SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

OK, There are a lot here on this site that have gotten worse than me, so I'm going to not give myself any more pity party.

I won't give the details, but I'll say there were a hell of a lot more pieces to this puzzle than I could ever have imagined.

I thought I knew my wife. I thought she treasured me and my family. I thought she was wise and caring and loving. I thought I could predict her behavior and I thought she had our best interests at heart.

Who is this person? Where did the old Edith go? She was there a few years ago! I know we pushed ourselves too hard but this, THIS! The person I knew never would have done this. So no, I'm not ok. No, I will not wake up from this nightmare. No, I don't know what I'm going to do. I will give it time and just focus on getting through the day for a while.

But I will say I am at peace now. Knowledge is power and I have enough of it to be at peace. I dug deep through the mud and sand and I've found bedrock, at last. I don't know if I will build us back or start building with someone new. For now I will just live, breath, sleep, eat, and hug my children. I'm going to go dark for a while to be alone in my thoughts. Thanks for all your support and wishes and prayers. NP5

You are strong, np5, even when you are hurting. Picture us all here holding you up.

You will get through this. We're here with you.

But I will say I am at peace now. Knowledge is power and I have enough of it to be at peace.

That has to be a huge feeling for you. I know it doesn't take away from the pain, but having those pieces to the puzzle can't be overstated enough in knowing exactly what you are dealing with.

Continued strength and courage to you as your begin your healing journey.

yop

One of the worst aspects of this journey has been realizing that the person I thought was on it with me had never really existed - he was an illusion. It's an eviscerating loss...discovering that not only does the person you thought you loved no longer exist but that very likely, they never did.

I am sending prayers for you and your children...and for Edith too. I'm so sorry.

[This message edited by Autumn22 at 11:36 AM, May 6th (Wednesday)]

Don't minimize your pain.

I understand your need to go dark.

We'll be here when you need us.

Sending continued strength and prayers brother.

[This message edited by 5454real at 11:37 AM, May 6th (Wednesday)]

np5, reading about your ordeal, watching as you see your life ripped away piece by piece, is really bringing back some terrible emotions for me, and a few others I'm sure. As painful as that may be, please know we understand how you're feeling, and we're here for you.

You don't owe us any details. I want to make that clear.

However...the last time you didn't want to go into details, was because she made you promise not to tell us(SI) what she told you. She wanted to prevent you from seeking support.

If that is the case again...please do not allow her to manipulate you any more. Please do not cut yourself off from your support network..to appease a woman who has shown you no respect, no love, and no dignity.

If you are going dark because it is YOUR choice..and only yours..please take care of yourself. We will be here if you need us.

Please take good care of yourself and your children in your absence, sir.

Please do NOT go dark, and go lick your wounds in the corner. All this does is weaken you. Allows her to manipulate you more, and make you loose focus.

We will stop hitting you upside the head with 2x4's as long as we feel the path you are walking is what you deserve.

You have had your heart not only broken, but taken out and tap danced on. You deserve to lick your wounds, but then you also deserve to heal, and be happy and whole again.

You are a smart, strong, brave man. You deserve life to be good. You are the only one who can make that happen.

Be good to yourself.

(((and strength friend)))

I too hope you won't be alone with your thoughts for too long. I strongly hope you will continue to reach out to us, either on the forum or via PMs. But I strongly urge you to reach out to your friends&family and a counsellor for yourself to have the real life support you need and deserve.

Best wishes to you and the kids, and I hope your WW will find a way to be an emotionally healthy, good co-parent.

Best wishes

Well said confused

You don't owe us any details. I want to make that clear.

However...the last time you didn't want to go into details, was because she made you promise not to tell us(SI) what she told you. She wanted to prevent you from seeking support.

If that is the case again...please do not allow her to manipulate you any more. Please do not cut yourself off from your support network..to appease a woman who has shown you no respect, no love, and no dignity.

If you are going dark because it is YOUR choice..and only yours..please take care of yourself. We will be here if you need us.

I hope ww isn't manipulating you into going dark here. If this is your choice, then know we are here when you are ready.

((((((np5 and kids))))))

Whatever you need to do, do it. We'll be here for you when you need us, np.

Take care np5. I think going dark is probably wise. I'm sure by now you know what advice you'd receive. I will pray for your kids, and I will pray for you to stand strong. You can do this. Please stop yourself from looking for signs of remorse. You have a tendency to see signs of remorse where there are none when it comes to your wife. Don't sign yourself and your kids up for more destruction. Edith is one of the most defensive people I've seen. She hasn't hit rock bottom yet and won't for a long time coming, if ever. Some people are defenses all the way down.

The fact that it took THIS to get the truth is so sad. She knew enough to know that TT is devastating, yet she did it.

Not even a parking lot confession - she thought she could beat the poly. That's not remorse. That's not thinking about her betrayed husband. That's trying desperately to cover her ass, at everyone else's expense.

This is not remorse.

No matter what she says now, or how many tears she cries, you know she will always put herself first.

Anything she does from here on in to look remorseful is putting lipstick on a pig.

She knew the harm these lies would do. She even knew a poly was coming and she held to the lies.

Sorry - I know you're going to get a lot of messages like this. I really am sorry.

In my own case the details were stunning. My wife actually called the OBS and detailed the sex she had had with BS. She tried to break up their marriage - one with 4 children.

It was only when I knew everything, and she faced everything that recovery began.

And we are very happy now. Fully r'd.

It is simply amazing how lost the people we love can get without us noticing.

Be well.

Hey NP5,

Please pop in just to say you're still mucking along the road to health.

Take care of yourself and those kids.

I really hate TT.

I hope that is the last of it

and Confused is right if you are holding back because your WW wants you to, you still need support here and it won't cost you anything

[This message edited by convert at 12:40 PM, May 6th (Wednesday)]

Sent you a PM, NP5.

Sending you peace and strength. Please believe that we are all so sorry that we were right. But remember, you have an army of people here to help you pick up the pieces and rebuild your life. You will survive this and you will be happy again.

We are all with you.

I'm sorry that it took this to get her to own up to what she has owned up to. You've struggled right in front of her eyes for over a year. Her actions have only ever shown how much she wants to cover her own ass, blame you, and keep your family together FOR MONEY. Not for the kids. Not for you. For herself. I hope she apologizes to your DD for involving her. I hope she finally stops verbally abusing you and blaming you. I hope her focus in IC changes from "putting up with you" to becoming a decent woman because she still isn't one. Confessing under a poly isn't integrity. She literally had NO CHOICE but to come clean. She lied and cheated until she got caught and she's great at the crocodile tears. That's why you don't recognize this woman. It's because that is who she always was and she is really good at it. Better than you are at detecting it. She continues to demonstrate zero remorse and empathy. In the coming years, you will struggle more with what she has done since Dday than what she did during the A. Because those actions are in light of your pain and the lies and gaslighting and blaming are done directly to you. In front of your face. You need to stop participating in the M and watch how she treats you. Your SI support is here when you need it and our words are not always full of hope but realize how often our words have been full of the TRUTH. I'll continue to pray for you and for your children. Take care of yourself np5.