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Did I fall short

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BigMammaJamma posted 12/13/2019 10:23 AM

NMSB, my reaction to your second post on this thread was a visceral one. Perhaps because I am wading through my own great lake of shit, but the injustice of the situation you described made me angry. I'm sorry, but what an absolute self-involved, emotionally stunted and inconsiderate jack ass who does not have the self awareness to realize how poorly he is behaving.

Life is way too short for this shit. If there is any justice in this world, you are going to read this comment and realize what an actual fully capable badass you are. You are going to make up your mind right now that this is unfuckingacceptable. You are a prize: selfless, hard working, loyal, loving, capable, intelligent and reasonable. You deserve respect. You will accept nothing less. You are going to get up from the desk or couch or where ever and hold your head up high and no longer accept this.

I asked my husband yesterday to just be kind. Be patient. To help a bit so I can do this enormous amount of work for us. To just for once in 22 years not feel he has to tell me I'm wrong, or "defend" himself if I am abrupt. To just for once be a soft place for me so I can do this. I have an Apple Watch and for reference I am averaging 2 hours and 34 minutes sleep a night or 24 hour period for the last 8 days. My pulse actually dropped to 41 the other day. I am burnt out. Husband reluctantly agreed.
This morning after staying up all night working, I curled on my office floor on a pillow for 32 minutes, I was up and about making lunches, an extra sandwich for my husband because he really likes them, cleaned the kitchen, walked the dogs, fed the dogs, etc so on. He got up and was truly nasty to me for some reason I cant fathom. Went downhill from there and ended with him YET again telling me all my many flaws and the justifiable reasons he "talked to some one else" . I am apparently a horrible horrible person who should be grateful he stayed with me after I begged him to on Christmas Eve. And There it all is. again.

This part really gets me because, you literally requested, like, a regular healthy functioning relationship. "Hi honey, can you support me like a normal spouse would while I finish this thing that is really good for us and I am physically spent and really need your help? Just for a couple days or so?" Like what the actual fuck? Being a normal husband was too much from him. You need to reset your expectations of this man immediately.

You did not fall short, unless we are talking about you picking your mate. You don't make that dude a sandwich for the rest of your life!

Catwoman posted 12/13/2019 10:30 AM

If this were true, all of us would be able to "nice" our WSs back into the marriage and "make" the marriage what it should be.

However, this is flawed in that a marriage (or relationship) is made up of TWO people. One person's actions do not automatically cause the other person's decision to make their own actions.

Simply put, one person cannot "save" a marriage with their actions. One person can certainly destroy one with theirs, though.

The loving and adult way to deal with this is to talk, get counseling or get out.

Cheating and blaming the spouse is very common.

It's so much more complicated than that, though.

Cat

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