SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Keep reading, talking to people and seeing a counselor. If I were in your situation I would choose my son over my spouse. I am so sorry you are here.

He's gone, I told him to leave last night. He went to a cousin's house about 40 minutes away. He's called several times since last night but I don't want to talk to him. Two of my cousins came last night, felt really nice to have a girls night in with them. It was very last minute, but so thankful they dropped everything to be with me.

My son is running on pure anger at the moment. He's blocked his ex in every way possible. He's told all our family himself and his closest friends. There are several kids he's known since pre-school and they're 200% behind him. His friends have called me to make sure I'm okay, even their parents who I'm not really friends with have called to offer support. I'm just overwhelmed with all the support for us.

As for his grandma, my son is not upset with her. He understands that she's an 83 year old woman and doesn't want to see the family split up. Honestly, she's a sweet woman, but a conflict avoider.

I will be seeing a lawyer this week. There is no way to survive this without losing my son.

(((NYgirl))) right now concentrate on you and your son. I am glad that you have so much IRL support. Lean on them.

Please make an appointment to get screened for STDS - full panel and tell your doctor why. Make sure you eat, stay hydrated and get as much sleep as you can.

You life has exploded... so be gentle with yourself. Please head to the yellow box and The Healing Library... at the top of this forum is the Tactical Primer. Use the resources of this site to help you process this mind blowing situation. My heart breaks for you and your son.

There is no timeline to heal ... take one day at a time.

Sending you strength. Keep reading and keep posting.

(((((((NYGirl))))))))

Huge hugs to you and your son. It's so good to hear you have a lot of support and everyone is showing up for you. You have done the right thing making him leave.

Stay strong and only focused on you and your son and what you need right now.

This is awful.

I'm so sorry.

(NYgirl68)))

I'm glad you made that decision NYgirl. It's a horrible situation he put you in. Please know that "surviving infidelity" doesn't require reconciling. Many of us choose separation and divorce as our way of surviving. Even with that, I would still suggest getting counselling. I needed a trauma therapist and anti-depressants to get through my own "vanilla" experience of infidelity.

I don't blame your son for his anger. He has been cut two different ways by this betrayal. It's good that he is calling in all his support people and that you are receiving support.

I don't want to know more than I've uncovered. I've made up my mind to divorce and learning about the extent of this affair and any other affairs that may have occurred in the past will not do me any good.

I will be seeing a lawyer this week. There is no way to survive this without losing my son.

*****************************************************************

I hope the above was typo...There is no way your son could lay any of his father's behavior at your lap.....

Sending you hugs...Praying you survive this with your son in your corner, and with his love and support...That he gets where is grandma is coming from speaks volumes...

I am glad you had a girl's night with the cousins...

I interpreted that statement as *even if I could forgive and reconcile, I would lose my son in the process*

eta: Not because son would blame NYgirl but because son has so much anger and hatred for father (as well he should) that it would destroy her relationship with her son.

[This message edited by Chicky at 3:15 PM, November 6th (Sunday)]

Ny girl

I joined 10/31...I suffer PTSD as a result of WW's A that happened 22yr ago..I recently discovered undelivered cards and notes WW has kept for 22yrs. The selfish decisions of WSs last a lifetime...your experience is more devistating to me than my own..please seek assistance from every source possible.

Your son will grow into a super-hero...no one can experience this and not become a person of strength and honor for nothing in his life will test him more.

Please stay safe, reach for your cousins, pray for personal peace and listen to the extended friendship presented on these forms...God bless you and your son.

nlw/srw

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I e been thinking of you all day. So very glad you have the support army lining up behind you. That's so needed for both you and your son.

I can honestly say I'm very glad that you are planning to divorce. I don't think a M can recover from that level of betrayal and the impact on your son. Both of you support each other and work on healing.

Please take good care of yourself. Huge hugs to you.

Adultery is grounds for divorce in NY - yes I passed the Bar there.

I would show no mercy - he has clearly none for the people around him.

I am sorry you went through this.

[This message edited by redsox13 at 3:41 PM, November 6th (Sunday)]

First of all---I feel sorry for your son. What a mess this one is.

You NEED to get away from this "MAN" He's a piece of shit to do something as low as this. That's not a man. Real men don't act like that.

Secondly- I'm glad your son has dumped that cheating bitch that will play him like a cheap violin. It's MUCH better that he found out now.

I've been here for a long time---and this is one of the worst one I've seen. Ubelievable.

Strength NYgirl68!

Don't doubt for a moment that what you are doing is the right thing. Your son and you will be there for each other, support one another, love each other and get through this together.

I can't begin to convey how sorry I am. Yours truly is as many have already said, one of the worst cases of betrayal I have read. Not something you want to hear, but as you can see you have an avalanche of support here.

Kudos to your son for immediately outing his father's despicable behavior. It shouldn't be kept a secret. The time for him having secrets is over and now he has to pay the piper. Don't let him worm his way back in with crocodile tears. He did this, he needs to own it and realize he has lost his family over this both immediate and extended. I can't imagine a family member from either side standing by him. He will be shunned and that's how it should be. When he realizes he is now alone it will hit him hard and he deserves it and more.

Please keep us posted. We're here for you and if down the road you feel you've been helped by SI you might want to direct your son here for his own support.

Major hugs being sent to you. Please take care of yourself both physically and mentally.

My son is running on pure anger at the moment. He's blocked his ex in every way possible. He's told all our family himself and his closest friends. There are several kids he's known since pre-school and they're 200% behind him. His friends have called me to make sure I'm okay, even their parents who I'm not really friends with have called to offer support. I'm just overwhelmed with all the support for us.

It would best if he never had contact with her again. Keep her blocked and go completely dark.

Sorry you and your family are in this mess.

HUgs to you NY. It is despicable what he did. I ma glad you made him leave, and that you are contacting a lawyer.

Strength to you.

No advice NYgirl,

Just sending you and your son strength and peace.

It's obviously going to be very hard - but you will survive this.

Please keep reading and posting.

Hugs, MOB xxx

NYgirl68, my heart goes out to you.

I don't know if random internet strangers concerned over your well-being mean much, but you have our love and support.

I'm glad you have what seems like a good support network, but if you ever just need people to talk or vent to, don't hesitate to post here in SI.

NYgirl,

There is no doubt in my mind that you are doing the right thing. You could always direct your son to this site if you are comfortable with that.

It's the worst betrayal I've read here. Forget about finding answers to this, this is way beyond a mid life crisis IMO!

Please continue to post and do what you can to look after yourself. I'm so happy that you both have support. Your son did the best thing by outing his father.

Biggest {{{hugs}}}

What an unbelievable terrible situation your WH has created. A nightmare. Like others have said, I'm so glad you seem to have a lot of support in real life, and this is a really supportive place, too. My mind is boggled by it all.

I'm so sorry.