SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Everything ChamomileTea said. Yep.

If they are showing interest and are too young I enjoy the ego boost, but I'm thinking what's wrong with them?

I would be (and am occasionally) the same way!

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 6:29 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Jesusismyanchor, you've started a little bit of a 'men v. girls' thread.

Shame on you.

… a 'men v. girls' thread.

I dunno about that. In a world where "cougars" aren't necessarily forest creatures, I think there's some equal-opportunity lampooning to do.

^^^

Uh-oh. I've been busted.

Omg these posts.

Lifedestroyer-

"There absolutely are women who pretend to be younger. Yes, there are women who follow a beauty regime to keep their skin looking younger than their actual age, but there are also women who purposefully wear clothes or makeup that make them appear to be younger. That is pretending."%

Who decideds this, you? I get mistaken for someone in their twenties all the time (no, not delusional) and young boys (younger than my son) hit on me, on the regular. I'm an alternative women (meaning I fit in with a type of music genre) that loves music and I refuse to dress like Bea Arther, as not to confuse the misogynist with alzheimer's... I love heels, clothes and make-up (certified MUA)...I can assure you, I havent interest in interfering with some dudes game in pursuing Lolita. I pat the boys on the head and send them on their way. When I reveal my age (as I ALWAYS do), they still persist. This is when i question (myself) their relationships with their relationships with their mothers. My son is 24 and I have no interest in losing his respect or seeking validation in youth culture. "Shut up and look pretty" just isnt enough for me.

If you're clearly out seeking one thing (and it appears young), then the number clearly has to do with an element of control. I'm divorcing one of these.

I have never preferred younger women. I always seemed to date them though. When I was is my mid 30s, singke-dadding it, it was odd. Younger women pursued me, and constantly asked me out. The biggest age difference was when I was 37 i had a smoking hot 20 yr old girl that was half Mexican, half Dominican, really come after me. I said no for months. Finally gave in. Went on a couple of dates that absolutely sucked. We decided to just be friends and we are still friends to this day.

Anytime I asked out females, they were always around my age, give or take 2-3 yrs.

Welp. Maybe I'm lighting my own witch-pyre here, but I've read the whole thread. Here's my response, for what it's worth.

I'm 35. I'm no Chris Hemsworth, either physically or financially. I am broad shouldered, barrel chested, thick torso'd and... well, I'm fat. Not morbidly obese, but I have a 42" waist at 275lbs and 5'11" height. I could stand to lose 30-50lbs. I carry it well and I am still muscular, but I'm nobody's prime catch.

I married a woman who was 2 years my senior, and she cheated with a younger man (2 years younger than me) and then an older man (a year older than her) with his younger wife (two years younger than me).

The only women who have shown ANY interest in me were older than me by 3-5 years. Not a huge gap, but older nonetheless. Not one woman younger than me has responded to any message or initiated anything herself.

As for attraction, well, I'll admit, I'm standing at work, and the women I notice are in the 18-25 range. They're young, smooth skinned, perky breasted, full buttocked, slender waisted, and objectively pretty. They catch my eye, and I think to myself, "daaaaamn. That woman is attractive. I wouldn't kick her out of bed for leaving cookie crumbs in the sheets."

But the moment I start to get to know any of them, or read an online profile, or whatever, there's zero connection. It's all a physical attraction. It's the sort of feeling like "a roll in the hay would be absolutely awesome."

However, I have a 16 year old daughter. The thought of being in a relationship with a woman who was young enough to be a child of mine is NOT appealing. I remember admiring a woman from behind the other day and then she turned around, and she couldn't have been older than 17, and I was taken aback.

I felt bad about it. I mean, yeah, biology is what biology is, and she was a healthy female of breeding age, and I am a healthy male of breeding age. She was attractive, and frankly, the ONLY thing that would make such a thing bad would be the societal influences (and the morals of an advanced society, of course) but I still felt bad because damn. She was just a kid.

Does that make me a creep? Does recognizing the attractiveness of another person make one creepy? Are we supposed to have such a tight lock on what is objectively attractive based on some arbitrary timeline, so that once a specific milestone passes, DING! they're allowed to be sexy now, let's freak it up!

