SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(((DMW))

((((DeadMumWalking))))

I am so sorry to read this. I don't often check this forum, but tonight I came here because of the Florida school shooting. When I saw your post I could get no further before wanting you to know you have one more soul out here lifting you and your son up for healing and peace.

I want to chime in as another person out there in the world who is hoping and praying that they catch this rapist.

Wishing peace and comfort to your son and entire family.

((((((((DeadMumWalking and DS))))))))

Hugs don't even seem like enough with what your boy and you are going through. I hope they catch the fucker who did this.

Hoping that the two of you are doing OK today.

Are you and DS ok? Sending hugs.

hi everyone, I needed to take a few days to gather myself to post this update, it has been tough.

So we wentto the police on Friday, they took him right in without waiting. He had to go in alone. There were 2 police officers there. He was audio and video taped during the entire session, which lasted about an hour and a half - quite nerve-wracking for me since I had no idea what was happening. I was just hopingthat DS was ok in there.

First of all, they went over his previous report, wanted to know if he could add anything to it or if he remembered anything differently. He said he hadn't thought of anything else, and they said to let them know if he did.

Then came the part that Bigger warned about - whether he wanted that or had done anything like that before, etc. It was good that he was prepared for this, because even with the preparation he felt a bit guilty and under the microscope. But anyway he told them no. They asked him for namesand numbers of a few people they could call to interview to verify this. He felt hesitant to do this, but he did it anyway.

They also had him take a lie detector test, which he passed.

After we came home, DS talked to me about his attack more than he had before. The police showed him video of him being held up by TWO guys in the neighborhood of the bar, but it is difficult to make out much about their features. They asked DS if he knew where they might have gone, and DS said they went to a gray car, so the police did scans of neighboring parking lots - I think this is where they got some of the photos in the book. DS also remembered that they went to the next country over (just across the border from the place where he was).

He had been with friends at the bar, but they got separated into different groups and he lost track of people when he went to the bathroom. The police are interviewing the bartender again, for the third time I think. His friends started calling him when they couldn't find him, and DS did say he had a lot of missed calls.

One bit of good news is that they did manage to get one DNA profile, and it matches another attack (this one against a woman). They don't know who the person is though, but I hope that they wiil make a mistake soon and get caught.

I am shocked and devastated that my son was drugged, taken away in a car across an international border to parts unknown, and RAPED.... I almost feel lucky that he was 'only' raped, because he could have been fucking MURDERED as part of this scenario

Anyway, I told DS that he was very brave to have reported this crime and to continue going through with the investigation. Presumably there are other victims of these sickos who may not have reported, but by following through with the police process he is helping to find them so that they can't hurt anyone else.

He had the sense that the police are very interested in catching these guys and are taking him very seriously in his account.

So that's where we are at right now. DS spent the weekend with a girlfriend, which I'm sure was relaxing and took his mind off of all this crap. He's working out now, which also helps him mentally.

I'm just trying to take a few breaths and be grateful that I still have DS. And trying to be there for him whenever and however he needs me. There's time for me to take care of myself when he's sleeping.

Thank you all for your love and support, the only irl support I have is from my pdoc (psychiatrist), which is helpful but it's just not the same as the SI army!!

Thank you for posting this update, as painful and tramatic it is for you. I'm very happy the police are taking this seriously. I can't express how proud I am of your DS for continuing to help with the investigation. It takes such courage. He's doing awesome!!!

As for you. As a mom.myself the thought ...I'm in tears...Losing a child. Omg. So yes he is so lucky this is all that happened. The emotions you feel are normal but man I wish you had more IRL support. Even just for a hug.

I'll send one from here and hope that it helps a little. Hugs!!!

Wow wow wow….

You are one lucky mother.

The organization, effort, preparation for this heinous crime is immense.

You are lucky that your son isn’t a “missing person” and the next person knocking at your door is an officer and a priest.

Get that message across to your son: Despite everything then he’s fortunate to be alive and able to tell.

Also make him realize how organized this was and that once he took the first sip from the spiced drink he was helpless.

(Lessons to learn? Never accept a drink from strangers unless you see it made at the bar, never leave your drink unattended).

