This Topic is Archived
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:03 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Hoops ( member #22721) posted at 8:00 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
I am sure this is a horrible time for you, and I am so sorry.
On the other side of the coin, you are Amazing!!! In 3 years, when this is well behind you, and you look back you will realize you fulfilled the dreams most of us would have loved to have been able to have fulfilled (or even thought of for that matter!!). Is it your sister who also introduced you to SI??
I hope life gets easier for you in the future.
I am sorry you are joining us, but thank you for sharing your experience!
BW (Me) 53
W(ex)H 55 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10
Now: Happily married to a great guy who has the same birthday as my DD! Ironic. Now it is just my husband's birthday.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 9:14 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
(((Karmita)))
You did that like a rock star!!!
I know you are hurting like hell right now, but know tht you are worth so much more.
Keep posting, keep reading, and keep leaning on your sis.
((((and strength))))
ps too bad there wasn't a video tape of his entering the apt to find you gone.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
whatdoto ( member #28555) posted at 9:23 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
((karmita))
I am so sorry.
Definitely, lean on your sis and take care of yourself.
But, I must say, the poo on the plug made me laugh out loud and I'm at work.
Stay strong, you deserve much better.
WDT
"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".
HurtButHopeful? ( member #25144) posted at 9:47 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Take care of yourself, Karmita. Give your sister a big hug. She is awesome being there for you to lean on.
Your post made me LOL, then I cried. It must have been overwhelming keeping your cool during all that time. ...shopping with OW! What a perfect place to take her.
Your strength is amazing. You're crying now, but you won't stay there long.
hug for you (((((Karmita)))))
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
Exit Wounds ( member #32811) posted at 10:33 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
We should put your story on pintrest. 
Exit WoundsH of 17 years got gf pregnant, left our kids 9 & 11 and we never saw him again. -His choice.
ShockedErica11 ( member #37550) posted at 10:41 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
One too many D-days; taking it one day at a time.
(Full story: see profile)
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 11:00 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Sending you continued strength and comfort, Karmita. Hang in there. The rollercoaster will take you for quite a ride, but you will be okay. Promise.
(((((hugs)))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
persevere ( member #31468) posted at 12:25 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Wow. You really are amazing. Big ((HUGS)) Karmita - I'm so glad you have your sister and that you found SI.
I know you're hurting but please understand we are all in awe because so many of us wish we could have pulled that off.
Now it's time to just take care of YOU and take the time you need to heal. ((Hugs))
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 12:35 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I shared your story with 3 friends not member of SI. One was a WS at one time. All three ladies almost peed their pants laughing so hard!
You do rock. He is an idiot for letting a treasure like you go.
It's painful, we all know, but you WILL heal and recover. No worries about that.
Please do keep updating us from time to time on your recovery process!
Take care over these next weeks.
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
Dare2Trust ( member #21183) posted at 3:22 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Karmita,
I'm sincerely sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through.
Take care of yourself emotional, and physically...and follow the advice of your attorney to make sure you are protected legally.
Please stay NO CONTACT with the OW...she will only bring you heartache and misery. Stay away from her.
Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 3:55 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Karmita,
I am so sorry that you are here with the rest of us BSs. We all know your pain.
Take care of yourself, it will get better. This site helps a lot.
And now I have to say that I LOVED LOVED LOVED it!!!!!
You have no idea how you have made my day!!!!! I'm sure not only for me but for a lot of other BSs here who wish they could have done what you did!
In my first marriage of 10 years, I came home (without warning) from work sick in the middle of the night ( I worked 7 PM - 7AM) & found my first WH in our bed with OW. I packed his suitcase, & threw it down the stairs, & told him to get out. (I had been supporting him/ working to put him thru school.) That was the end of that!!!!
That felt pretty good but your story was fantastic!!!!!
Altho you will still have to heal from this, it will help you that you were so strong.
In my present ( 2nd ) marriage of 24 years (with 4 kids), within an hour of my finding out, I confronted WH.
I had always thought that if it ever happened again, I would do what I did in my first marriage. But, because of the kids , I am trying to R.
Believe me, it is so humiliating & degrading to
agree to take back someone who has done this to you, who has stuck a knife in your gut & twisted it & didn't care what it would do to you.
That is why we all love your story so much-----
it shows such self respect.
You are going to be fine.
You are our hero, we love you.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:12 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 8:27 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I know it hurts like hell right now. My heart goes out to you.
Much love to your sister for being you 'Rock' right now. Your parents taught you well 
.
Go ahead, tend to your wounds...grieve honey. It's gonna be okay sooner than you think.
You may have been blindsighted because your love is strong and true. But we all agree you've got balls of steel and your douche husband is a fool to have fucked around and lost you.
Be well my kindred BS. You have shown us all what a good dose of self respect looks like. Thank you.
Kudos to you for your strength and spirit. And heartfelt (((hugs))) to help you along to peaceful healing.
WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown
Faithsurviver ( member #30860) posted at 9:32 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
{{Karmita}}
Way to go!!! 
I was lol reading your story!
It took guts and a strong will to keep that info to yourself for so long and not let on what you were planning 
When my xwh told me he didn't love me and wanted a D, informing me that he loved OW (30 yrs younger than WH) he had only known for 7 months and wanted to marry, stated that HE was going to file, and then, 2 months later, proceeded to fly to her country to visit her for a week, I made up my mind that I was through being disrespected so I filed while he was out of the country. Geez, was he pissed when I informed him that he was going to be served after he returned to the states!!!
BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 11:20 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I am so sorry that you are in the same friggin boat as us, but MAN OH MAN, you are a fantastic swimmer.
^^THIS.
I sat with the knowledge subconsciously and it almost killed me. Once I had verification I nearly lost my damn mind. I don't know how you could stand being around him, around her. But I'm glad you were cool, calm and collected enough to get your ducks in a line.
What you're feeling now would be the crash - in the midst of it all your adrenaline is pumping and you feel like you can leap tall buildings.
It is a good thing that the adrenaline has stopped pumping. You are no longer in full survival mode. That is a good thing.
It will come back at times as you do need it to get through some of the stages but you won't need it for all of the stages.
(((Karmita))) It won't always hurt this bad, I promise.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
fallingquickly ( member #36599) posted at 11:54 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:53 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
(((Karmita))) I'm sorry you are in this position.
I must say I like your confrontation style You.Go.Girl!
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
Grace and Flowers ( member #34431) posted at 1:54 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
(((((Karmita)))))
Yes, you ARE strong. Remember that, even when you feel weak and hopeless. And no matter what, keep loving yourself.
Your story has, and will continue to, give all of us strength as well, so thank you for sharing it!
Hold on to that self respect. It will be your strongest ally in the rough days ahead. I'm glad you are here...we are with you every step of the way!
[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 7:55 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]
Karmita (original poster member #40183) posted at 2:25 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and support you all have given me.
Thank you
Yesterday and today I've hit a brick wall and slept a lot. Been in my pyjamas this whole time.
I promise myself I'll get back to kicking ass next week. I've got to see my lawyer and start looking for an apartment.
Thanks again to all you lovely people.
Hugs
shiloe ( member #1224) posted at 2:34 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
You rock.
And the plug -
Oh and I added some real shit to go with it
But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 58 Dday 03/2011
Cheater -58 Married 26 yrs
DD - 23 DD -21 DS-19
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA- new MCOW D-2/17
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