SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Goose 'em, I'm so sorry. I wish there were some way we could reach through the computer, like someone said, and give you strength and calmness.

You'll get through this, and as for your question how people R after this, some don't. No one says you have to.

GOOSE

Please, please, please SEE A LAWYER if you have not already done so. DO IT IMMEDIATELY. FInd out what a D involves, because brother, you probably will have to file.

Don't think your wife will be different and immediately remorseful. She has been planning the betrayal and she is not going to give up her drug (Affair) without a fight.

SEE A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY.

Do not confront without a voice activated recorder or some documentation of how the confrontation went.

Save a copy of all proof to someplace where she cannot get it.

We will be praying for you.

CAN ANYONE MAKE IT THOUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS????? I SEE 0% CHANCE!!!!!

Yes. It is extremely difficult but it can be done. My FWH had a LTA that lasted for 5 years. He brought MOW into our home and fucked her in the guest room and filmed it. They stayed up late at night exchanging x-rated e-mails about what they wanted to do to each other. The only reason we are still together is that he was immediately remorseful and has worked his ass off to make things better. If your wife is willing to do this hard work, there is a chance for your M. The "good" news is that you don't have to decide right now. I won't lie, R is the single most difficult thing that I have ever done. You need to walk through hell before you can make it.

One idea is to create a Hotmail/Gmail account and simply send yourself a post exposing the affair. Confront her with that as the basis for the accusation, saying it came from an old friend or an anonymous tip-off. Or how has she been financing the affair? Can you confront her with phone-bills and/or bank statements?

I like this idea. I was "lucky" enough to OWH give me all the evidence that I needed in a letter with copies of cell logs and e-mails. You could tell her that you got an anonymous tip-off that caused you to go into detective mode. Tell her that you know she is having and affair with a MM. When she protests and says it isn't true and asks how you know etc, say, "It doesn't matter how I know, I know." Then focus on what you require for her to stay married to you.

I couldn't trust myself to confront my FWH verbally because I knew I would be a puddle on the floor. I wrote him a letter instead. I told him that OWH had written me a letter with proof of a LTA with MOW. I told him how devastated that I was. I said that I was willing to try to R if he met my conditions: NC letter, STD testing, complete transparency, passwords to everything, closing of any e-mail accounts that they used, change phone number, etc. I wrote that he was free to go if he did not want to meet my conditions and I would file for D the next day. I meant it and he knew it.

Sometimes and A is a dealbreaker for the BS. That is perfectly understandable and no one will fault you if you decide you can't R. Remember it is not your fault. Just make sure that you DO NOT SETTLE for anything less than what you want.

I'm pulling for you

I have already seen a lawyer and found one that I like.

I will record our conversation on my iphone.

I really don't think I can remain calm. Why is that important?

I even bought my wife an Audi. I want to smash that car into 500 pieces...She loves it so much.

goose'em, You DO NOT have to remain calm. My MC told us how when she learned of an affair her husband had, she paced the house wailing and crying for a long time. It is a necessary part of your healing.

I believe the "remain calm" comes form a place of, "If you want to have her see that you are serious...don't let her know she's hurt you...yadda, yadda" which I do not hold to at all.

Of course she has hurt you!

Goose, I have been sitting quitely and watching.

One, I am sorry.

Two, remaining calm scares them more than the anger.

Three - you are so strong to keep your shit together, just a little longer and its done.

Good luck man, stay calm, and stick it to her! CALMLY

The BH of my WH's FOW told me he had bought her a Mercedes...I know. It hurts and SUCKS ASS t know you have done all of the nice things for such a skank!

Hope i'm not too late. Get a recorder and have it on you when you confront. A record of what she says AND does is ALWAYS a good idea and could protect you if things REALLY "go south!"

Man, I'm sorry for you! BTDT and it IS like a little bit of hell on earth!

Don't want to heap more shit on you but...any texts from the personal trainer? In your 1st posting you mentioned 2 guys. Sorry to bring it up but maybe you should keep your eyes peeled for OM#2.

[This message edited by cuckhold at 3:43 PM, February 28th (Monday)]

I know you're busy peeling yourself off the ceiling but have you read up on "The Fog?" The articles on "The Fog" is the most informative thing I think I have read on this site. It shows how the person you thought you knew has become this raging addict, complete other person who only looks like the person you thought you knew.

How the HELL can people R? after this???????