Does crossing the border make this a more serious crime? Does the European version of FBI (Europol or Interpol) have a joint sex-offender list or DNA tank? Are the police looking at comparable crimes on the other side of the border?

Two guys supporting him at the bar… What do the bartenders/bouncers at the place say?

He passed the police litmus test. They can now focus on your son having been truthful and work at solving the crime. The DNA will come in handy.

To answer some of your questions Bigger...

Yes, kidnapping across international borders does make it more serious. From what I could understand, our police are working with the other country's police, but they wouldn't say whether they had a DNA match there so I don't know about that. There is a very close border area (think Kansas City, KS and Kansas City, MO), so it makes sense to have a coordonation between police forces and they have probably already worked together before, which also helps.

The police are going to interview the bartender again, he has already been interviewed twice. But they want to go through all the transactions first - they have looked at the cash register camera for cash transactions and are now going through the credit/debit transactions. It has taken a while to get this far because they first need to get a subpoena for everything. Even to interview the bartender there is a procedure - they have to mail him a formal notice that he needs to appear at the police station at a specified time and let him know why (in this case it is as a witness rather than a 'person of interest' or suspect).

And yes I have been thanking my lucky stars since I learned more about his attack, because I can imagine how much worse it could be. Thank goodness that this all did not turn out even worse than it already has, it is already bad enough.

((((DMW & DS3)))

I will continue to keep you both in my prayers.

I can't imagine the horror and I am thankful that you can hold your son in your arms.

One day at a time.

A few days ago my 21 year old texted me to tell me that his girlfriend had "left him" because he didn't have enough money.

I was in the middle of being so sad for him when I thought of you and your DS.

"Everything is relative" is absolutely true. My son's worries are nothing compared to your son's woes.

And...it is indescribable how much worse actually losing your son would have been.

You are amazing.

Both of you are.

Stay strong!!!

Another 'thanks for your update', which I'm sure was difficult to write.

Love and mojo to you your brave son and to you.

I understand that you have little IRL support. Is it enough? What support can SIers give you?

DMW,

It’s a horrific experience all the way around. Your son has shown much strength. I think his momma taught him.

We are all with you both in our hearts and minds.

❤️

Praying for your son- this rapist sounds like he is not being very careful in his criminal activities and leaving clues (color of car, DNA, plus he has an accomplice who could turn on him). Your son is so brave for reporting this and possibly stopping this horrible criminal.

And yes, he is very fortunate to be alive.

Wishing healing and hope to you and yours

DMW:

I am so glad to hear he was taken seriously and treated well by the authorities, and that he got through the difficult parts.

Praying daily for his healing and for those waste -of -oxygen monsters to be brought to SWIFT JUSTICE.

(((hugs))) Thanks for the update. Still praying for your son and you!

(((DMW))) Thanks for the update. It sounds like things are progressing in the right direction.

Thinking of you from NJ, too.

Hugs.

Update: 3 months std/sti testing ALL CLEAR, that's a big relief.

In this country, they say he doesn't need additional testing, but I see that the CDC recommends a final round of testing at 6 months. I told that to DS and he said that he would schedule it.

He also told me the other day that he had been feeling 'bad' and so he made another IC appointment.

He's also working out a lot, which also makes him feel better.

I told him that I am so proud of him for making good decisions about his health (and also about his school work, which he has also been focusing on).

We have spent some fun time together, for example watching 3 English football teams get eliminated from the Champion's League during the last 2 weeks, cooking together (he's become quite the cook since he returned from his language trip to Rome last year), snowball fights.

I hope that these moments are helping him through the tough times that I know he still feels. Some days he wakes up and just says he doesn't feel strong enough to go to school. I play it by ear whether to encourage him to go or not, and I never know if I'm doing the right thing (whatever that is!).

His sleep is mostly ok, but he also has nights where he has bad dreams and wakes up and can't get back to sleep. A few times he has even come into my room in the middle of the night to lie down with me, just like when he was younger. I help him to fall asleep, then I stay up the rest of the night watching him and worrying about him.

So far, nothing further from the police investigation. I try to put this out of my mind, but it does keep coming back. I REALLY want them to catch this fucker!!!!! I know that won't make this all go away, but I feel that at least getting some justice would be a next step in DS's healing.