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Oh no. Horrible. Latebloomer, so sorry you've experienced that too.

I am holding DS and you, DMW, in the LIGHT...

[This message edited by Lionne at 3:05 PM, December 1st (Friday)]

I'm so sorry. Hopefully the perpetrator is caught.

I'm so sorry, DMW.

You're doing what I think I would want my mom to do, although if he's like me, he probably doesn't realize that yet.

(((DMW DS19)))

[This message edited by sisoon at 3:37 PM, December 1st (Friday)]

I am so so sorry to hear this. Please take care of yourself.

Oh gods below, I am so sorry. Please, find him someone to talk to, so he can get as much of this pain out vice holding it in. And be his mamma bear. No matter what age, in these circumstances everyone needs a mamma bear on their side. (((hugs)))

(((DMW & DS3))) I can't image the horror. I am so so sorry.

Thank you everybody for all the love and support. DS woke up after a few hours of sleep and felt a bit better. I gave him a liter bottle of water and he was able to drink it without vomiting, and then said he was REALLY hungry and felt he could eat so I was glad about that.

We ordered pizzas for delivery and binge watched tv for about 5 hours. He's going to bed to sleep now but I also told him to come let me know if he can't sleep and we will figure it out from there.

My poor, suffering boy

(((DMW and DS)))

I’m so sorry. Sending lots of love.

Hugs. You being there is great. Mine binge watched the office. Sitting with them seems to be the thing.

DMW, you are providing the strength DS3 needs to get through this. I'm so sorry this happened, but so glad he has you for his Mum. Take care of you, too. ((((Hugs))))

I am so sorry. You are an amazing loving mom. Take care of you both!!

I'm so sorry, your poor son! I feel so sad and angry. I hope they catch the sick creep and his life is ruined.

I am glad your son has been able to eat and drink water. One step at a time, one day at a time.

My thoughts are with you.

Oh my goodness. This is horrific. Sending you all our love and support from around the world. Somebody is always up on SI when you need us.

Such a sad thing DS shared with me - before this happened he had just gotten back from a 3 day trip with his girlfriend, and they had such a good time together. He told me he was one person after that, and now he's a different person. Going from one of life's highs down to the depths of hell.

Hugs hugs and more hugs.

He got a reasonable amount of sleep last night and although still dehydrated he's been drinking water and can eat. He's very muscular, fit and athletic, and lost about 10 kilos in the 4 days of not eating or drinking or sleeping (or working out). He had to tighten his belt so his pants wouldn't slip down.

He's still tired and low energy, but I let him know that was ok and that since he was still far behind in his sleep he might feel better after a nap. He's watching a video documentary about mushrooms on his computer. I understand that he's afraid to try to sleep without some distraction.

Remember how when your children were young and when they fell down and scraped their knee you would kiss it and make it all better? How I long for those days......

[This message edited by DeadMumWalking at 10:34 AM, December 2nd (Saturday)]

I am so sorry. Sending prayers for you and your son.

I am so hurt and angry for you both. Stay strong Mom and be his rock. Great advice offered by Bigger...therapy for your son is critical. I hope he can find his way towards being a confident young man with hopes and dreams after he deals with this. Sending strength and prayers.

I wish I could help…

I dealt with several women that were raped. One of the toughest things was that I was required to research everything to support their accusations AND everything that might weaken their case. It was hard having to ask a broken, sobbing young woman if she had done anything to lead the accused on or given him reason to think sex was OK. Your son is probably going through feelings of self-blame for not monitoring his beer, for being in the bar, for not having control, for not resisting, for not being able to defend himself…

The feeling of guilt and self-blame…

If anything, then we might have some understanding by comparing it to the doubt we BS experience after d-day. The period when we wonder what WE did that made us lacking and led to the affair.

Was he there with friends? Do his friends and his GF know what happened? Would he be OK with them knowing? Maybe a discussion with that group would help? If others confirm that he is a victim and there really isn’t anything he could have done would help him?

He told me he was one person after that, and now he's a different person

Its true that experiences change us. But...Please help him to see that experiences do not DEFINE us. As a survivor of sexual assault and molestation, I allowed the abuse to divine who I was... I wasn't a woman, daughter, red head, artist, etc.

All I believed I was, was an object meant for the pleasure of men. It lead me down a path to total darkness and at my lowest I found a way back to the light. Sappy I know. Religious, no. Spiritual perhaps.

Your son has experienced a trauma. An assault. But it doesn't have to define who he is.

Hugs to both of you.

Well he ate and drank well yesterday but didn't get a lot of sleep last night. He's over at a friend's right now, but we've been messaging. He says he feels weak and vulnerable and paranoid. I told him it's good to share his feelings and that they are all normal and he's not going crazy but that he's been traumatized.

Then he keeps saying he's sorry, and I tell him he doesn't have anything to feel sorry about. Then he says he knows that but still feels sorry. I told him that the most important thing is that he is alive, and even though it hurts now he IS going to get through this.

What else can I do??

Bigger - I haven't pressed him for any details, I told him that he could share as much or as little as he wanted whenever he wanted. So I don't really know about any of that. I don't think he was with other people though, from what I can tell I think he was just having a drink while waiting for the train. The police interviewed him at the hospital. I am trying to arrange to have a rape advocate accompany him to any subsequent legal process, but it is not proving to be easy since these services seem to be offered only for women. I am still trying though.

I just want to keep him safe and help him recover from the trauma. He wants to call the IC tomorrow to make an appointment. If he doesn't do it then I will.

Thank you again everyone for all the support. My psychiatrist is all over this for me. I will be seeing him tomorrow.

Oh DMW I’m so sorry!

My son was sexually assaulted at a local mountain biking hot spot when he was 12. Fortunately, his buddy came looking for him when he didn’t appear after they took separate forks on the trail. He arrived just as penetration was about to occur.

Counselling is a must...I took my son to our local sexual assault crisis centre. The therapists there explained that there are protocols for treatment when victims are groomed by perpetrators but there isn’t a standard protocol for stranger assaults, except the standard trauma/ptsd treatment they would provide anyone who suffered an extreme event. I think it helped my son...I should have probably attended counseling as well...i struggled mightily over my feelings of helplessness and motherly guilt.

Luckily your DS has a supportive mom he can lean on. Sending prayers and healing thoughts...