THIS IS NOT A ONE NIGHT STAND. THIS IS THE WHOLE THING. THIS IS EVIL AT THE CORE!!

THIS IS PLANNED...LYING CHEATING ETC ETC?? THIS SHIT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR MONTHS!! MONTHS!!!!!!!

WTF?????

CAN ANYONE MAKE IT THOUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS????? I SEE 0% CHANCE!!!!!

OMG>>>> I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!

WH had a 2.5 year affair with a coworker. They were friends of ours. We spent time together, vacationed together, etc. They had sex in my home. He lied and gaslighted me about their relationship for over 1.5 years. He treated me like shit and gave her his best for almost 3 years.

We are in R.

How do people do it? Some don't. Why should anyone have to?

I am confident that if at any point I decide I have had enough, I could end it, and no one could judge me. That applies whether I had decided never to try R the first time, or a year from now.

The same applies to you. Do what you think is right for you when you know what that is. That is all we can ask of ourselves and that is pretty much what every BS does, whether their decision is R, D, or some form of limbo until they get their feet under them.

You have shown incredible strength in dealing with your suspicions. You will be okay no matter what happens.

(((goose-em)))

So sorry! Get your conversation ready. When she says "it's not what you think", firmly tell her you don't believe that and that you KNOW what it is. When she says that you've been an awful husband, firmly tell her that there is NEVER a valid reason to have an affair and you will NOT accept that excuse. When she tries to push for what exactly you know and find out your sources, tell her that you aren't playing games with her and unless she is willing to tell you everything right now, you can't even consider continuing. When she tells you that you are crazy or mistaken, firmly tell her that she is the crazy one for lying through her teeth and trying to get you to question yourself.

You can do this. It's ok if you cry or can't hold it together. Just be really firm with your words even if you do break down. She will try to use your grief to confuse you or get you to change your mind about what you expect.

We are all pulling for you.

I'm so sorry. I've been following your story, but didn't have anything of merit to add. The only thing I would do is find the other BS and don't let your wife know you're contacting her!

Good luck and again, I'm sorry. My heart hurts for you.

I know you're hurt and in a rage right now, and as incredible as it may seem, you will have to deal with HER anger as well. Seriously.

It's all part of the blame shifting process. She will be indignant.

1. How DARE you violate her privacy.

2. How DARE you spy on her.

3. How DARE you check her cell phone.

4. How DARE you violate her "trust".

5. You are a jealous, controlling husband and that you're batshit crazy.

In other words, she will be angry that you found out about the A. How DARE you catch her cheating.

1. How DARE you violate her privacy.

2. How DARE you spy on her.

3. How DARE you check her cell phone.

4. How DARE you violate her "trust".

5. You are a jealous, controlling husband and that you're batshit crazy.

In other words, she will be angry that you found out about the A. How DARE you catch her cheating.

Yeah...That is insane. She is going to say some crazy stuff tonight.

Goose,

So sorry man, I've been a bystander to your thread, rooting you on from the side. But I wanted to let you know I understand how badly it hurts. I too found out (with no warning) via text messages on my XWW's phone.

Another thing that I think you should add to your list of things to do is to get the book Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. Its the most recommended book on here for a reason.

Everything else I would say has already been said, but I would like to attest to how much I value Bigger's advice to the newly betrayed. Not to downplay anyone else's advice in the least, I always give special notice when it's written by him.

Hang in there man, you're not alone in this by a long shot.

Sc

We are living...reliving this with you...

I wish i had found this site prior to DDAY.

Good luck to you..

You'll survive this goose...

It will get easier one way or the other.

You are at the height of the storm right now..and in the drivers seat, even tho it may not feel as such.

It seems you have gotten a lot of advice, and most of it good. But please please please remember this is your situation, and it is uniquely yours. What you do now can have impact on several things, will you R?, Will you get Primary Custody should you choose to D? Please see a lawyer before you confont, and take the time to figure out if you want to R, and if so what your terms will be, and consequences if terms are broken.

R is the most difficult thing I have ever done. But it was worth it. If you want to know more abt how and why, please read my profile.

Whatever you do remember You are in a position of power. You get to call the shots. Wishing you strength, and hugs. Hang in there.

Wow, man. I guess tonight is the beginning of a new life for you.

Lot's of good advice here, but the best I can tell you is that there shall be no threatening of violence under any circumstances, no matter what she says or does. No point in getting the cops involved.

be strong bro, this is gonna be the worst experience of your life.