That's wrong, in my opinion. It's no better than the people who drool over underage celebrities like that pink haired girl from Lazytown or the Olson Twins (before they were adults) like, "OMG, as soon as she's 18, she's legal to f***! I hope she does porn on her 18th birthday!" like the day before is bad, but the day of is perfectly okay?

Nah, piss on that. That's ridiculous.

I have found that the old rule I heard back in the day stands pretty true. Half your age plus seven. In my case, that's 25 (35/2=17.5 (round up to 18) +7 is 25. That's probably about as young as I would go. Using that scale, I would be fair game to a 56 year old woman, and admittedly, that would be weird. My mother is 56 this year.

My dating target range is 25-40. Ten years younger and five years older. If an incredibly charming woman who I find attractive and is older than 40 comes along, well, I'll probably consider it. However, my only FIRM criteria are that I have to be attracted to them and I have to be able to intellectually and emotionally connect with them. I won't have a relationship that is JUST sex and nothing else, and I will not have a relationship where I am not attracted to my partner.

So. That's how -this- man feels about women, younger or older.

So are you trying to say that there are no women, anywhere ever in the history of the world, who have pretended to be younger? Really? Did I also say that every woman does that? No, I said that there are women who pretend to be younger, because there is. They are trying to portray themselves as a younger version. That is pretending. A 57 year old woman wearing clothes that a 16 year old wears, just because she may fit into them, is pretending to be younger. Maybe it makes her feel good. Maybe she wants the attention. Whatever the reason may be, she is pretending. Just like there are older men who dress/act like a younger guy. Both genders do it. Just like both genders like younger people.

So are you trying to say that there are no women, anywhere ever in the history of the world, who have pretended to be younger? Really? Did I also say that every woman does that? No, I said that there are women who pretend to be younger, because there is. They are trying to portray themselves as a younger version. That is pretending. A 57 year old woman wearing clothes that a 16 year old wears, just because she may fit into them, is pretending to be younger. Maybe it makes her feel good. Maybe she wants the attention. Whatever the reason may be, she is pretending. Just like there are older men who dress/act like a younger guy. Both genders do it. Just like both genders like younger people.

Think.................... plastic.................. surgery..............

LD -I dunno if they are pretending, seems they are just rejecting the idea they have to turn into crones and wear J Jill type stuff (which has a lot of cute stuff but you k ow what I mean) for the rest of their lives. Is it always a good look? No but it is hardly pretending. Now...maybe some are pretending but i suspect most are just coping with change. Some look pretty good! But it is a battle not all should have to fight and certainly most of us couldn’t afford. Jeff Bezos girlfriend is obviously a very attractive forty something who has a lot of fillers. She is super fake but she also looks good at the same time. She is using them to look younger but I don’t think she is pretending...she just has that filler look to enhance and i dont think she is pretending or fooling us. And I don’t like it personally but I don’t blame women who do it - most women of a certain age have a harder time finding a mate on OLD and such because the most common theme is a man looking for a younger woman. Yes both sexes can do this. My MIL was with a man much younger for years. It was also pretty remarkable as she is clearly her age and doesn’t do any hair dye or any fillers or breast implants or lifts etc... I thought it was pretty unheard of to see that difference anywhere in at least what I’ve seen in my circle and observing media.

Women will embrace those treatments and feel pressured to do so (hell, my dentist was even pressuring me to do Botox) for as long as it is “necessary” to attract a mate in our culture of youth obsession. i dont blame any woman for doing that. We hear so many messages that we won’t be wanted when we are older. Youth is prized for all genders yes, but women bear the burden of that the most.

Incarnate - you aren’t creepy for noticing! You backed off when you saw she was young. I like your formula, seems like a good rule of thumb.

I agree with someone upthread that the men commenting who are not solely interested in only younger women are refreshing. I am lucky to have a husband who doesn’t share the negative views some have of women and our changes over time. We should all have someone like him in our corners, reassuring us and telling us what they find attractive in us and appreciate about us.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 9:48 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Deleted due to mature content.

