SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm so sorry (((DeadMumWalking))). Wishing you strength and sending you love. Prayers for healing and the best outcome possible.

I am so sorry this has happened to your son. How horrible. I hope there is justice for him but more than anything, I hope he gets IC and can find a way to put it in his past and have a great future.

So another update... DS went to the police again this weekend, it was a bit more of the same: looking at pictures and video. Nothing came of it.

He has been feeling so horrible since then. He says he feels 'weird' and that he is feeling weak in his body and that his body is hurting and he can't stop thinking about it all.

He also said that he has the feeling that they are not going to get these guys. I told him that he was strong and brave for doing everything he possibly could to help the police catch them, but that unfortunately it could be that they will only get caught after they hurt more people.

All of this makes me so very sad, he is feeling the weight of all of this not just for himself but for future victims.

We already know this is not these guys' first rodeo (DNA plus sophistication in carrying it out), and sadly won't be their last. We can only hope that the next victim(s) will pursue them with as much zeal as DS has been doing. Silence allows these creeps to continue to get away with it.

DS has skipped some IC appointments because he had been feeling 'better'. But now he says he knows he needs to go back, and I am glad that he sees it that way. I also told him that he should continue with appointments even if he is feeling ok in the moment, because his therapy is going to be more effective if he can stick with it.

He just wants all of this to be OVER. Who can blame him??

I'm glad he realizes he needs help now. I'm sorry he had to feel worse in order to come to that realization, of course, but he's finding his way through this, and it's beyond difficult.

I know it's beyond awful, too, to see your son in such pain. All you can do about it, though, is be there for him. I bet you'd heal him if you could, but he has to heal himself.

I hold onto the fact that he's 19 and has the strengths and resilience of youth, he has some good support, and he's actually seeking help.

Does he have any older men in his life, from whom he can get some reassurance and acceptance?

Sending mojo to you and your dear son....

Your DS is brave and stronger than he may realize. I'm so very happy that you are there for him and that he's going to resume IC.

Prayers and hugs for both of you.

So another update -

Just got back from my trip to Tibet and China. While I was gone, DS has been regularly making (and keeping!!) IC appts, so I am glad about that.

He also wanted to talk to me about another development. The police called him to come in again. According to him, it was more of same - looking at pictures, a few more questions. He told the police he didn't want to keep coming and that he wanted to just forget about it/drop the complaint, but they said they couldn't do that.

Anyway, it turns out that these same guys have hit (at least) 2 more times since DS, one man, one woman. These rapes were also reported and were in the same general area as DS's attack. Same DNA. The police couldn't give out any other details though because the investigation is continuing.

So what we think is happening with these last few police calls is that they are gathering evidence from these OTHER attacks, and then seeing if anything matches with what DS can remember or recognize.

We talked again about how sad it was that these guys probably won't be caught until someone else got hurt, but that he (and these new victims) were so brave to stand up against them and that they were helping to make it so that these guys could get caught and not hurt anyone else.

After I said he was helping the police catch them, he said 'or kill them'. Wow. He is feeling this so very deeply. And I understand.

Anyway, it seems that he really was waiting for me to get home to talk about this. I am glad that he brought it up. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one bringing things up, but I don't want him to think that we can't just be 'normal' together, kwim?? So I am trying to let him lead.

So: IC, IC, IC, and they can't catch these asswipe creeps soon enough. I HATE THEM!!!!!!!

You have a very brave young man there, DMW. I'm so sorry he's going through this but so impressed by the way you're handling it together. He's going to struggle, but the support he's getting will make all the difference in his recovery.

I like to think the police are closing in. The more attacks there are, the more arrogant and invincible the attackers will feel. That equals sloppiness. Patience. They won't keep getting away with it.

I'm so so sorry your DS (and you) are going through this.

I like to think the police are closing in.

I sure hope so. It seems like it is taking forever though.

They have the DNA, same for all of these attacks. Now they just need these guys to match it to. I can't believe they haven't already been arrested for something already since their DNA is not on file.

As for future victims, I am sorry that there will most likely be some. The important thing is that they report. If they don't report, the police can't do anything.

I am grateful that DS had the wherewithal to call the ambulance and that the police got involved. I am grateful that the police have been working so hard on this case. I am grateful that the police have taken DS so seriously and have been so respectful and sensitive toward him. He does always mention that they have been nice to him.

Of course, your son's well being is of primary concern. I'm so very glad he is giving his IC such priority.

But, as a mom, I am so touched AND impressed at the relationship you two have. The way he comes to you and seeks your feedback and inclusion.

You. Are such a good mom!!

And the two of you rock!!!

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

He also told me he started doing EMDR with a different therapist while I was on my trip to China/Tibet. He has gone to that a few times already.

This just makes me realize how very much he is hurting. IC, EMDR, he's pumping iron like crazy, and I can only hope that these things are helping him. He knows it's not his fault, he's just so traumatized.

He's also spending a lot of time with friends and a girlfriend. I think he's feeling more comfortable around people than he had been, which I am happy to see since he had always been so sociable.

We've been watching World Cup matches, sometimes together and other times he goes down to the big outdoor screen at the lake and watches with his friends. Other than that, he's got lots of school work for the next few months. And I'm going to have some more mommying to do.

(((((DMW))))

If he fancies a trip to the industrial end of Germany we'd be honored to have him as a guest. (If a holiday would help). Is he into board games? We have a huge games convention in October I think...

May those fuckers be caught soon and die soon and rot in hell FOREVER.

Thank you for the update. I hope that these monsters are caught soon, and I am so so proud of your son for reporting and working with the police. I think eventually these monsters will be caught and it will be good for your son to know that he helped put them away. I also think its good that your son will be able to know for sure that these were the monsters that attacked him when they are caught. And they WILL be caught. Maybe not soon, but I 100 % believe that they WILL be caught!!!

He got another call from the police last week, he's supposed to go in this Thursday.

He is not doing well atm. Every time they phone him, he's back in the moment of the attack. He sees the things he remembers. He feels the physical pain. His migraines reappear. He has trouble focusing at school. His stress level is miles high. He is going to his EMDR appointment on Friday, since he is anticipating continued stress.

And this time with the police, it is right around the time that he and some friends are going out on the lake in a boat to celebrate their friend who drowned a few weeks ago.

I really hope that the investigation has progressed and that he doesn't have to keep going back. He feels such a setback in his healing every time they phone him, and these calls to him come out of the blue.

Please send all your mojo etc. and keep him in your thoughts. We've got a tough few days ahead of us.

For what it’s worth…

They wouldn’t call him back without a reason.

They probably have enough on their plate to simply fill in boxes on a cold-case.

There is a reason.

He might be a part in getting these b@startds off the streets.

I agree with bigger. The police and detectives have so much work, they don’t bring in someone for questioning unless they have a reason. (Most especially a victim, it’s been my understanding that they try to bring victims in as little as possible, as they understand and are empathetic to emotional wounds). I hope they are getting close to arresting those monsters.

Thanks guys, they have called him back quite a few times so it does seem to be a pretty active investigation. And yeah, they can't catch these fucking creeps soon enough for me.

(((hugs)))

Zen mum,

Sending the mojo and love and healing and strength!!

((()))

You’re an amazing mom. I’m so proud of you simply through your posts. You’re son is amazingly brave and I’m so proud of him.

For each other and standing for others. I could cry. I just send love and prayers.

Sending mojo and all that to you and your son. I can’t even imagine...