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General :
Would you ever get married again?

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 elKAPPYtan (original poster member #72085) posted at 12:25 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

My dad has been married 4 times now. after his third failed marriage he told me he is never getting married again. I think if he met his 4th wife first he would have never divorced

I am confident I will never marry again after this. I don't feel like men benefit from marriage, and this one has left a rotten taste. I also wish that I never married my WW, moving in with her and raising our daughter? fine. what is the point of marriage these days?

Me: 36 STBXWW: 36 DDay: Oct 3rd 2019

"You keep it in between the pages of the books you burn so no one gets to read" -Corey MF Taylor

posts: 160   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019   ·   location: MI
id 8468215
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PSTI ( member #53103) posted at 12:32 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Marriage, to me, is about making a public commitment that you want to have someone as your life partner.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Yes, I did get married again. Was it the smartest decision on paper? No. But I'm okay with that. My husband is a wonderful man and an amazing partner and co-parent. I feel so lucky to have him in my life.

Marriage, to me, is not just a piece of paper. I wanted to show him that I value him that much, to tie my life to his. That I'm committed to making our relationship work.

Did my ex leave a bad taste in my mouth about relationships? Yup, once bitten twice shy. But I don't think it's reasonable to treat other people worse because my ex was a douchebag.

Still have stars in my eyes for my husband now :)

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 917   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8468217
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:33 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

I never say never...but, Something earth shattering would have to happen for me to marry again.

1. I have only been married once for 18 years and it was not a good experience. And after I filed for divorce it was complete hell for 9 years.

2. I am 60, and at this point what is the point in remarrying? I would lose financially, and unless I spent money to protect my assets I would risk my children's inheritance if I married again.

3. Divorce is expensive and stressful and why would I risk going through that again?

4. I can see no benefit at all to marrying. Is there a benefit at my age?

You are so much younger. One day you may want children and the protection marriage would provide their mother and them. I think it is certainly an interesting question.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8468218
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silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 12:37 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Who in hell would want to marry me? I'm a mentally ill single mother who doesn't know how to wear makeup and who weighs 190 lbs. According to society, I'm not a catch. So, that would be a no, I doubt that'll be happening, if indeed my H ever grants me an on-paper divorce, which is getting way ahead of myself right now. I'm just happy walking away from the abusiveness, I don't care about what's on paper.

Anyway, that's OK. I have my son, and I have my own company (plus the voices). I'll be fine.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

posts: 5270   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 8468220
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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 12:40 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Yes.

Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again

Staying together for the kids

D-day 2010

posts: 6490   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 8468223
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:40 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

No

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9074   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8468224
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cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 12:49 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

I’m not sure. At first it was hell no. And as time passes and I find myself again. I remember it’s what I wanted most. Ever. I hate that my dream has been ruined for me. I have times of loneliness. I’m 61. This isn’t fair. I didn’t ruin his dreams.

I’m so afraid of a repeat. It’s getting very hard to find nice people. Maybe companionship. It took years to realize Ex Wh was Npd. Literally years. That’s scary. That’s very scary.

a trigger yesterday

posts: 4775   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2010   ·   location: athome
id 8468227
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DashboardMadonna ( member #71074) posted at 1:07 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Hell no. There isnt a point. I'm done having children.

My entire life, I've been abused, I'm an easy target. I need to learn how to love myself...I'm not quite sure that is possible. Its depressing, but statistics are not in my favor.

posts: 298   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2019
id 8468235
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 1:14 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

I never say never. But I would definitely not ever get married again without a huge prenup with a cheating clause in it.

Can't picture it right now TBH.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3921   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8468239
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Bleu ( member #14243) posted at 1:24 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Absolutely!

I picked the wrong person for the job.

BS (Me) - 42
WS (It) - 42

Coupled in 1998
DD#1 - 2002
DD#2 - 2003
Married in 2010
DD#3 - 2012
And many more . . .

Divorcing

Two gorgeous, funny and fun little kids

posts: 293   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2007
id 8468245
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OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 1:45 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Married? Hell no.

Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have a lady friend though.

I was young and dumb and stayed with a cheater.

posts: 3427   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8468255
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:26 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

It's not something I'm looking for, and I can be completely happy never marrying again.

That said, my heart is softening a bit. Therefore, I am changing my "never again" to "never say never."

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8468269
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Maudlin ( member #70107) posted at 2:42 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

No way. I am building a strange mobile life for myself and I can’t imagine ever finding anyone who will want that with me, I’ll never compromise what I want or who I am again for a man. Marriage is about compromise a lot of the time, and I no longer have it in me.

posts: 170   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2019
id 8468277
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:45 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

No, prefer a pet.

Standing tall

posts: 2232   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8468278
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Striver ( member #65819) posted at 3:08 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Really unlikely. I see no point.

I am dedicated when I marry. Others are not. If they are not, they will still lie and say they are, so I won't be able to tell.

posts: 741   ·   registered: Aug. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8468283
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BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 3:20 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Maybe. Which is more than I ever thought I’d say. An ironclad prenup would have to proceed it. But I’m definitely considering it. I have an amazing SO. But I’m incredibly cautious.

Time and work and optimism are powerful forces. I would never look at entering a marriage again without due thought and consideration but that isn’t a bad thing. I’m much better at being forthright and forthcoming to myself and others as to what I need and am looking for. In my 20’s I skipped into the whole thing like someone barrelling into a glass door.! I feel I’ve learned some hard lessons. Does that protect me from future pain?? No. But I don’t want to live a life that would.

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3432   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8468288
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 3:23 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

No one is getting their hands on my $ or assets. I know there are pre nups but I do not want to be legally bound to anyone.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 12:34 PM, November 15th (Friday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14753   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8468289
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 3:23 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

I used to be in the firm "no" camp. Now, I am open to the idea. That does NOT mean I am ready to jump in! I'm perfectly content not being married.

I've been with my SO for six years. We live an hour apart, and often go weeks between seeing each other. It currently works for us. We both get our alone time. But who knows what the future holds! 🤷‍♀️

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8468290
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Smjsome1 ( member #60691) posted at 3:48 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Nope nope nope

me/BW - 50, WH - 54 32 years married
DD1 Aug 5, 2017 - TT, still in contact.
DD2 Aug 30 admitted to 2 1/2 week PA, & 3 1/2 still in contact.
DD 3 - Sept 18 deleted his yahoo
DD4 - Sept 29, so much more. SA
polygraph Oct 20, maybe now we R?

posts: 698   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2017
id 8468299
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 4:20 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2019

Hell no

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2199   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8468309
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