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landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 12:40 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I often find myself wondering if people have cheated. I’ll talk to somebody at work and think “they seem nice. I wonder if they’ve cheated on their spouse.”
Does anybody else find themself doing this?
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 12:51 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Once in a while, but not very often. Usually, it's because they've said something or done something that set my spidey sense tingling.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
LemonSpearmint ( new member #75630) posted at 1:13 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I totally get that. It's almost like I want to take a survey of everyone at work. Ask them if they have and why they did etc.
Keep having to remind myself no one would appreciate me asking.
Me: BW 40 / Him: WH 42
Dday July 15 2020
3 month EA/PA - Working on R
Keep moving forward
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 1:26 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I do it when meeting new people. Ain't baggage great?
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 1:27 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
What is bad is that I think this with overly happy couples, like it’s not possible to be that happy 😑 ugh.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 1:35 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I don't do it so much anymore. Once upon a time, though, I suppose I was desperately seeking some "kindred spirits." Statistically speaking, at least one in four couples I know have experienced infidelity. I'll probably never know which ones.
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 1:41 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 1:43 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I don’t think of it as looking for kindred spirits. Maybe morbid curiosity?
crazyblindsided, I think that as well.
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 1:51 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Uh... yeah. If cheating is as prevalent as the studies say, then like... there's a 50% chance someone you're interacting with either is or has been a cheater, right?
"I will survive, hey, hey!"
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:00 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I do it often. Just wonder — is this person the cheater or betrayed?
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
veryhurt2018 ( member #65877) posted at 12:06 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I do this with everyone I meet. It's really sad. I never even thought of it before D-day, but now I feel like it's the first thing on my mind when I meet someone.
Me-BW
Him-SAWH
D-Day: 5/9/18
Reconciled - took a whole 5 years to heal
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:37 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Jambomo ( member #74853) posted at 2:42 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
I do sometimes.
I also realise I see it when people get married, I think "5 years down the line you'll be divorcing because he has cheated". Apologies to men, its my own experience and bias that makes me think it'll be him! Not that I don't know well enough that women cheat too.
StrugglingCJ ( member #72778) posted at 5:29 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Now I am part of the club you never wanted or asked to join.. I do see things in a different light.. I hear our friends talk of what is going on in their lives.. And there are times I am listening and thinking.. Red flag.. Red flag..red flag..
There was one occasion I did actually connect the dots fully.. Messaged them privately to outright ask... Then directed them here.. unfortunately 😔😔
WW caught in EA May 17
DDay Mar 19 it was full PA
Struggling for R, but still trying.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:35 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Sure. I pretty much stopped after 2-3 years of healing.
[This message edited by sisoon at 11:36 AM, October 26th (Monday)]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 5:51 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Yes, I look at people and assume one is a cheater and one is a betrayed.
When I hear of someone getting married, I feel bad for them.
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 33 years
hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 8:16 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
When I hear of someone getting married, I feel bad for them.
One of our daughters just got married and the other one is getting ready too :-( I find myself worried about the one who is getting ready to, I think either they have a really honest relationship or he has boundary issues. To make things worse, I just found out his father had been cheating on their mother.
8 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 9:56 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Not so much. I do however have an extreme sense of awareness of who or what a person is by the way they speak, handle things, handle their lives or problems that arise. Seeing the true character in an individual.
IwillSurvive2020 ( new member #75574) posted at 10:05 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Yes. But I'm very "new" into this world, so I'm guessing I will do this for quite some time until it's no longer the #1 thing on my mind.
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 1:12 AM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020
I used to, but not anymore. Divorce & distance.
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