Hi ladies! It's been a while, what's up?
Re: telling others, I'm happy that I never had that particular hang up. I had no issue telling anyone who brought it up exactly why my marriage blew up. It was his fault to bear, not mine.
Also, saying "Yeah, well catching him naked in our bed with another woman who he had previously claimed was his long lost daughter got me thinking divorce was a pretty good idea" pretty much shuts people up whenever they tried to say something like "Oh, why couldn't you guys work it out?" or something similarly naive.
I was also pretty incapacitated for a few months after DDay. I had to tell people so that I could get by at work without looking like there had been a significant decline in my quality of work for no reason. I pride myself in being really good at my job, I wanted it to be known that the decline was not my fault.
XH was LIVID when I called his mom to tell her. Like stark raving mad. And my response was "If you didn't want anyone to know that you were fucking other women, you shouldn't have fucked one in our bed." But according to him they didn't have sex, that was just my assumption. Delusion is a hell of a drug.
I also had a really hard time grasping why he was surprised by my reaction. Like, never in all of our years together had I been one to back down or not call out bad behavior. Whether that behavior was his, the girls, my family, anyone! He has seen me call out people who are being racist or sexist or whatever in public. If someone, anyone, does something that I find to be rude or offensive, to me, but even more so to others, they're going to hear about it. He's been personally called out by me in grocery stores, movie theaters, restaurants etc. when he has said/done rude things, yelled at the girls, etc. I'm not getting into a screaming match, but I will certainly assert myself and shut bullshit down.
Like bro, unlike you, I don't live a life of secrets and lies. You knew who you were marrying when you married me. So why act shocked when the takes-no-shit woman you married refuses to take your shit?
He's still really pissed that I exposed him. Apparently still rages about the meth we found that according to him isn't meth just fiberglass for his surfboard. When his own mother said "Are you calling your daughter a liar?" he had no rebuttal, just ranted about how I am crazy and vindictive. To this day insists that all of us people who saw it with our own eyes and tested it ourselves are liars and delusional
Honestly, what people think of him is not my problem. If they find out what he did and don't like him anymore? Welp.... toobadsosad fucker. Maybe don't be an asshole and people will like you more, ya know?
Yup, exactly that! Like, don't want to be called a meth head? Don't do meth. Pretty simple if you ask me.
As far as I'm concerned, the truth is the truth, and people are allowed to make decisions about the degree of interaction they have with people based on that truth.
The truth is, I caught him in our bed with another woman. The truth is, I found lines of meth in our house, as well as empty pen cases with meth residue. Those are irrefutable facts. Several mutual friends have since either completely cut him out of their lives, or significantly reduced their contact with him, based on those facts.
You clearly didn't think you owed me fidelity, loyalty or honesty, so don't go crying that I owe you a damn thing, especially not a false narrative to protect your reputation. You ruined that all by your damn self.
Why are cheaters always surprised to find out that actions have consequences?