SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, I deleted Reddit this morning. I've been obsessively reading the adultery subreddit, and it makes me sick. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me or why I've been doing this. I feel like I've been torturing myself on purpose.

But anyway, it's fucking disgusting. I feel lucky I guess that my husband didn't set out to find someone else..I mean, I guess. It all comes to the same thing, but the people on that subreddit who are actively looking to cheat – it makes me sick.

I guess I just wanted to know what the fuck was going on in his mind, but if what people are posting there was what was going on in my WH's brain at the time, I don't think I could take it.

The lengths these people go to convince themselves that what they're doing is OK are just astounding. One guy was talking about how he had to cheat because he wasn't getting what he needed from his wife, but didn't want to leave her because he didn't feel she had other prospects without him. What. A. Piece. Of. Shit.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. It's depressing that that sub has sooooo many followers, and it kind of makes me lose a little faith in love and humanity in general.

Another benefit of social media.

I've read there. It's depressing, yes, but it seems to show a much more "realistic" insight into the operations of an A and the AP's than what I get elsewhere. Fantastic sex, crying orgasms, having an A because your H/W isn't interested in sex anymore. Those are the cheaters I know, most of the WS's here, and my WW's "story" of the A bears no resemblance either to /r/a or what I've seen in my personal life.

I find it useful because it's unvarnished, it's not the "right answer" is the "raw truth". Yes, it's fantastically painful for BS's like me to read. But I think it's probably as close to "real" as you can get. It's like finding a message board where sadists recount, to one another, their enjoyment in hurting other people. What we get from our WS's is more the version you'd hear from that same sadist on the witness stand, "I'm so sorry, I had a bad childhood, never wanted to hurt anyone". Which is "true". My money is much more on the gloating and deep enjoyment in the version before they are on the stand.

The lengths these people go to convince themselves that what they're doing is OK are just astounding

Yep, they're truly Evil Incarnate. 76,000 of THE most miserable fucking assholes on the planet.

What I find hilarious is that these assholes brag on and on about their encounters with their APs, and they meet with their APs maybe...ONCE A MONTH ???

So we're supposed to be all awe-struck and amazed that you're having sex 12 times a year ???

It should be called Reddit ADUDtery . Boring, stupid shitstains that make up the asshole of humanity.

We laughed at them in "Idiocracy". In 500 years when it all comes true, we won't be laughing.

I too peruse the adultery sub for similar reasons that Rideitout mentioned.

I do get a smirk on my face when one of these folks posts about a pregnancy from the AP or when they are caught.

I laugh out loud when I read some of the “I f’ed my AP in the back of a minivan at a Target parking lot and it was amazing and so special”.....

If reading that rededit gave you any kind of insight to his mind, then you should be getting a divorce not working it out.

I hope as bad as his was it was not that bad.

That stuff is disgusting...

What I find hilarious is that these assholes brag on and on about their encounters with their APs, and they meet with their APs maybe...ONCE A MONTH ???

What I find "hilarious" is seeing the absolute split between male and female posters on those threads. It's like, do you even READ the other gender's posts? The men are often on there talking about the pile-driving, anal, amazing sex and that, while its great, they'll never leave their wives. Then you get the women, totally wrapped up in a romance novel, talking about love and caring and how he "sees her". I'm just sit there thinking, ugh.. You realize that the men talking about banging his AP in the back of the car before going home to his wife and kids.. That's the same guy you're banging you idiot! It's like if the women there would read the men's posts, perhaps they would "wake up" and realize they are primarily there for one reason, and that reason has nada to do with "love".

The women who talk about how great the sex is, well.. At least it's something real, something you're actually getting from the A. If it's great, it's great, so be it. But, come on, a "love story" it's not, or maybe it is a "story" but it's no more real than the story (and much less well written) than you can get in any trash paperback from the bookstore. It boggles the mind that people conflate love and affairs; they just, in most cases, have nothing at all to do with one another. I use this analogy often, but it's about as reasonable as a man saying "That stripper really cares for me". No, she doesn't, she cares for your wallet, and the moment it's gone, so is she. How can you be so blind to that?

Joanna1013

So, I deleted Reddit this morning. I've been obsessively reading the adultery subreddit, and it makes me sick. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me or why I've been doing this. I feel like I've been torturing myself on purpose.

There are so many cancerous subreddits related to infidelity. I'm hoping they're filled with trolls because if not there are some truly horrible human beings out there. There's even subreddits for finding affair partners. I guess it's not illegal but jesus christ.

But anyway, it's fucking disgusting. I feel lucky I guess that my husband didn't set out to find someone else..I mean, I guess. It all comes to the same thing, but the people on that subreddit who are actively looking to cheat – it makes me sick.

I guess I just wanted to know what the fuck was going on in his mind, but if what people are posting there was what was going on in my WH's brain at the time, I don't think I could take it.

I can understand the reasoning you are listing.

The lengths these people go to convince themselves that what they're doing is OK are just astounding. One guy was talking about how he had to cheat because he wasn't getting what he needed from his wife, but didn't want to leave her because he didn't feel she had other prospects without him. What. A. Piece. Of. Shit.

