SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sounds like an affair to me, UnwiseOne, I can't think of another logical explanation for those emails.

Yes definitely an A. :( hugs.

Yes...another affair.

Im sorry.

It's difficult not to believe that old saying ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER especially when you find evidence like that, so sorry your husband is an ASS.

F**k!

He confessed to more. Including my former best friend, there were at least 3 more. Unprotected.

He's getting tested for STDs ASAP.

He first started cheating about 5 years into our marriage.

We're sitting in the reception area of a different counselor. I'm not sure the other one was a match for us.

I am in shock. I'm having a hard time feeling anything.

[This message edited by UnwiseOne at 7:02 PM, October 29th (Wednesday)]

I'm so sorry. It seems it always is way worse than what we are originally told. Try to take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. The shock will wear off, just try to process the feelings as they happen. Hang in there.

(((Unwiseone)))

unwise one - I just read through all of your posts. I am having such a similar situation - H with BFF (whom also worked with me).

Its devastating on so many levels. So much so, that I can barely get a reaction out. I don't really even want to speak to or talk to H as more and more details get found out.

I am so sorry that you found out there are more -I was worried for you when the sex addiction came up and he didn't want to talk about it.

Its been about 3 weeks - I have still been doing FBI work - and have noticed that almost every night H is online looking at porn. IT just makes me sick. I can barely eat, sleep or think - and he is just trying to get OFF looking at porn.

You gave me some insight - maybe I have the same situation.

Its so overwhelming I don't know what to do

I feel like such a f**king idiot. My entire 21 years of marriage has been a lie.

Here's the scoop (I've added this shite to my profile story):

DD#2 On 10-27-14 I found incriminating emails between a female and WH. Another OW? WTF? I kept it to myself for over a day, as I was trying to find out who she was. After digging through the internets, it turns out this newly discover OW was WH's girlfriend from just before we married 21 years ago. The most recent email I found was from early 2010. I always knew she had an incurable VD. Why did I not listen at the beginning to the advice of getting tested for STDs? Because at the time, there was only one EA & they (WH and xBFF) had not actually had intercourse. Let's call this other woman OW#4. My xBFF is now to be referred to as OW#5.

On 10-29-14, WH confessed to other affairs. I had been pushing him really hard to share. It was a partial bluff, but I did have concrete evidence. He confessed to not only the LTA with OW#4, but two others plus a prostitute

It turns out our entire marriage has always been contaminated. OW#1 was a hired prostitute. WH was out of town with a co-worker. The client bought them both an oral encounter with a prostitute. All three of them were in the same room when she went down on them. WH says he's not sure if were married yet. If not, we were most likely "dating" at the time, I believe. It counts, WH. It counts

Next, we have OW#2. WH was again out of town for work (Texas this time). He said he had a ONS with a co-worker. They had drinks, dinner, and then fucked in his hotel room.

OW#3 was a LTA. She was also a co-worker (WH changed jobs a number of times in our early marriage) She went down on him at a Christmas party. I'm not sure why I wasn't at the party, but it was probably because I couldn't find a babysitter for our young children. I don't have the full story yet, but it turns out she lives about a mile away from us now...for at least the last two years. I am not safe in my own city.

Thank God I have another IC session coming up on Wednesday. I don't know how to survive this. I want to go kick the shit out of OW#3. I could walk to her house. She has a somewhat prominent LE job. I would love to bring her down.

Today marks week 9 from DD#1 and my decent into hell.

[This message edited by UnwiseOne at 9:45 AM, October 31st (Friday)]

girlpower:

I would not stand for your WH's porn usage.

If my WH was watching porn in this house right now, we would be done.

I'm not sure my WH has hit rock bottom yet. I do not want to kick him out...I feel like I need to keep him close. We talk for hours almost every night. Last night was no exception.

He stopped me when I was grilling him for minute details about OW#3 (God...I'm having their numbers get mixed up in my head...how f-ed up is that). But the one who lives about a mile away from us. He said he wanted to stop answering questions because he was afraid I was going to harm myself (break my brain, I guess) with the horribleness of the details. He said he would tell me all, but he wanted me to discuss the ramifications of knowing all with my counselor/therapist.

I did get all of the details of the A with OW#5. It did not break me. I am such a curious person. I can't even imagine not knowing all, but also...I am terrified. I have these new four OW to deal with....

Can God just strike them all dead please?

I ran a 5K this morning. I've been slacking off on my exercise...mainly because I haven't been getting enough sleep. This morning, I was sleep deprived again, but I managed to get out of bed at 5am.

I ran. I disassociated myself with how hard it was. I used my anger to have a very successful run. It made me feel better than them (WH and OW#3).

I thought getting over the EA/PA he had with my xBFF was going to be hard? Right now, the LTA with OW#3 is the hell.

Sorry to keep posting consecutive posts, but my brain won't stop spinning.

OMG.

Im so sorry.

(((UnwiseOne))))

((()))

I am truly sorry for the hurt you are going through.It's one of the worst things life has to offer. Please take care of you. I'm so sorry that he has done more than what you thought. There usually is way more to the story that you learn as time goes on. It's called trickle truth.

Honestly, I think the only person you should be concerned about is you. This is a horrifically traumatizing event. You need to focus on your well-being, your feelings, your health, and your recovery. The 180 helps with that, It's hard at first. I'm just now, after 9 weeks, getting decent at it. It works though.

[This message edited by franklymydear at 1:02 PM, October 31st (Friday)]

I am so, so sorry you have to deal with this. This is awful!

Proud of you for running. I had some great runs after my Dday--I channeled my rage too. Until I got a stress fracture in my foot! So, careful!

I agree to focus on yourself. These women are meaningless. They could have been any warm hole. Your H has serious issues, but there will always be people willing to debase themselves for whatever reason when someone goes looking for them.

(((Unwiseone)))

(((unwiseone))) I am so sorry for what you're going through. You don't have to decide anything today.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. So sorry. I understand the need to ask so many questions / know the details. I am here to tell you - I accidentally WITNESSED the "act" - Full on.

I can't "un-see" it. its awful. I wished I had never . . ..

I am sorry - continue to go to your counselor and please take care of yourself.

More revelations:

OW #3 was a LTA. They were on again-off again for about 18 years. The last contact he had with her was very recent. He texted her and told her to not be in contact with him, as shit was about to hit the fan.

He says none of the OW#1thru4 were emotional affairs. The only EO was with my best friend. I don't think these facts make things better or worse. They are just facts I need to deal with.

Right now, I am focused on coming to terms with OW#3. She's law enforcement. I'm law enforcement. We're at different agencies, thank God. How can a LEO engage in this behavior. I guess I'm somewhat naive somehow. I certainly have much higher standards for myself.

18 yrs and he's still dishonest by breaking NC with her. ( ((()))

I was shocked when he told me he texted her.

He said he was protecting himself and not her.

I am so mixed up and confused.

I asked him about it right now: He said the last text he sent to her was the day he confessed on DD1.

I was under the impression that it was a lot more recent.

[This message edited by UnwiseOne at 12:15 PM, November 3rd (Monday)]

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[This message edited by UnwiseOne at 9:34 AM, November 6th (Thursday)]