SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I believe these types of threads are posted now and then. I hope you will indulge me.

I was thinking today about one of the text exchanges I found between my STBXWW and her AP.

I found one where my WW tells her AP to text her later but to "beware of potential surveillance." His reply "oh yeah, big brother could be watching."

I was devastated, heartbroken, my life and family were falling apart, and I was losing weight at an alarming rate...and my STBXWW and her AP were mocking me behind my back because I was watching my STBXWW's phone. That level of disrespect in inhumane.

Some might say looking at the phone shows codependency. But it's actually the BS seeking safety.

I am fired up because we had a meeting with a family counselor today and I told the counselor that my STBXWW had an affair and AP is her boyfriend. My STBXWW denied it.

SHE FUCKING DENIED IT!

She started seeing him in May, and I found explicit texts on 12/21 then filed for divorce on 12/23. She was seeing him for 8 months and is still in contact with him. But he's not her boyfriend. I am so angry right now.

I was acting like "big brother." Good God.

Anyone else got stories like this where you were mocked or disparaged by WS and AP?

Maybe she is telling the truth. Maybe he isn't her boyfriend. After all, men who get involved with a married woman, who has children, usually aren't looking to suddenly find themselves being a full-time boyfriend, and having to deal with the kids.

Maybe he isn't her boyfriend, because he just wants a fuck buddy.

Kidding aside, you didn't deserve that. No BS does. It's a layer of cruelty on the shit sandwich.

[This message edited by HellFire at 5:25 PM, February 9th (Tuesday)]

Anyone else got stories like this where you were mocked or disparaged by WS and AP?

Yes, I didn’t see evidence of it and I know APs aren’t the best source for truth, but WH’s AP told me he called me bipolar, said all I did was shop on the couch, if dishes were dirty and he left to work, he had to wash them when he got back, etc. I was actually pregnant (had a miscarriage a few weeks into it) and fell down the stairs and she found out about it. I don’t know how true it is, but she said he thought I did it for attention. When confronted with a lot of this info, he denied it, saying she said things to make him look worse, but I wouldn’t doubt that he said that shit because 1) he wanted sympathy or 2) he believed them to be true.

It makes me angry beyond belief because not only do we live upstairs from my parents, who we usually ate with (and I would wash EVERYONE’s dishes often), but many nights I would stay up late washing the few dishes we left from our snacking By the way, I shopped, but for our kids. I bet to this day he’d have to think hard before guessing their clothes or shoe size because he has never taken care of that for them.

It’s sickening to think how someone who you trust with your life could betray you on this level. It definitely takes someone special.

Actually HellFire, you may be right.

Just fuck buddies.

I just can't wait to get her out of my life.

Keepingit2gether.

Right out of the cheater handbook. They have to justify their actions. Making the BS look like the bad guy is just sickening.

The level of disrespect is just as low as it gets.

He never talked about me or our children because he was too busy pretending to be a single man.

Pretending to be single, that's a good one.

Did the AP wonder why they never went over to his house?

I just can't put myself in the shoes of someone who could carry out that level of deception.

Oh I think she figured it out eventually. There’s no way she didn’t, but I’ll never have proof.

He didn’t want her to ever get mad and end up outing the whole thing to me. It might have taken me 3 years, but I found out on my own anyways.

I saw the text messages, so I did get to see the disparaging remarks.

But - I considered the sources. Two very sick people who were doing disgusting things. I think she did it because she knew it would give him ego kibbles, then he'd be more attached to her.

While it hurt at the time, I don't really care anymore. They're both a pos, and the question that keeps running through my mind is, "What do you get when you polish a turd? A shiny turd."

They may think they're all shiny, but they're turds.

The most painful text I saw in real-time (because I was using a program on her phone) was:

"Heartsick. Miss you. If you can't respond immediately, don't."

That was the message that led to my hulking out and punching a hole in a door.

Some of the more painful things that I recovered were an exchange where she apologized for not being home when he stopped by and saying that she would "make it up" followed by a winking emoji.

Also included in the series of live things seen post D-Day v1.0 were texts to friends who encouraged the A that were quite disparaging about me. Everything from me being "a jerk" to wondering why I wouldn't "just get over it" to continuing to pine for the AP to those friends.