Yup. Some utter scumbags on that forum. I saw one where a guy got his wife pregnant with a special needs child, got his AP pregnant, and then was asking the subreddit ways to get his original wife to want to divorce him.

Absolute garbage pail kid of a human being.

The lengths these people go to convince themselves that what they're doing is OK are just astounding.

Oh my gosh, it's so gross! Crazy the crap they tell themselves and each other. Then they get all mad when the people they're cheating with lie to them or get caught and don't leave their spouses. They whine about not getting their full attention, and being second rate to the spouse.

Umm, yeah, big shocker! If you're going to cheat or hookup with a married/otherwise engaged person, at least understand your place.

"That stripper really cares for me". No, she doesn't, she cares for your wallet, and the moment it's gone, so is she. How can you be so blind to that?

Yep, my WH thought a cam girl cared for him. Ugh.

[This message edited by landclark at 3:28 PM, July 6th (Monday)]

I find it useful because it's unvarnished, it's not the "right answer" is the "raw truth".

Is it though? Is it the truth? So many of them lie like my WH did to keep the affairs going. I think it's the truth they like to tell themselves, and their spouses truth is probably often much different.

To me it’s fascinating while being painful at the same time. I am glad that sub exists because that is the only way to know what goes in WS mind, To us BS, they never tell the true story or whys but it turns out almost all of them have same reasons and patterns.

For example, on why question, the general consensus was that if you don’t get caught then no one gets hurt. So they see adultery as most harmless of all crimes to achieve personal happiness! Of course, it’s not true but that’s how they think.it also turns out physical attraction is many times major driver. If BS is getting out of shape or overbearing and sex stops then that provides major trigger.

On the question of why they don’t just leave BS, general consensus was that they loved kids and stability too! Many also were fully aware that turning affair into full time relationship will lose its charm. Some also realized that their hunky AP would have never got married to them and only way to sleep with them was an affair.

One of the most surprising thing I discovered was that typically WS feels more in love with AP than with BS even at the time of marriage! I couldn’t believe that but it’s true in so many cases. Their stomach churn when AP doesn’t contact as expected. They get physically seek if AP is breaking up.

Finally, another interesting fact was that vast majority of them had no real intention of reconciliation. When they step into that world, they had written off BS from their books, They no longer want to do anything with them. When they get caught and put show for reconciliation, their main reasons are same as yours: kids and stability. Unlike you, however, it almost never includes love. This is why reconciliations are hard and fall apart all the time. In some cases, AP is committed and dependable or if WS is self-sufficient then they will just decide to leave without missing a beat.

[This message edited by relletreknit at 3:34 PM, July 6th (Monday)]

Is it though? Is it the truth? So many of them lie like my WH did to keep the affairs going. I think it's the truth they like to tell themselves, and their spouses truth is probably often much different.

If you want to see how men I know IRL describe their affairs to me, read that /r/. That's pretty much word for word, what I hear most often; sex is spectacular, it's fun, would NEVER consider leaving my W for her, it's for sex and that's it. Is it the truth? IDK, but I will tell you, I see much, much more of myself in the male posters on that /r/ than I do in most other places. Those men (pieces of s**t that they are) make sense to me, not in a GOOD way, more like how robbing a bank because "that's where the money is" makes sense to me. I understand why, I just completely disagree with what their doing and think that their actions are likely to lead to much more pain for other people than the pleasure they receive personally. But I understand it; and I know guys who sound just like them who've had plenty of AP's, so it's hard for me not to think that there's at least a significant amount of truth in what's said there. Of course the story their spouses get is different, because the "truth" (assuming that's what they are spewing on Reddit) is completely unacceptable. Just like, in my previous analogy, the way everyone in court is suddenly very sorry for what they did when, a day before getting caught, they were laughing about it and bragging to their friends.

Umm, yeah, big shocker! If you're going to cheat or hookup with a married/otherwise engaged person, at least understand your place.

Exactly. And understand what the deal here is. We have sex, I tell you what you want to hear, and we're both happy. If you don't value sex or if you do value the truth and/or sincerity in your conversations, there is NOTHING for you in an affair. Love sex and value lies? Well, you have to give credit where credit is due, affairs are great at providing sex and also great at massive, wide ranging and "beautiful" lies. My W's AP was going to buy her a herd of goats. No, I'm not kidding, no, not implying it, I saw it, in TXT messages, buy a herd of goats and live off the land together. <sigh>

also turns out physical attraction is many times major driver. If BS is getting out of shape or overbearing and sex stops then that provides major trigger.

Of course physical attraction is a major factor. And that hurts all of us (BS's) like hell, but it's also something we need to learn to live with an accept. Another "truth" that Reddit seems to illustrate better than a lot of other places, "she was hot and said yes" is a lot of what I've heard as "justification" personally.

