SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

have you told the OM's spouse yet? Really important step to help break up the escapist fantasy bubble.

I have sent an email and facebook message a day and 1/2 ago. but have not heard a reply from either.

I have sent an email and facebook message a day and 1/2 ago. but have not heard a reply from either.

Good step. Although is there any chance those accounts can be intercepted by OM? Maybe direct phone contact to confirm -- you may need an ally in this if you decide to eventually consider reconciliation.

Email and Facebook messages are the very worst way to inform the OBS. Messages get intercepted. Especially since OM knows you know. He's been watching for that message.

So call her and tell her. Offer a copy of any evidence you have.

Or send her a certified letter..one that requires her signature..and only her signature for delivery.

My WW actually caught me writing message and said she had OBS email address in her journal. WW didn't want me send it but under stood why i wanted to.

Unfortunately I don't have phone or address

Cheaters lie.

Why would you believe that was his wife's email account..And not the other man's secret account?

I know..because his wife emailed your wife using that address. How do you know it's not a shared account? Or even one she checks? Or maybe she just created it to contact your wife the first time she discovered the affair, so your wife wouldn't have her email address.

Call his wife.

Since your wife knows..She has warned OM by now. And OM has told his wife you're dangerous,jealous, and crazy. That you discovered the affair recently, and you're convinced it continued, but it didn't.

So be calm..And kind.

But call her.

Google. White pages.com...intellius..spokeo...if you found her on Facebook,does it list where she works? Or have you figured out who her mother is? You could contact her mother to let her daughter know.

[This message edited by confused615 at 4:37 PM, April 19th (Wednesday)]

WW didn't want me send it but under stood why i wanted to.

That's not a good sign. If it is "over" why would she care if you are trying to warn the OBS?

Edited to add Confused quote:

Google. White pages.com...intellius..spokeo...if you found her on Facebook,does it list where she works? Or have you figured out who her mother is?

If you want to save this thing, you have to be prepared to lose it -- it sounds weird, but it is SO true. I have been sitting exactly where you are and it sucks. But you have to take charge of your environment. Find the OBS, break the infidelity up -- then you can take some time to get your feet on the ground.

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 4:41 PM, April 19th (Wednesday)]

Your wife knows the address. Ask her.

You can go to spokeo, or any of those sites like that, and pay a nominal fee for a month of use. You will get all the information you need to contact the wife.

How's it going aabbccdd ?

Ww told me the affair started 2 1/2 years ago just after our first son was born and stopped after about 9 months when OM wife had caught them.

Just curious. Why do you believe this? What you wife is saying is the OM's wife caught them, didn't divorce her husband or contact you or confront your wife in any way? No phone call to you to say "Hey. Your wife has been screwing my man." Radio silence from OM's wife?

I'm surprised.

I have sent an email and facebook message a day and 1/2 ago. but have not heard a reply from either.

Unfortunately I don't have phone or address

This is unacceptable. You must talk to her on the phone at a minimum. Don't trust email or facebook. And make sure its really her, not some friend pretending. Somebody is lying here.

I would also have the OM's phone number and would be right up in his face.

I don't believe him or your wife, frankly.

The first sign of your WW having second thoughts about anything regarding the OM, I'd be getting out the suitcases and helping her pack.

This is not a time to be wishy-washy or negotiate terms. This is the time to grow a set and explain how it is going to be. Time for the nuclear option.

I agree with everyone. I too sent a fb message to the OBS. It went unanswered for 3 weeks. Finally called her direct. I had her email, but decided the best way was on the phone because

1) its the safest way to ensure that it doesnt get intercepted

2) its the best way to deliver such awful news that will probably rock their world.

As it turns out OBS wasnt a big FB user and didnt log in to check her messages.

Well it has been a long week and I am starting to feel like I am living in a soap opera. The roller coaster is slowing down and I am trying to center on myself as much as possible, but I have to admit it has been hard for me becuase it doesn't come natural and sleep has been a problem most nights.

I am finding the weirdest things are setting me off. Like a few nightS ago I was going to bed and the light was left on in the guest room, my wife had told me she would go down their to contact other man. This wasn't the case but I ended up spending the rest of the night going over ww phone convinced I would find something. I didn't find anything new but I didn't get to sleep until after 3 am when my ww woke up and talked to me.

Their also have been 2 health scares. On Monday my ww had to schedule a biopsy for breast cancer, she already has had a tumor removed during second pregnancy and ww ended up in the emergency room this morning with kidney stones. I know I should be distancing my self emotionaly for my own healing but I can see the fear in my ww eyes and let's face it I am a text book "nice guy"

Contacting the OBS hasn't gone well either. I found disconnected phone numbers and they have just moved in the last several weeks and I am not even sure what town they are now in. Never mind thier names are almost as common as smith. The only contact methods that I can find are for OMs work. OBS doesn't work and I don't think obs is active online.

My ww seems to be taking NC seriously. When she went the hospital on Monday for testing a work truck matching the OM was there. Ww called me and told me about it instantly.

We also started MC, setup by my WW. It was just an introduction meeting but the second session has already been setup. She is deffently apologetic and I think even remorseful. Alough I can really tell how long this process is going to take.

I am trying to find ways to stop obsessing so I can get more sleep and help return more normal into my life. I am trying to be observant while stop obsessing about the details of the affair but stupid things are causing me to spiral. Has anyone found any tricks to help with this?

Are you sure there's been NC? Do you have access to all her communication methods and are you watching phone bill online?

Are you sure there's been NC? Do you have access to all her communication methods and are you watching phone bill online?

I am as sure as I can be. I already knew ww passwords from before. Ww has allowed me to enable location tracking on her phone and access when ever I want. I am sure that anyone who is determined enough can find a way.

The weirdest thing is that I feel intense guilt when I am checking up on ww. And the action seems to make me spiral. I don't want to brush the affair under the rug but the verifying is hurting me more then helping my confidence. I don't want to be bind sided again and want to give up the ability check when I am feeling insucure but I also have to stop obsessing when I do check.

the verifying is hurting me more then helping my confidence

I monitored my wife's stuff for about 2 weeks. First of all, that is exhausting if you work and are involved with your kids and have other outside responsibilities. Second and more important, I had a hard time looking myself in the mirror. "Hey, I'm the guy who has to check on his wife or else she'll be screwing other men." Not exactly how I wanted the marriage to work.

Exactly what I have been feeling. The pit in my stomach just seems to grow when ever I check but when I don't I start to feel like she must be cheating again. I am going to get on the excersize bike and make my self so tired I will finally sleep a normal night

I am having trouble with some details of the affair and I don't know how to take them. If you have read the thread you will see the affair flared up twice over last 2 1/2 years each time lasting about 9 months. Ending the first time when obs found out and the second time when I found out. During the second affair i believed our relationship was great and we were having a awsome sex life right up to dday

I have found out that my WW shared many details of out sex life with the OM including a very sexual letter I wrote my ww during thier second affair. It is making me feel so exposed. My ww claims she shared becuase of how great it made her feel but I am having trouble with that explanation.

My ww is also claiming she loved both me and om.

I am not sure if this should be in a new thread

[This message edited by Aabbccdd at 10:09 AM, April 30th (Sunday)]

You really need to find your wife's boyfriend's wife. If it takes hiring a PI then you have to. Too many things with your story raise red flags.