Yeah, it all sucked and it's all burned into my brain.

Leafields

I'm angry about it today...but I know that anger won't last after she is finally out of my life.

I'm with you. I see them as nothing but POS's who deserve each other. Once I can get physical distance between us I don't think it is going to be hard to put it behind me.

Good luck next Friday, I will be thinking of you. I'm not far behind you.

Captainrogers

I'm with you. Seeing them is good and bad. Good you can see what is happening to you, but bad because it fucks up your mind, it can't be undone.

"I miss you" really hurts...I found one that said "I miss you believe it or not." This was her xBF from 26 years ago...I think the "i miss you" was for the entire 26 years. She sent this during a family shopping trip with the kids while we were trying to do more things together to try to work things out.

And the emojis, the upside down smiley face will always be a trigger for me.

I,was having a full-on panic attack after finding a cutesy message to yet another woman when we were supposedly trying to reconcile and he stood over me and mocked me for shaking, called me crazy and laughed at me. Yeah, fuck these monsters.

JanaGreen

The false reconcile is just horrible. Same here, thought we were working it out only to be stabbed in the back over and over again...and the lack of empathy is astounding.

After dday2 I saw the emails they wrote to each other planning their future together.

Nothing bad was written about me but I’m certain no cheating H tells the OW how wonderful their wife is. I’m sure I can figure out what my H said about me to the OW. Just smart enough not to put it in writing.

My H was rather cruel to me after dday1. His miserable life was my fault. His unhappiness with his career was my fault. Everything was my fault.

But the day after Dday1 as I was crying my eyes out - he just stepped over me to go to a BBQ. He was not going to stick around to do anything more than say “see ya” as he walked out the door.

Still irritates me!

The1stWife

One of the most frustrating things is being treated as if YOU were the one that cheated. The wayward mind is fascinating…disgusting, but fascinating.

Where do I start

How about the one the day after the PA started that said “I havnt been happy with Twodozen for years, but you already knew that” well it’s good that someone knew I guess because she hadn’t told anyone else.

Or how about the one (on my birthday) that said. “Have to go for a meal with Twodozen, would rather stick my head in the oven”

Or the one 5 days after dday that said “miss you” accompanied by 2 naked selfies, which were taken as she got ready for OUR date night and sent during OUR date night

As the posters above say, these are burned into my retinas, can never be forgotten. Attempting to R with these as your backdrop can only mean I’m some kind of saint or some kind of martyr.

Oh Twodozen. I'm so sorry. Ouch.

DanielJK, What your stbxww put you through was cruel. Even when caught she didn't have the decency to either stop or leave. You put up with too much wanting to try to save that which she was actively destroying.

Some might say looking at the phone shows codependency. But it's actually the BS seeking safety.

I agree 100% with the seeking safety.

I have never given my wife a reason to doubt me nor has she given me any reason to doubt her but she knows what I went through. As such she has complete access to my phone and any social media accounts I have and I am extended the same courtesy from her. You do not lock your door to keep a burglar out, as if they want to they will get into your house someway, but to keep the honest people honest.

I'm angry about it today...but I know that anger won't last after she is finally out of my life.

Keep the end game as your focus and know that what she does from here on out is not your concern.

TwoDozen

Ahhh, the rewriting of the marital history. One text I found STBXWW suggested to AP that I did not love her. Cheater handbook step one – rewrite marital history. I loved her with all my heart, she was the love of my life.

Another “I miss you,” that’s three of us here. The “miss you” really stings.

And the selfies. AP would ask my STBXWW for a “sexy pic” and she would oblige. To do it while getting ready to go out with you is just so disrespectful.

Talk about burned into the retina…the last interaction on 12/21/2020 that I discovered was a video of AP masturbating. That will be the last image of the text interactions between the two of them. I served D papers two days after that, can’t take anymore. And I can’t unsee it now…she blew up the family so she could have a fuck buddy for 8 months (she claims he is not her boyfriend , and she is no longer in contact with him ).

You may be both a saint and a martyr. But I don’t blame you. I loved my STBXWW with all my heart. I am absolutely devastated by this.