching the OW bitch in the face. My H is emailing me from his bberry.

It is just so unjust. The bitch makes a salary better than most women. Yes, my H makes more than her, but she certainly does not need his money to support this kid, she just wants it. And because the court is designed to keep the welfare load down, and to make father's pay in a divorce situation, we are stuck paying, and the OW can take advantage.

april - I am coming to realize it is never over, although perhaps it will lessen over time. Our lives are so forever dramatically changed-and as the BW-I cannot control it, but certainly made no actions to make this happen.

When working on the agreement my H said if the OW were to drop dead tomorrow (wouldn't that be nice!), he would want sole custody to have me adopt the child. God, I do not want another kid!!! Everytime I see a 1 or 2 year old with their folks, I freak, but also say to myself, not me, I'm done with babies. My kids too old for this sh*t!! I am also afraid that I couldn't treat the kid fairly, always blaming his bitch of a mom, even if I am able to keep that action to myself, it will still pop into my head.

My H feels bad this kid is growing up w/o a dad, what I said to him is that is not his fault, it is hers--she should have thought of that before she slept with him.

I'm tired...

[This message edited by twokidsmomny at 8:17 AM, March 18th (Saturday)]

TKM - sending you a great big bear hug and an OW Happy Dance update in the hope that you'll smile...

Found out on Friday that the OW in our case...

1. Apparently hasn't told her father who the father of the unborn OC is. IMO she knows she'll catch hell from her family.

2. OW and her drunk of a father have been banned from "our" restaurant b/c of OW's behavior. Owners love us, miss us and want us to come back. So...in a show of solidarity they've banned her and her father.

I know it's not much but the scraps above are a feast to me! Hoping the karma bus repeats the route!

Hugs to you all,

BW

2kids

i hope it all went well.

Btrayedwife I am very happy 4 u, i would go 2 that restuarant often just because LOL

Hi All,

It is too late to write, as I had to work today. Court went okay, not the way we thought, and we have much to consider.

We really thought she would have left and moved out of state, but that is not so. We need to consider what relationship we want with this OC...I am too tired now to think of it.

All I know is that the OW is one angry bitch, acting like a childish spoiled brat. What she doesn't know is that she is dealing with another angry woman! Or perhaps she does and is taking this on as some kind of personal battle, against me too. Although that would be dumb, because there was never any contest between us anyways. My H only slept with her because she was easy-and he was horny. He never cared for her, said to me that he couldn't stand her because she talked too much. Again, that mistake of an easy lay is something he will live with for the rest of his life, he's apologized to me plenty, and is working on forgiving himself. How WE deal with it together is another matter.

Some hugs to him and me would be great. Keep trucking...life is complicated.

ARGGGHHHH!!! I am so mad that I can't think today.

Yesterday in court the bitch's attny told the magistrate that "we live an luxurious life style" and "all children should be entitled to the same std of living!!" She lied about my H's salary, she is not even close, and they did not get the opportunity to show proof. She will get a wake-up call when she see the truth.

Yeah, my H makes decent money, but it doesn't meet expenses-never has, and we certainly don't live luxuriously. I have a very small house in a moderate neighborhood, kids go to public school and we can't afford camp! When I worked we used "family, i.e. grandpa" daycare cause that's all we could afford on my measly salary.

I'm not sure what she thinks she is entitled to, but you can't get blood from a stone.

Thanks for listening to as BW puts it "my mini rant". More later probably.