Rideitout, I don't doubt some of the stuff you're saying, I am doubting some of the things they all seem to say like dead bedroom, their spouse is basically a roommate, they plan to leave their spouse for the AP, and such. Not saying that's always a lie, but I do think in many cases it is. I think they often play the tiniest violin for their APs. It's why many AP women blame the wife.

The stuff about it feels good, they just want the ego boost and sex, etc., I don't doubt the truth in that.

[This message edited by landclark at 3:47 PM, July 6th (Monday)]

I have read over there also. I agree you get the unvarnished truth. The reason is it’s set up for the wayward spouse currently in an affair. You see how much they love the sex, and the extreme things they will do to get it. When you read there, it just gives me a huge pause. Most, but not all, in the wayward section here are now swearing the sex wasn’t so great, and the encounters just kind of happened.

It’s also interesting to see on the occasion that when someone on the Adultery board gets caught and moves to the surviving infidelity Reddit site, they say basically the same things that many of the WS here say. The sex wasn’t great and I want my BS so much!! These are the same people bragging on the adultery site right before D Day and things start crashing around them how hapless their BS is and how the sex with the AP is so much better.

Im sure there are instances here where the sex wasn’t so good and the WS here is honest, but I also think that many here are playing to a crowd of one, and the one is their BS who might be reading. Again, I hate to generalize, but I think the posts where they think their spouse will never see it has to be more honest

Rideitout,

It might be the raw truth, in that it's what WSs believe is the truth, but I think it shows a lot of the deluded nonsense they tell themselves.

My money is much more on the gloating and deep enjoyment in the version before they are on the stand.

God. I hope not.

What I find "hilarious" is seeing the absolute split between male and female posters on those threads. It's like, do you even READ the other gender's posts?

Yeah, it's ironic for sure. As stomach-churning as reading those posts were, I did get some level of enjoyment out of the ones where the poster got ghosted out of nowhere and feels like the miserable piece of shit they are. Those were my faves.

BluesPower,

If reading that rededit gave you any kind of insight to his mind, then you should be getting a divorce not working it out.

Totally agree. He's active on Reddit. I doubt he's on that sub, and if he is, I doubt it would be under his main account. But I wish I could find out somehow. It feels like the only way to actually know what went on in his head.

landclark,

Is it though? Is it the truth? So many of them lie like my WH did to keep the affairs going. I think it's the truth they like to tell themselves, and their spouses truth is probably often much different.

Yeah, I think you're onto something here. I think it's probably what they want to be the truth more than what is the actual truth.

relletreknit,

You're right, it's all very redundant. They all seem to have the same excuses and do the same kind of mental gymnastics.

One of the most surprising thing I discovered was that typically WS feels more in love with AP than with BS even at the time of marriage! I couldn’t believe that but it’s true in so many cases. Their stomach churn when AP doesn’t contact as expected. They get physically seek if AP is breaking up.

I didn't read enough to know whether or not I disagree with this, but it does seem like fewer people post after they've been caught. So yeah, we hear all about it when they're AP fucks them over, but when their wife threatens to leave, they stop posting.

Mine begged and cried for me not to leave him. He's probably not unique in that, but it's not exactly something a bunch of cheating fucks want to brag about on Reddit.

I could never figure out how to use reddit. I don't understand the set up or how to find anything on there at all. I'm old, y'all.

cocoplus5nuts,

That's probably for the best. It's pretty fucking bleak.

RIO, you seem to filter out stuff that doesn't support your "men only want sex and women only want feelings\attention" in affairs position.

That subreddit is chock full of pining dudes talking about soulmates lost and women bitching about men catching feelings and "ruining" a good thing. There's also sexual assault, STDs, and violence. They go to extremes with AP OPSEC so they can't get burned by the wonderful AP when shit goes south. A lot of them end up feeling used when the A ends, and often get advice about getting back on the horse quickly to feel better.

A lot of the r/adultery cheaters talk about open marriages and how they wished their BS would seek someone else out. As a MH that had an RA, I can assure you this wasn't my WW's position. I guess I'm just trying to get you to see the other situations too.

I guess I'm just trying to get you to see the other situations too.

Oh, for sure, they are there. But what would you say is more common, the "pining guy" or "heartbroken woman" in that reddit? Of course there are men who fall deeply in love with an AP, there are a lot of affairs out there and a lot of different situations, I'm not denying that reality, just the incidence of that (man falling in love with the AP) compared to the number of times it's professed in an affair (nearly all of them that we read about on here). And, for the record, this isn't a gender thing, men are just as stupid falling in love with a woman in an affair as women are falling in love with men in an affair. Affairs are not "for that", they suck at love, the excel at lust and sex. If that's your aim, I can't, with a straight face tell you that you won't get that in a typical A, you will, you will just likely pay a very high price for it. If your aim is "love" or a lasting relationship, caring, respect.. Well, you are looking in the wrong place, regardless of your gender.

I hear you RIO. I also think a lot of the crying orgasm bullshit is just one-upsmanship validation too. Some of them try way too hard.

How long before they link to this thread? I can see it now, look at the poor little losers whining...