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 8:29 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Lifedestroyer I wouldn't use the word 'pretending'as I don't think it's entirely accurate, but I take your point, which is what I meant by:

Some women do want to look younger and it's largely because of these men that look down in women for having stayed alive and aging like every other human before us. That's not an easy thing to deal with so I don't think anyone should be looking down on these women because of it, and these men don't find an older woman's confidence attractive whether she pretends to be young or not, they ridicule it and crush it.

and of course I'm not referring to all men on the latter point.

Pretending would be like a 50 yr old saying she's 40. And again, it's usually women that feel the pressure to stay young because men are so visual and aren't afraid of criticising the natural aging process but never really outright say it's a flaw in a woman's appearance to have aged. Men just don't get that in the same way.

But both genders do not do it, it's predominantly men (think... porn) and when women like older men it's not only for money. We're not all money hungry waiting for someone to take care of us, in fact marrying any man usually requires the opposite like child bearing and supporting until we become 'old'and 'less attractive'. Women do tend to think of much younger men as too young and it makes them think of their children, men do not usually do that.

And it's NOT because women show interest. Women don't want to date unattractive older men who could be their dads solely for money, especially those with such a low opinion of women, unless they're gold diggers. Or else we'd see a lot more of these 'marriages'

If no woman ever resorted to that, men would STILL find disturbingly younger women attractive, because they just do. There would still be the 'barely legal' porn. We can ask women why they go for older men but that's not where it starts and more importantly we can ask men why they can't see the beauty in their wives who are the same age as them, like she still sees your attractiveness even though you haven't had to try as hard to stay attractive and bare her children.

Men are more visual. A woman can be attracted to intelligence and confidence, sense of humour ect.. (generally of course) much more than looks. Not the case usually for men. So no, this is not an equal thing. As if barely legal porn of teenage boys would be popular. Brb vomiting.

Actually reassuring to see some men here saying they wouldn't go out with women their daughters ages. Sadly, that's a line we're grateful to see.

Is this Victorian era? Are there men seriously attempting to control the way a woman dresses or chooses to do to her body?

The very same "men" that were playing victims in subsequent posts, are scrutinizing women with a low self-esteem. Hang it up, already.

There is irony in pursuit of their own youth and virility, as they criticize the women that hope to attain such attributes/features, to attract them. This is about power and control. I guess women need to stop wearing make-up and push-up bras, in order to not confuse the ones that are out to further objectify them. That honestly says more about you, than it does them.

I wouldn't doubt the majority of betrayed women debated these things done, because they had been broken by this same narcisstic mentality. Now we are all shamed by this same quality of a human being.

We go off, get a new set of tits because grandpa is dumb and believes lotlitas biggins' are the real deal....meanwhile, grandpa's bald head, acquired some hair or a new hat, as to strap it down in his new convertible "stanger" (aka "the way-back machine")... Following a trip to the golf course, it's a stop at Rite-Aid, to fill his viagra perscription and the condoms are for wishful thinking, whilst firing up the moody blues on the turn table.

In saying this (haha) my turn-off is flip flops in public....of course, there are exceptions to the rule...ie. the beach.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 9:01 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

I can tell you that any young good looking guy who hits on me is only looking for one thing. Sex.

He’s not interested in me or my interests or anything like that. He just thinks I might be willing to have sex with him.

Not interested.

^^^^^ Uh, the one above yours.....

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..................

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 8:55 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

I can tell you that any young good looking guy who hits on me is only looking for one thing. Sex.

Maybe he likes you for your mind.

^ rest, pumpkin.

Moi?

Do you know how you can confidently know why and when a much younger man hits on you? When he asks your number before he knows your name or how many kids you have, or any fact about you at all.

So you are exactly correct BP

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 9:14 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Do you know how you can confidently know why and when a much younger man hits on you? When he asks your number before he knows your name or how many kids you have, or any fact about you at all.

If I were to dispel advice to an "older" woman in such a situation, I would say to trust your gut and go very slowly- if you have an interest in the young man.